A CrAzY PEACE

You know, Ideally it would be wonderful to have a witty blog. Perhaps a funny antidote that would just make your day. As much as I would like to have a post that is witty, and quite funny, I think this particular post might be a little more on the serious side. As you can see, it has been awhile since I have posted. The Lord has put a lot on my mind, and there are lots of things that I am seeing that need to be sorted through and dealt with. While I will not divulge what all I am dealing/struggling with, I do want to share with ya'll how amazing our sweet Jesus is, and just the wonderful revelations that he has shown me in the past couple of weeks.
There are so many things that he has showed me recently, so you will have to forgive me if this post is a little out of sorts. I really just want to share how GREAT our God is and just how he has an amazing sense of humor, while at the same time has this amazing love that is way past comprehension. This year has been a year in which there have been a lot of disappointments. Now that I have pretty much gotten through all of these situations that were disappointments, I have noticed how they were all based around what I wanted, and not what the Lord has for my life. I can be a control-freak. I like to control, I want to have my life planned out, shoot, 4 months ago I had a ten-year plan. Now, I am barely having day-to-day plans. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy planning, and I still try to plan, but the Lord has showed me that I am not promised tomorrow. And within that, since I am only promised today, It is important that I focus on the moment at hand. I think many times we get caught up in the future, and when we get so caught up in what plans we are making, we are missing the moments at hand. We are missing what the Lord is trying to show us in the here and now. So... if you think about it, we sure can miss a lot when we start to plan our lives out without consulting the Lord.
What is funny to me is this past year, I really thought that I was INCLUDING the Lord in my plans. I capitalize and bold the word including, because I was not basing it around my KING, nope instead, I was INCLUDING Him. In case you don't know this... those plans don't usually turn out well. The Lord knows what He is doing a lot better than we do. This is just something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. The Lord has also been showing me my Pride. I don't know if you have ever noticed this, but much of what we do as humans is based around our selfishness, pride and idolatry. I mean, it is sickening when you look at it. Last weekend, I literally was sick to my stomach at looking at myself. My Pride disgusts me, yet at times I thrive on it. I will be very honest with ya'll, I like to make good grades. I like to sound smart, and I REALLY like to be in the upper terr of things. When I am not, my pride is out of control. The Lord has also showed me this in the last year, as well as, just in the last week. I don't really know how to explain this.. but lately I have felt soo dumb. It is as if my mind and my mouth will not work together simultaneously. Instead, what I am thinking comes out as nonsense. It is really quite embarrassing. But what is that... ummm, that would be Pride. Maybe the Lord is telling me something with this, maybe I am exhausted and just need to go to him, instead of trying to talk myself to death. I know this is random, but this is just something that I have really been dealing with lately. It is so frustrating to me.
Since I know this blog is becoming quite long, I will only write about one more thing that has really been on my mind. The question of... Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder? Girls struggle with so many different issues. We are worried about how fat we are, or how skinny we are. We get caught up in the way we dress, the way our makeup should look, whether we are attractive to other men and of course women. I don't know if you have ever noticed this, but many times women try to dress for other women, as if they want to outdo one another. I have just noticed how much our culture is based around the way we look. It is as if the way we look determines how much success or happiness we will have in life. How sad is that. I mean really... I am pretty sure that beauty fades. But what does not fade is the beauty we find in HIM ladies! I hope ya'll know that I am saying this to myself as well. I have many issues when it comes to vanity... but why do we as women choose to seek out the beauty that culture so readily forces upon us, instead of looking to our King? Yesterday morning I went to a women's prayer breakfast. When these particular girls got up there to speak, they radiated. They were beautiful. They were not beautiful because they had the latest Coach purse, or the most beautiful hair, no, these ladies were beautiful because they radiated with Joy of the Lord. It was eye-opening to me. Our beauty is going to fade, and you know what ladies, even the handsome guy that you are really liking right now, will probably someday not be as handsome. But what if we started looking at others hearts, instead of looking at their outward appearance? What if we started REALLY looking at others character and heart before we judged them. Maybe you already do this, and maybe you may be thinking I am little shallow right now, but I am willing to let you think that. The Lord is showing me a lot right now. He is showing me what I need, and changing what I want, to what HE wants. He is showing me that focussing on outward beauty is not something that necessarily needs to be focused on. Don't get me wrong ladies, it is completely okay to want to feel and look beautiful. The Lord has made us this way.. its is just when we start to clasp our hand over it and want to control our beauty, that it starts to get a little out of hand.
What I am trying to say is I have crazy peace right now. I know I am where I am supposed to be where I am right now. I know that although everything I have gone through this past year has been crazy and hard, HE has a plan. He has not forgotten me. He knows the desires of my heart, and He knows where he wants to take me. I'm finally becoming okay with being in the passenger seat.
I love you guys, thanks for listening.
Ashie