Let's Talk Bored

I know what you may be thinking... wHOa!! Ash, what the heck were you thinking posting this picture of yourself? Well.... this is how bored i am. ha. this is me from yesterday. assuming that i have the flu.. which i am going to assume that i have had... this is me, with the flu. ha ha, my poor future husband... this is what you have to look forward to when i get sick!! yah!! :) he he, okay.... i digress.

A little bit of an update! i am feeling much better today, but i am still in the stage where i can't be up for too long or i start to feel icky again. but... i am feeling much better, so praise Jesus for that!!!!!!! My grandmother has been taking care of me, and i am ever so thankful for that! I feel that in a couple of days i should be up and running around. well, maybe a slight jog, rather than run ;) Project Runway and Rob and Big are the t.v. shows that have kept me sane while being sick. I also had a blast from the past while watching Pebbles and Bam Bam at 4:25 in the morning the other day! Pray my Mimi and Pap DO NOT catch this "bug" that i have... i would feel awful, and so would they!!!

With all this time to lay here and think, i have decided i am ready for flip flop season!!!! Anybody with me???? I am ready for flip-flops and sundresses and maybe a slight tan!! yah!!

okay, im done, im in that bored/hyper/wanting to be better mood. love you all.

i'm sick.

1. this afternoon i was running almost a 100 degree temp. i don't know what i have... for my minds sake, im just going to tell myself it is a sinus infection. yuck. i don't know when the last time i had a fever was. i am also burning up although it is freezing in my room.
2. i can't find anything on t.v., and i don't want to read. there could be worse things in the world, i know. ha
3. i was able to watch (well on and off bc i fell asleep) a doris day movie today. Doris Day movies are some of my favorites. they make me think about my mom. we love old doris day movies and always used to watch them when i was younger on sunday afternoons. it was our thing.
4. although i am burning up, i am craving a cinnamon dolce latte from starbucks... can we addicted.
5. i miss my parents when i get sick.
6. i am in a puppy-wanting mood right now. perhaps a yorkie or a cocker spaniel?
7. hopefully i will get better by wednesday, i have sub orientation for aisd. perhaps pray i get to feeling better by then???
8. the lord is showing me a lot right now and trying to show me patience. i would not say i am good with the whole patience thing quite yet... but i am trying. the lord is faithful even when i am not. i am thankful for that.
9. although im ready to get a job, im scared to death of it at the same time. does that make sense??? comfort zones will soon be broken down, and to me, that is scary. but i know it is time to step out in faith, and just trust.
10. i take my teXes exam on Feb. 23rd, and need to study more than i have been.
11. thank you for reading my list. love you all, im going to try to rest my eyes a bit. :)

The Splendor of MY KING.

Just really dig deep into these lyrics/words :)

The splendor of a king
clothed in majesty
let all the earth rejoice
let all the earth rejoice
he wraps himself in light
and darkness tries to hide
and trembles at his voice
and trembles at his voice
how great is our God
how great is our God
all we see how great, how great, is our God

Name above all names
he is worthy of our praise
my heart will sing how great... is our God!

thinking about these words/lyrics tonight as just got me thinking. above all else, through every circumstance that we deal with, He is the mighty king. He loves us, and longs for us to experience joy. To attain joy, or realize the magnitude of the joy that the Lord longs to give to us, many times we have to experience pain, or really just experience the reality of our sin nature and repent. repenting is awesome, but turning from the actual stronghold (aka sin) is the hard part. So tonight, i am not going to look at how hard it can be, instead i am going to mediatate on these words above, and the truth behind these words. How great is our God. :)

Trip To Houston

my cute new purse... a la Victorias Secret.. it came with smelly good stuff. It was a steal!!

my computer has officially decided to become STUCK... we knew it was coming, but I was hoping to get all of my music off of it first. Figures. Maybe there is hope in the future....????

After my FIRST trip to Panera Bread with daddy... i love me some coffee.

Daddy and his coffee... he loves his coffee too, but does not like silly poses.

Cheers!! I love him!!

Mom telling me how much she loves dad... i captured her in the moment.. he he :)

Me and momma.

And that was my trip in pictures. it was short, it is always too short, but i always feel like i should get back to dallas because there are always things going on there too. bittersweet to leave every time. i wish they still lived in dallas, but i am glad they are happy in houston. (okay, happy they are happy... but secretly wish they lived in dallas;))

Love you all. Pray for a safe trip back tomorrow.

my new best friend.

