Christmas is usually my favorite season. I mean, I get into it...and I usually start around October. Yes, October. I know, I know...let's at least let Thanksgiving get here, but there it is. Not this year. This year has been different. Not that I haven't enjoyed putting up my Christmas tree, or burning my "evergreen" candle to make my living room smell sweetly of Christmas time. Rather, it has just been a really big time of reflection and just even waiting. I do not know if I have ever really gotten the whole true, real reason for Christmas. Don't get me wrong...I get that fact that Jesus came and was born and how awesome that is. However, I do not think I have ever gotten the angst of the waiting part. The advent part. The waiting on something better and worthwhile and something that could drastically change us all part. I think in the midst of heartbreak or maybe even warfare of the soul where you are really feeling the weight of something greater than yourself, have I really had the opportunity to feel the angst of waiting.
The angst of waiting for perfect timing can be extremely hard. One reason this is probably so hard is the simple task- waiting (which is not oh, so simple when you actually have to do it). Waiting sucks. Especially in this zip-zap world that we live in. We long for instant gratification and when we don't get it we become dissatisfied and unhappy. We look for something more. We look for something better; or even a replacement of sorts. I think the grass is greener mentality comes out at this time. One thing I have noticed about myself here lately is the amount of good advice that will come out of my mouth and then when that gets tested I believe I fail miserably. It is frustrating to say the very least. Why can't what I read and what I know to be true just come as a natural thing and progression in my life. Refinement.
"He knows what He is doing with me, and when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." Job 23:10
I will not even pretend to have it all together. I am quite a far cry from that. I mean, if you read my blog at all I think I talk about waiting and such a lot...because obviously I have some trust issues with the Lord. Here lately though, I have really been blessed by the Lord to see these major areas where I am not trusting him, or where I feel like He is allowing me some room to really be tested on some things He is showing me and doing in my life. In that, there has been this angst. This want to be where He desires me to be.
As Christmas day approaches, I have also been thinking on timing. The sermons I have heard lately and also things I have been reading have spoken a lot about timing The timing of the Christ-child. The waiting on the Messiah. The anticipation of what was to come. The hope that filled people's hearts for something greater than themselves. For something that would rescue them from their hurts, their pains, their sorrow. The Lord waited for perfect timing for Jesus to come. There were prophesies made and many thought He was to come sooner. The Lord waited for the perfect time though...not what was expected, but what was right. This thought has been coming to my mind a lot here lately. It just has really been sinking in how great our God's plans are for us and how He has so much better long-term plans for us than we could possibly think of. And also how timing is everything. I know that is saying that is probably overused, but over the past couple of months, I have really come to believe them to be true. Timing is everything. And the Lord has a right timing for everything. I believe this with all my heart. It is not our job to look at our lives and say, "You know Lord, I don't think you have this right...." instead we just have to trust that He knows what He is doing. (Trust me...I am preaching to myself here.) With that, I still believe we can wait anxiously. Anxiously awaiting our Savior and what He is to do and to bring. We can hope. We can pray. We can say, come quickly Lord Jesus, we long for your coming. BUT, trusting that He is to come, that He is to bring a mighty deliverance...that angst in waiting; it can be tough. I do believe, even in the hardest of days, in the end His timing and His best is worth the wait. I mean, we got Jesus...that is a pretty awesome gift, right?
Food for thought..more so for me. Just thought I would share. Love you all so very much and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas wherever you are.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Idealistic or Hopeful?
I am in a season in which two very valuable things to me are being and have been sacrificed. One not so voluntarily, and the other, after much prayer, wrestling and much fight, voluntarily given up. I do not know what this season will bring about in my life. One has already happened, one will in the next couple of months. Obedience seems to be the word that comes to the forefront of my mind here lately. Not in a self-righteous, man, I am awesome way kind of way, but in a humble, I know this is my only option and the Lord will bless it kind of way. This has been a season where I have no clue what the Lord is up to, but I also know He is out for my good, and I am learning that more and more every day. Like really, really learning that...even in the super hard lessons (which seem to be the theme this year). With that though, I do not think I would want to take back this entire year. If I look back from last year at this time, things that have happened have shaped and molded me into who I believe the Lord is making me into. I do not love some of the things that have happened, and understanding seems to be bit by bit, and just sometimes overrated because I do not know if I will understand for quite some while, but again, I know they have to be for a purpose.
