take a deep breathe.

there are times when you get a little side-tracked on what you are actually doing.  you look at the bad things that are happening, or have been happening, instead of looking at what you need to be looking at...or the things that are most important.  you think about the things that suck, the things that aren't going right, and the injustices that you feel are being put on you.  these are the days that i don't seem to really like, but ones in which I have been having constantly.  instead of looking that the reasons you are doing what you are doing, you look at every extenuating circumstance that has you going crazy at the moment.  when i think about how often i have been doing that lately versus just being there for my kids and putting the stress aside, it makes me a little sick, and a little sad.  why am i at the school i am at? is it to complain about how the district is imposing things on the teachers that i think is a little ridiculous...or is it to be there for the kid who just found out his mom has a couple of months to live?  am i there to complain about my work load, or am i there to see what huge strides these babies are making in a life they don't always know is worth living?  am i there to take it out on my kids that i can't get everything organized, or am i there to show that kiddo that does not have much love at home some love??

things to think about, huh?  i am thinking...and reevaluating.  

Update for Ashie

It is morning's like this that I LOVE and miss, but am ever so thankful for when I do actually have them.  I am just sitting on my couch, TV on in the background and sipping on coffee, which I might add is simply perfection.  (My new thing is I put a little nutmeg in my coffee and it adds a bit of Christmas Joy!).

I miss having mornings, or weekends like this.  They seem to be few and far between here lately, but I guess it just makes me even more thankful when I do have them.  I know I have been a little absent from the blogging world here lately, but the things that I have wanted to blog about I felt were either a little too personal, or had a lack of interesting quality, so thus, I have not written.   So here are a few things to catch you up on-

1.  School-  It is great.  I have new kiddos, a new year- new kids, and it has been different.  I got super attached to my kiddos last year, but I have started to become just as attached and love these kids just as much.  It has been fun having more kids that I know at the school because I get to give my old kids hugs and encouragement, and continuing building relationships with them, while building new ones with the new kiddos :)  I have about 32 in all of my classes.  Needless to say this is a little overwhelming at times.  One class I have so many personalities I barely know what to do with them...but the Lord shows me patience, so I try to show them that same thing.  There is not a lack of problems that these kids have to deal with, and I am thankful for the Lord has allowed me a chance to talk with them and try to show them love daily.  I am also thankful for a Principal that really believes in our kids at school.  It is encouraging and helps you keep going when you get down.

2.  Cheerleading- I love my girls...but I am getting a little worn out.  I have recently taken over Varisty (just for about two weeks) due to one of my Sweet Friends, Haley (the Varsity coach) getting married!  That has been interesting, and boy do I have some stories!  As soon as I fill little Miss. Haley in on what happened I may blog about some of the stories...some of the ones that are funny now that I am about of them.  ha.  Cheerleading is a whole other world, and I have a whole new respect for Haley being the Varsity Coach.  I love those girls A LOT...but drama seems to ensue anytime cheerleading is involved.

3.  The rest of life is good...I have started going to the Dallas Campus of the Village and I LOVE IT!! IT is great...if you are checking out churches we would love to have you!  IT is great and I am just so thankful for my church family!

That is all for the moment...I will blog when I have more to say.  Love you all.

Ashie :)

good. and promising.

In him, we have redemption, through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making knows to us the mystery of his will according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

Ephesians 1:7-10

Turning over a new leaf..

Do you have ever have days where you pretend you are someone else?  Maybe you do not pretend…but in your head you think about what it would be like to be someone else.  I think about living in the city, and having a indispensable amount of money.  I am single, and shop however I would like and wear some of the most fabulous trends.  I am a writer.  This is how I fund my addiction that is called shopping.  I live in tweed suits with Chanel purses and Christian lubuiton heels.  I flit about my apartment that is a tie between anthropologie and new-york comfort.  I am not scared to live alone, but have embraced it.  I see myself as an independent woman whom is capable of anything that I set my mind to.  I write to old music that stirs my brain into a tizzy and creates some of the most amazing works.  People think of me as not only a literary genius, but as someone who does not have to follow regular grammar rules but adheres to her own set of rules in which the sentence structure surprises and woos the reader to continue on in each “work of art”. 

 

Then…I come back to life.  My life, albeit not near as glamorous does have many perks.  This week may not have been one of the most amazing weeks of my life, but still, at the end of the day, I know there is much to be thankful for.  I have a roof over my head.  I live in an apartment, by myself, which I pay for on my own.  I do not have much debt, other than the wonderful school loans I incurred while at DBU, and I have yet to have a credit card to my name.  (My Pap said that would probably be the worst possible thing for me…that I have to agree.  I may not have a life with an indispensable amount of money, but at times I would like to act like it).  There are a lot of reasons to be unhappy in life, but there are also a lot of reasons to look on the bright side of things.  To look at the side of things where there are possibilities and perhaps, they are endless.  Perhaps you can do anything you put your mind to, and you can be almost anything you would like to be.  It may be in a slightly smaller realm of popularity, for instance- I would LOVE for everyone to find me witty and ingenious when it comes to my comments, but for right now I have a group of friends and dear family that will, if nothing else, indulge my need to feel loved and laugh at my jokes.  Life is not always about checks and balances, or right and wrong, but sometimes it is how you live it.  Yes, I believe Christ is the reason for why I get through my day, and ultimately who I live for… but at times I think I forget to live.- to take the opportunities given to me and to not look back.  To look at every mistake or frustration, or disappointment and instead of wallowing in it, or reliving it second my second, be thankful for the new second I am still living in.  Things may not be perfect.  I may not be the most clean or organized, or have the most well-put together apartment due to my MESSINESS (a big AMEN to that..) but I am Ashley.  There is no one else like me.  Just like there is no one else like you.  If we were all created in a way that was wonderful, then why don’t we live that out.  Why don’t we take pleasure in that?  Why, do we insist upon dwelling in the past and looking at ourselves as what we once were instead of looking into what we are becoming?