I have found the miracle cure. i have had skin issues for a long while now, and i stress out quite a bit, which brings my little skin issues on more often than not. so, when in target, i saw a Burts Bees Product, of which, I am now completely IN LOVE with. it is amazing. just roll the little tea tree oil on your problem spots at night, and in the morning.... clear skin. im telling you... its amazing. thannnkkkkk youuuuu burts bees wax, i am now in love with two of your products. they will forever be in "my essentials" pile in my purse. :)

other beauty essentials i love: Philosophy Hope in a Jar, Burts Bees Lip Balm (the original... NOT the honey kind! yuck!), Burts Bees Herbal Blemish Stick, and Bare Essentials Makeup. :)

i know this is a bit of a frivolous post, but i felt at the same time this was important information to pass along. love you all.

Soundtrack to life?

Have you ever thought about if you were to have a soundtrack to you life, what would be on it? Would would be played? What type of songs would be played most of the time? I guess I thought about that today. That is probably silly, but that was just one of those random thoughts that came across my mind today.
Today I drove down to Houston to spend some time with my parents before I actually start working. (No, I haven't started work yet, I will be soon, in about a week.) While I was riding down, I was just thinking, praying, and trying to listen. So many thoughts are running through my head at this point in time. Sometimes, I would like to just tell my mind to stop running. I wish that I would stop worrying. My problem is I would like to know my plan for the next year (at least), and I am a point where I can't exactly plan right now. I do not know where I am going to get a job, I still have to take my test, I don't know where I am going to live.... all this begins to get to me and I try to formulate some kind of plan to make myself feel better. Its like I don't know what to do with myself, now that I am not in school.... and I know I really only have to wait for 2 or 3 months for answers, but it just seems forever away ya know. Maybe you are thinking I am silly.... and I know, I am, but this is the honest truth... I am scared. Scared about the future. And at this point, I feel like I have given everything that I over to the Lord, and this is where I just have to wait on Him. And I am really trying to do this... I just don't know why trusting is so hard sometimes.
I have been broken down in so many ways this week. It has been somewhat exhausting, but refreshing at the same time. I have just come to a point where my hands are open.... completely open. I am afraid that it may not look like that others outside of me... but, really, I feel like my hands are completely open, and I know the Lord knows my needs, and will sustain me, as well as bring me a peace in the things he wants me to pursue and do.
I am just so heavy-hearted tonight. But, the Lord is good.

Beautiful- Bethany Dillon
i was unique, now I feel skin deep.
i count on the makeup to cover it all.
crying myself to sleep because I cannot keep their attention
thought I could be strong but its killing me
someone hear my cry, I'm dying for life

i want to beautiful.
make you stand in awe.
look inside my heart, and be amazed
i want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough
just want to be worthy of love and beautiful

sometimes i wish i was someone other than me
fighting to make the mirror happy
trying to find whatever is missing
won't you help me back to glory

i want to beautiful
make you stand in awe.
look inside my heart.
and be amazed
i want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love, you make me beautiful
you make me stand in awe
you step inside my heart and I am amazed.
i love to hear you say, who I am is quite enough.
and you make me worthy of love and beautiful.
you make worthy of love and beautiful.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:16

Insert something witty here...

Girls! May I highly recommend a WoNdErFUL, witty, cute and just fun chick-flick, which will leave you actually feeling better about yourself and not sad about not having a found the love of your life quite yet MOVIE!! Not only is it soooooo funny, the script is also witty, and the entire cast is extremely well-fit for the movie!! I give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!! I have already seen it twice, once with my girls, and the other time with one of the girls that was in the youth group when I interned at Church on Rush Creek!! I actually quoted the movie a couple of blogs back... oh, so cute!! Boys may like it too... but I think it is more of a movie to see with your girls. It is also a laugh-out-loud movie if you have been in weddings before period. I want to tell you all the lines, but I will not ruin the movie for you... JUST GO SEE IT!! Take the night off girls, go eat a great meal, get some coffee and go see this great movie!! :)

I have been planning on spending the night reading and studying for my test... yet, again, this is not happening, so I am going to go do this now!! Love you guys oh so much!!