Both of these things have been things that, in hopes of letting go, there is hope for some greater plan, greater happiness and more so greater joy in Christ. When it comes down to it, that is all I am living for...
It has taken me about 3 years and 7 months (yes, I counted it...this is why journals are good!) to get to this point and it has been nothing short of a journey. Literally there has been a lot that has happened in these 3 years and 7 months, but as I approach every new day the Lord begins to reveal more and more of this awesome puzzle that He is putting together. (The puzzle being ME!;)) I am encouraged during this time with the scripture He so readily makes available to me. 1 John 3:19-21 says,
"By this we shall know that we are of truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
God knows everything in my heart. From my deepest desire to know and love him and to bring Him glory with my life, to my desire for Him to allow and bring my sweet one and future beloved into my life so I can love, build up HIm up and who will also take care of me and try to love me as Christ loves the church. (Have you ever thought of how huge of a task this is women...I mean seriously, think on that. Men have a huge task ahead of them in marriage). A desire for the Lord to bring someone with an unquenchable passion for Him into my life who wants to be with me. HE knows that I desire that. He knows all the desires of my heart and I am rest assured that if these deep-seeded heart desires do not match His will for my life then He WILL change those desires. For He is good and does good and will not let his child suffer. He knows what He is doing.
2 Timothy 2:13 says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful."
That alone is one of the most encouraging things I know of. When I look at other's circumstances around me (even my pastor of almost 4 and 1/2 years Matt Chandler and his wife Lauren) they have had much heavier of things to bear then what I have felt as though I have had to "endure". Sometimes I can be a bit dramatic, however I have had to go through trials that have been very hard for me. There have been (and still are) times when it is easy for me to faithless. It is sometimes easier (or so I think at the time..) to take the faithless, hopeless, "everything is awful' route. But, when I really think about it, and think on it...is that really the easier route? I think not. All that develops is a bitter and resentful heart that is not characteristic of the woman I long to be.
At times, I think I am the girl who people think needs to "get a grip" or one that seems to hold some very idealistic ideals of life and hope for seemingly impossible things. I am not realistic some people have said. But isn't that what Christ is in the business of doing...making the impossible possible? Of restoration? If he takes my mourning and turns it into dancing. If he takes my weeping and turns into laughing and most of all if He takes my sadness and turns it into joy, isn't that the same God that can make all things new and make hope something that is tangible?
I tell my kids every day to believe in the impossible. I encourage them to know how wonderful they are. To focus on things they have control over and not only achieve those, but dream big. Hope. Love others and believe there is a greater plan for your life than what you can see right now. Sometimes I think the Lord brought me into teaching because maybe I do have a somewhat idealistic view on life. I was thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks, and then the thought came to mind- maybe it is not an idealistic view I have on life, but rather, maybe, just maybe it is Christ's joy in my life and the Hope for what is to come and my hope in Him. How awesome would it be if I could really say that and constantly live in that abundant joy?
Listen, I don't know why I am 25, still single, living alone, and so busy that I do not have time to turn around at the moment instead of being a married woman of 25 living with her sweet hubby and baby(ha, that is where I thought I would be at this point)...but this is where the Lord has me. They say acceptance is important and I think that is where I am right now. I am hopeful for what is to come, hopeful that hte Lord is to do a GREAT work in me that will solely glorify Him and also in the lives of those closest around me. I am thankful He is allowing the fog to lift from a very cloudy and unsure season...even if it is just for today. Paul Tripp said on Sunday at church, "God will take us where we have not intended to go so that He can produce in you what you could not acheive on your own." He calls this uncomfortable grace. If that is what He is calling me to, then I will choose to rejoice in that and be expectant when He brings a conclusion and some sort of understanding to this time.