 

This is going to be my new mantra.  This year, I will try to stop living in the past.  I will try to stop counting every mistake, and start looking at the grace that is afforded me by Christ.  I will try to give others more grace and see this as a journey, that may have bad days, but is taking me to an ultimate goal.  I also vow to unclutter my life which may take a while.  This may not seem to be as big of an undertaking, but trust me my friend… I still have In Style magazines from 2006.  One would not call that healthy, or clutter-free.

 

This is my vow.  I will keep you updated.

 

~Inspired by the movie Julie and Julia.

the testing of your faith develops perseverance..

you know there are a lot of things that test our faith.  things that you are not expecting, and when they come into your life you are pleasantly surprised.  you may also realize that this is part of progressive sanctification.  i am at a place right now where I am not quite sure what the Lord is doing, but I am seeing his hand in much.  he is so gracious to comfort but yet also allows that bit of discomfort to sink in when needed.  i think he puts us in places where we aren't comfortable to grow and mold and shape us.  these places are not always our favorite places, but through these places we become who he is making us to be.  when we are being stretched and molded in the daily events of life we are being shaped to be more like him.  

one thing that has seemed to have left me this summer is articulation.  At times this summer, when I feel like it is most crucial to articulate my point of view, but I can't make people understand what I am saying.  my heart knows what I am trying to say, but my mouth cannot put it into words.  as you can tell by reading this blog.  i need more of him, but i am also finding out that I don't know exactly what it is that I NEED.  I am nothing without Him though.  And as you become closer to Him I think that it causes you to make some big decisions that are sometimes hard and sometimes misunderstood.  I long for understanding, but that is not something that I can always find.  

Questions to consider

Some questions that the Lord is dealing with my heart on as well as questions/ideas I am just trying to search through and answer are as following:

What does it look like to be 23 and a Christ-follower?

 

Religion vs. truly knowing Christ.  

 

Righteousness vs. legalism.

 

Hypocrisy in the church and the way that we feel about the church now...

 

What He wants vs. What we want-

I'll let you know what I find out when I am done.  :)  It should take me awhile.  Love you guys!  Happy Thursday, hope you are not melting! 

I REALLY, REALLY, miss my KIDS!

Dear Ash,

Note to self- find things to preoccupy yourself during the summer so you do not feel so sad during the days.

Thank you,

Ash

May I just tell you that I am way more of a people person that I am a loner?  As much as I love to have my free, by-myself time, I suck at it when it is all the time.  And this living SO far out from all my friends in Dallas, Highland Village and Denton is killing me a bit.  The thing is I know the Lord has me here for a reason, but it is the ever-so-present urging that comes out about wanting to live in a different city when summer hits and all of a sudden I have this free time that I wish I had during the school year.  Oh, goodness me...the grass is always greener on the other side, huh?

The Lord is showing me so much in this "wonderful" alone time that I have right now...but with that amazingness comes this angst that I cannot describe fully, other than just telling you, I have a spirit-filled angst.  My soul is in this constant kind of longing for Jesus and that is alone is super cool, but I feel like the Lord is showing me so many things about myself and just things in my life that it can a bit overwhelming to say the least.  With this growth comes major growing pains and with the growing pains comes this amazing desire for the hurting to stop..ya know?  The Lord seems to really work on my heart the most admist times like this for some reason.  The weightiness of what He is showing me though is exhausting.  but again, so good.  I know that may not make sense, but to those of you that have been in this exact place, I know you know where I am coming from.  Letting go and letting God is something that I am constantly trying to grasp, understand and achieve, but I am finding when I start to try to achieve this this is where the problem starts.  Again, it is not for ME to grasp, but for Him to show me.  There is such a beauty and again, such angst in realizing this.  Miss. Perfectionist Ashley is learning and missing what constantly  stirs my affections for Christ,  but I know he is preparing me for something...what that something is, who knows.  All, I know is being kingdom-minded is something that is to be attained and the Lord is showering so much love when times get a little much.  Praise his name!

I love you guys...liter post next time, perhaps?

ps- If you went to church this weekend and heard Matt's message, when he mentioned..are you living in a way that is kingdom-minded?  With your money, friends, family, etc.?  Hit me right between the eyes.  Man, oh man...

Love you guys, oh so much.