Ashie

Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch.. You know that I love youuuuu!

love. Do you ever see that old couple who are still so in love. Sometimes you see them at a restaurant, maybe walking or shopping together. You can find them at the mall in their little white tennis shoes walking hand and hand down the big long isle ways together. The man watches his wife, and holds on to her to make sure she does not trip or lose balance, and the woman seems, by the same token, holding her husband up for his balance as well. Every time I see one of these couples they seem ever so intentional. It makes me smile. Have you ever seen the movie When Harry Met Sally? They have all these older couples talking about where they met, and how they fell in love. So sweet. Some would call me a romantic, and you can call me that, but I really just think it is remarkable to see couples who have been together for so long and really seem to love each other so deeply. Their love seems so sweet, so perfect. I know the only true perfect love is found in Christ... but I do hope to one day be one of those couples. I pray that I am one of those couples. One of those couples that the Lord blesses with their desicion to follow Him, and perhaps allows me and my future mate to grow old with one another. To see each other through the good and the bad, and then end up in chick-fil-a or our favorite little bagel shop (maybe thats in my little fantasy, because I have a bagel shop right now I love that is so quaint) just sitting with one another, and enjoying one another. I hope to be that couple.

Well, I really don't have anything eloquent to say, but it is just refreshing when I see this. Like a breath of fresh air... he he :) Okay, I'm getting sappy, and lets just face it, its late and I am getting sleepy. So off to bed, I will put some pictures up with some updates soon, my blog is looking way too wordy, and a little boring. (Although it is pretty in pink.)

LOVE YOU ALL!

oh, the fun moments in life...

There are moments in all of our lives, when in some way, you know exactly what is about to happen. one may call it intuition, others just a that inert sense one has of things that are destined to be... the thing is, I am not in one of those moments. I have had several of these moments throughout my life, and I do not really know how to explain them, but, in one way or another, I just knew what was going to happen. Right now is a time in my life in which I do not have any clue as to what is to happen next. Yes, I have some sort of an idea of what I could possibly see happening, but I have no idea what is really to come, or honestly, exactly what I want. If the Lord has taught me anything this year, and trust me, he has certainly taught me many things this year, it is that it does not really matter what I want. It really doesn't matter... because we are here to glorify Him.. not ourselves. So any plan that I choose to decide upon, is probably not going to happen. ha. I say this now with joy and a bit of laughter because a year ago I did not quite grasp that. But.. the Lord has brought me farther than I could have ever imagined, and I can only hope he continues to shape and mold me. Although these have been some hard times, they have been sweet times, and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. :)

I have started a Step Study at church, which is a bible study that goes through a biblical approach to the twelve step program. It is for anything and everything that you can imagine... from people who struggle with trust issues to drug problems. It covers everything you can imagine, and is I am sure, going to be a very great thing for me to go through. I am only starting week 2 and already learning so many amazing things!! Our God is soo gracious and loving and so incredibly smart. I mean, have you ever thought about this!?!? I know this may seem like a thing that is ridiculous for me to even talk about because it is so obvious... but I am in awe of how brilliant our Lord is. I mean, look at the Earth, look all over at creation. What he has made from NOTHING... the intellect that had to take. Its baffling to me.. but just sooo cool. One of those things I cannot even wrap my mind around. I am just in awe of our God!!

I will leave you with a quote that I that was Oh so funny from the movie 27 dresses. This was after the woman in the film (Katherine heigl) found out that her favorite writer was really not sincere about anything he wrote.
"I feel like I just found out that my favorite love song was written about a sandwich."

Okay, okay.. maybe it is not funny to you... but I think it is HILARIOUS!!

Goodnight y'all, love you all oh soo much!!

Its been too long.

I have changed my blog again... yes, yes, I know, again. But.... I am thinking this one is going to stick. For a couple of reasons:
1. It is pink
2. It has a tree. I am sort of obsessed with trees lately. What they can symbolize. Trees start out so tiny, but over time, they grow and grow. They become huge, and it is not overnight that this happens. It is over many seasons of life, over times that could possibly have seemed very drawn out, but, the trees have life and continue to grow. That is how I feel that I am right now. I am growing in the Lord, and although some of the changes are not happening over night, over time, he is growing me into the person he wants me to be.
3. It has hearts on the tree.. lets just be honest, I love hearts and pink, they make me happy. So it is sort of like a love tree if you will :)

I have not written in quite a while, so prepare for this post to long....

While, we are still on the subject of the change of my blogs look, I would like to talk about the quote I have underneath my name. I have been looking at many things that Mother Teresa said during her lifetime. What an amazing woman she was, with such a servants heart. If only I had a servants heart like that. I had a hard time choosing a quote of hers that I wanted to go under my name on my blog.. but I decided on the one above. I wanted to write a few of other quotes, because I just feel they are worthy to be displayed.

