You know, Ideally it would be wonderful to have a witty blog. Perhaps a funny antidote that would just make your day. As much as I would like to have a post that is witty, and quite funny, I think this particular post might be a little more on the serious side. As you can see, it has been awhile since I have posted. The Lord has put a lot on my mind, and there are lots of things that I am seeing that need to be sorted through and dealt with. While I will not divulge what all I am dealing/struggling with, I do want to share with ya'll how amazing our sweet Jesus is, and just the wonderful revelations that he has shown me in the past couple of weeks.
There are so many things that he has showed me recently, so you will have to forgive me if this post is a little out of sorts. I really just want to share how GREAT our God is and just how he has an amazing sense of humor, while at the same time has this amazing love that is way past comprehension. This year has been a year in which there have been a lot of disappointments. Now that I have pretty much gotten through all of these situations that were disappointments, I have noticed how they were all based around what I wanted, and not what the Lord has for my life. I can be a control-freak. I like to control, I want to have my life planned out, shoot, 4 months ago I had a ten-year plan. Now, I am barely having day-to-day plans. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy planning, and I still try to plan, but the Lord has showed me that I am not promised tomorrow. And within that, since I am only promised today, It is important that I focus on the moment at hand. I think many times we get caught up in the future, and when we get so caught up in what plans we are making, we are missing the moments at hand. We are missing what the Lord is trying to show us in the here and now. So... if you think about it, we sure can miss a lot when we start to plan our lives out without consulting the Lord.
What is funny to me is this past year, I really thought that I was INCLUDING the Lord in my plans. I capitalize and bold the word including, because I was not basing it around my KING, nope instead, I was INCLUDING Him. In case you don't know this... those plans don't usually turn out well. The Lord knows what He is doing a lot better than we do. This is just something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. The Lord has also been showing me my Pride. I don't know if you have ever noticed this, but much of what we do as humans is based around our selfishness, pride and idolatry. I mean, it is sickening when you look at it. Last weekend, I literally was sick to my stomach at looking at myself. My Pride disgusts me, yet at times I thrive on it. I will be very honest with ya'll, I like to make good grades. I like to sound smart, and I REALLY like to be in the upper terr of things. When I am not, my pride is out of control. The Lord has also showed me this in the last year, as well as, just in the last week. I don't really know how to explain this.. but lately I have felt soo dumb. It is as if my mind and my mouth will not work together simultaneously. Instead, what I am thinking comes out as nonsense. It is really quite embarrassing. But what is that... ummm, that would be Pride. Maybe the Lord is telling me something with this, maybe I am exhausted and just need to go to him, instead of trying to talk myself to death. I know this is random, but this is just something that I have really been dealing with lately. It is so frustrating to me.
Since I know this blog is becoming quite long, I will only write about one more thing that has really been on my mind. The question of... Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder? Girls struggle with so many different issues. We are worried about how fat we are, or how skinny we are. We get caught up in the way we dress, the way our makeup should look, whether we are attractive to other men and of course women. I don't know if you have ever noticed this, but many times women try to dress for other women, as if they want to outdo one another. I have just noticed how much our culture is based around the way we look. It is as if the way we look determines how much success or happiness we will have in life. How sad is that. I mean really... I am pretty sure that beauty fades. But what does not fade is the beauty we find in HIM ladies! I hope ya'll know that I am saying this to myself as well. I have many issues when it comes to vanity... but why do we as women choose to seek out the beauty that culture so readily forces upon us, instead of looking to our King? Yesterday morning I went to a women's prayer breakfast. When these particular girls got up there to speak, they radiated. They were beautiful. They were not beautiful because they had the latest Coach purse, or the most beautiful hair, no, these ladies were beautiful because they radiated with Joy of the Lord. It was eye-opening to me. Our beauty is going to fade, and you know what ladies, even the handsome guy that you are really liking right now, will probably someday not be as handsome. But what if we started looking at others hearts, instead of looking at their outward appearance? What if we started REALLY looking at others character and heart before we judged them. Maybe you already do this, and maybe you may be thinking I am little shallow right now, but I am willing to let you think that. The Lord is showing me a lot right now. He is showing me what I need, and changing what I want, to what HE wants. He is showing me that focussing on outward beauty is not something that necessarily needs to be focused on. Don't get me wrong ladies, it is completely okay to want to feel and look beautiful. The Lord has made us this way.. its is just when we start to clasp our hand over it and want to control our beauty, that it starts to get a little out of hand.