Hallelujah, He makes all things new. You bring restoration, Sweet Jesus.
Both of these things have been things that, in hopes of letting go, there is hope for some greater plan, greater happiness and more so greater joy in Christ. When it comes down to it, that is all I am living for...
It has taken me about 3 years and 7 months (yes, I counted it...this is why journals are good!) to get to this point and it has been nothing short of a journey. Literally there has been a lot that has happened in these 3 years and 7 months, but as I approach every new day the Lord begins to reveal more and more of this awesome puzzle that He is putting together. (The puzzle being ME!;)) I am encouraged during this time with the scripture He so readily makes available to me. 1 John 3:19-21 says,
"By this we shall know that we are of truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
God knows everything in my heart. From my deepest desire to know and love him and to bring Him glory with my life, to my desire for Him to allow and bring my sweet one and future beloved into my life so I can love, build up HIm up and who will also take care of me and try to love me as Christ loves the church. (Have you ever thought of how huge of a task this is women...I mean seriously, think on that. Men have a huge task ahead of them in marriage). A desire for the Lord to bring someone with an unquenchable passion for Him into my life who wants to be with me. HE knows that I desire that. He knows all the desires of my heart and I am rest assured that if these deep-seeded heart desires do not match His will for my life then He WILL change those desires. For He is good and does good and will not let his child suffer. He knows what He is doing.
2 Timothy 2:13 says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful."
That alone is one of the most encouraging things I know of. When I look at other's circumstances around me (even my pastor of almost 4 and 1/2 years Matt Chandler and his wife Lauren) they have had much heavier of things to bear then what I have felt as though I have had to "endure". Sometimes I can be a bit dramatic, however I have had to go through trials that have been very hard for me. There have been (and still are) times when it is easy for me to faithless. It is sometimes easier (or so I think at the time..) to take the faithless, hopeless, "everything is awful' route. But, when I really think about it, and think on it...is that really the easier route? I think not. All that develops is a bitter and resentful heart that is not characteristic of the woman I long to be.
At times, I think I am the girl who people think needs to "get a grip" or one that seems to hold some very idealistic ideals of life and hope for seemingly impossible things. I am not realistic some people have said. But isn't that what Christ is in the business of doing...making the impossible possible? Of restoration? If he takes my mourning and turns it into dancing. If he takes my weeping and turns into laughing and most of all if He takes my sadness and turns it into joy, isn't that the same God that can make all things new and make hope something that is tangible?
I tell my kids every day to believe in the impossible. I encourage them to know how wonderful they are. To focus on things they have control over and not only achieve those, but dream big. Hope. Love others and believe there is a greater plan for your life than what you can see right now. Sometimes I think the Lord brought me into teaching because maybe I do have a somewhat idealistic view on life. I was thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks, and then the thought came to mind- maybe it is not an idealistic view I have on life, but rather, maybe, just maybe it is Christ's joy in my life and the Hope for what is to come and my hope in Him. How awesome would it be if I could really say that and constantly live in that abundant joy?
Listen, I don't know why I am 25, still single, living alone, and so busy that I do not have time to turn around at the moment instead of being a married woman of 25 living with her sweet hubby and baby(ha, that is where I thought I would be at this point)...but this is where the Lord has me. They say acceptance is important and I think that is where I am right now. I am hopeful for what is to come, hopeful that hte Lord is to do a GREAT work in me that will solely glorify Him and also in the lives of those closest around me. I am thankful He is allowing the fog to lift from a very cloudy and unsure season...even if it is just for today. Paul Tripp said on Sunday at church, "God will take us where we have not intended to go so that He can produce in you what you could not acheive on your own." He calls this uncomfortable grace. If that is what He is calling me to, then I will choose to rejoice in that and be expectant when He brings a conclusion and some sort of understanding to this time.
Hallelujah, He makes all things new. You bring restoration, Sweet Jesus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)