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Mother Teresa
Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own. Mother Teresa
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa
If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it. Mother Teresa
It is a kingly act to assist the fallen. Mother Teresa
It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish. Mother Teresa

I can't help but want to know this woman. We have all heard about her from one time or another, but just look at some of the quotes. One can clearly see the love she had for others through the words that she spoke. What a testimony. What a testimony to love until it hurts, love when you don't feel like it. To stop being so self-centered and to look at the world around you for a moment, and somehow understand the depravity that is around you. To keep going, to understand that there are hard times, but the Lord's love is a constant. To love deeply, and intentionally. What a message she has. This is a message I am convicted by when seeing, because I do not do these things nearly enough.

The quote that made me giggle a bit was the quote that says, "I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." I think in times of hardship, or pain, and growth (being as these things can sometimes be intertwined with one another) we may think that in our heads. Oh, Lord, not anything else, I know you know me far better than I could ever know myself, but if you could just refrain from making me go through something else.. that would be wonderful. Maybe you don't do this, but I DEFINITELY do. Even when talking with my good friend Robin today, I found us talking about things just being piled on and just feeling a little exhausted. But, I think in these times, this is when we need to say, Thank you Lord for giving me Grace, and help me to understand your love and grace more. Let it abound in me through the great works you are doing in my life. Man, the Lord is awesome. I find myself being convicted often more than not lately... convicted of not being content in my circumstances.... where the Lord has put me. Not BELIEVING that God has put me here purposely. Why do I do that??? This is a question that I keep asking myself. I also keep, constantly, being told by my Mimi that I am not grateful for where I am at this moment. Not grateful for this resting period. I think she is right to a certain degree... but I will add, I am trying. Trying is not always obedience however.

I am in a place at the moment, that I am thinking that every college graduate goes through. A time in which they have NO CLUE where the next step is. Sure, I know what I want to do... at least I think I do. I know I want to teach... but there is still on this preliminary things I have to do before even being hired. Be accepted into a program, study for the test, take the test, go to job fairs and interviews, Lord-willing get a job, and then do the rest of the requirements for teaching. As I am writing this, I am seeing how much I am not trusting the Lord. I just want to succeed, I rationalize... but I need to also realize that the Lord has a far greater plan than I have probably even imagined. It is just getting into that mind-set and resting in it, that I have not quite figured out how to do yet.

I am joining my step-study at church. I accidentally slept through it last week, so tomorrow will be the first time. I think it will be hard, but good. Taking a look at all my junk is never fun, BUT... there is such a great amount of joy in seeing Christ move and love on me through and despite all of my dirtiness!! Thank you sweet Jesus for Grace!!

Love you guys, thanks for hanging in there if you read this all. Love you!

The Lord is Faithful

He is faithful. He is and has always been faithful, and that is all I can think about today. How GREAT is OUR GOD!! I will explain more later, but I just wanted to recognize how amazing and worth so much more than what we can possibly bring to Him, yet he has chosen for us to be His children. I am in awe of our mighty God!

Goodness Gracious...

one thing that I ask myself, quite constantly, is why do I not realize how Good the Lord is ALL THE TIME? There is so much reflection going on at this time of the year... ratings, if you will, on how wonderful, or bad, or mediocre the year was. The sad thing is, if I am being truthful, is what I have thought of the past year. I have kept my mouth shut while others are reflecting.. but, regardless, whether I choose to keep my mouth shut or not, the Lord knows my heart, and how I feel.
The sad thing is, in the sense of my not really being truely reflective, is that the Lord has been beyond gracious to me in this past year... not only gracious, but has showed me, and given me FAR MORE than what I deserve. I have asked for things, things that I would like Him to show me, so that I may have more trust in what He had already told me to do, or had shown me He was doing, only for Him to do these things and go over and beyond more than I could ever imagine. So my question is... when am I going to learn? When I am really going to see that Christ IS truthful, worthy to be trusted and is fully capable of making whatever HIS will is happen. I am not in control, and do not need to be, or honestly really want to be when I look at all of this.
The Lord is teaching me so much... I don't know what else to say other than, if I have given any of you a negative impression of how this last year was, I am sorry. No, not all the times were the happiest.. but this year was full of growth, and the Lord has shown me more in this past year, than I could have ever imagined or fathomed.
Thank you Sweet Jesus!!