What I am trying to say is I have crazy peace right now. I know I am where I am supposed to be where I am right now. I know that although everything I have gone through this past year has been crazy and hard, HE has a plan. He has not forgotten me. He knows the desires of my heart, and He knows where he wants to take me. I'm finally becoming okay with being in the passenger seat.
I love you guys, thanks for listening.
Ashie
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
About the Blog posted right before this one...
If you do happen to read the blog entry below this one.. know that I did not look over it before posting it, and don't know how to edit it now that I have posted it, so some words do not make sense where I have them, so while reading it just try to put the word that best fits there! ha ha, sorry guys, its late!
Oh Pride... How it does get the best of me sometimes!
So this week has been mind-numbing, for lack of a better word. I have never felt as if my brain could hold no more information. Now, you may think this is because I have just worked myself to the bone this week because I had so many tests, but sad to say, that is not why. This is has been one of those weeks in which the Lord has showed me what I need to work on. And, as you can probably guess from the Title of my blog tonight... it would be pride.
Pride is funny little thing. It creeps in when you least think it is, and also it is usually the root of most sin. As I am saying this I would like to write the verses to back this statement up... but being as I am looking through my Bible right now, and don't have my journal right here, I might have to put the verses on here later! I have this insane want to please everyone around them. The word for this is people-pleaser. Yes, unfortunatly, this is me. I want to make everyone happy, and if someone is unhappy, well... I want to cheer them up! (And for most of you that know me well... you know I tend to do this by breaking into song, making you a card, or making up a somewhat annoying cheer!) But, what I have really noticed is that I for one, have unreal expectations of others, and two am very prideful in the fact that I think that I am automatically make everyone happy. I take too much of a joy in it, so when I can't cheer someone up, or help solve someone's problem... I get down. Now, ladies and gents, this is my ugly friend Pride. I for some reason, not realy conciously, tend to think that I need to save the world. Which, as we already known, has been done by someone who is FAR greater than I. When I think about it, it is so ridiculous that I even try to do this... but, alas, I do.
Through a situation that I have been through recently, my pride has very much gotten in the way of my healing. I start to worry about what others are thinking of me, and worry that they may be judging my character, and thinking less of me. Honestly, my Mimi helped point this out to me at lunch today. I have this retarded issue of worrying about what others think of me, and it tends to affect me quite a bit. I would like to say I have gotten better at it... which I do believe I have, but in the past two weeks, I have failed miserably at being okay if I think someone is talking about me, or just thinking less of me without all the information. (Or just thinking bad of me in general) This has been my weak area.
Thursday was a day in which I really, REALLY got kicked in rear a couple of times! I had my pride pointed out to me by the Lord about 4 times that night. ha ha... and then of course, again Today. On the way home from church tonight, my friend Elise noticed how flustered that I am. And seriously guys, I just have never felt the way that I am feeling right now. I don't even know how to explain it..... but all I know, is that the Lord is good, faithful, and so so much more than I deserve. I am in awe of how he loves me, and loves me for the person I am right now, not for the person I am to become. My sweet Jesus loves me when my mind is on overload and I feel like I can't handle one more thing... He is there, constantly at my side. He is faithful, and I am not.
So... I know that I write a lot of lyrics on here, and maybe I should get a little more creative and come up with words of my own, but music is theraputic to my soul, so I am going to share some more lyrics that have really just been a good outlet for me this week.
This is just the chorus to In You by Shane and Shane:
In you I find my rest
In you I find my death
In you I find my all
My emptiness, somehow it all makes sense, In you
This is just how I have felt since Thursday. Shane and Shane always seem to know how I am feeling.. ha ha :)
And I Boast No More:
The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before thy throne
My faith can answer thy demands
By pleading what My Lord has done!!!!
No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more
Well.. if you have made it to the end of this post, I thank you for listening. Sometimes writing on here can be theraputic :) I love you guys more than you know!
Ashie
Pride is funny little thing. It creeps in when you least think it is, and also it is usually the root of most sin. As I am saying this I would like to write the verses to back this statement up... but being as I am looking through my Bible right now, and don't have my journal right here, I might have to put the verses on here later! I have this insane want to please everyone around them. The word for this is people-pleaser. Yes, unfortunatly, this is me. I want to make everyone happy, and if someone is unhappy, well... I want to cheer them up! (And for most of you that know me well... you know I tend to do this by breaking into song, making you a card, or making up a somewhat annoying cheer!) But, what I have really noticed is that I for one, have unreal expectations of others, and two am very prideful in the fact that I think that I am automatically make everyone happy. I take too much of a joy in it, so when I can't cheer someone up, or help solve someone's problem... I get down. Now, ladies and gents, this is my ugly friend Pride. I for some reason, not realy conciously, tend to think that I need to save the world. Which, as we already known, has been done by someone who is FAR greater than I. When I think about it, it is so ridiculous that I even try to do this... but, alas, I do.
Through a situation that I have been through recently, my pride has very much gotten in the way of my healing. I start to worry about what others are thinking of me, and worry that they may be judging my character, and thinking less of me. Honestly, my Mimi helped point this out to me at lunch today. I have this retarded issue of worrying about what others think of me, and it tends to affect me quite a bit. I would like to say I have gotten better at it... which I do believe I have, but in the past two weeks, I have failed miserably at being okay if I think someone is talking about me, or just thinking less of me without all the information. (Or just thinking bad of me in general) This has been my weak area.
Thursday was a day in which I really, REALLY got kicked in rear a couple of times! I had my pride pointed out to me by the Lord about 4 times that night. ha ha... and then of course, again Today. On the way home from church tonight, my friend Elise noticed how flustered that I am. And seriously guys, I just have never felt the way that I am feeling right now. I don't even know how to explain it..... but all I know, is that the Lord is good, faithful, and so so much more than I deserve. I am in awe of how he loves me, and loves me for the person I am right now, not for the person I am to become. My sweet Jesus loves me when my mind is on overload and I feel like I can't handle one more thing... He is there, constantly at my side. He is faithful, and I am not.
So... I know that I write a lot of lyrics on here, and maybe I should get a little more creative and come up with words of my own, but music is theraputic to my soul, so I am going to share some more lyrics that have really just been a good outlet for me this week.
This is just the chorus to In You by Shane and Shane:
In you I find my rest
In you I find my death
In you I find my all
My emptiness, somehow it all makes sense, In you
This is just how I have felt since Thursday. Shane and Shane always seem to know how I am feeling.. ha ha :)
And I Boast No More:
The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before thy throne
My faith can answer thy demands
By pleading what My Lord has done!!!!
No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more
Well.. if you have made it to the end of this post, I thank you for listening. Sometimes writing on here can be theraputic :) I love you guys more than you know!
Ashie
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Consider me Encouraged...
Sooooo... God never ceases to amaze me. As soon as I ask for help, HE gives it. Go figure.
Today, I went to my favorite bagel shop and got a bagel and an Irish Creme Latte (I know Mimi...) and went and just did my devotional there! And what do ya know... I feel like everything I have been questioning and such has been answered through verses and just what my devotional "Streams in the Desert" said. So I am pretty much just going to share what it said, and share with you the verses!! GOD IS SOOO GOOOD!
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1
What Streams in the Desert Said:
"There are certain things that are not sins themselves but that tend to wiegh us down or become distractions and stumbling blocks to our Christian growth. One of the worse of these is the feeling of DESPAIR or HOPELESSNESS. A heavy heart is indeed a weight that will surely drag us down in our holiness and usefulness.
We should never give ourselves the freedom to DOUBT God or His eternal love and faithfullness toward us in everything. We can be determined to set our own will against doubt just as we do against any other sin. THEN AS WE STAND FIRM, REFUSING TO DOUBT, THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL COME TO OUR AID, GIVING US THE FAITH OF GOD AND CROWING US WITH VICTORY.
IT IS VERY EASY TO FALL INTO THE HABIT OF DOUBTING, WORRYING, WONDERING IF GOD HAS FORSAKEN US, AND THIKING THAT AFTER ALL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH, OUR HOPES ARE GOING TO END IN FAILURE. But let us refuse to be discouraged and unhappy!
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks in wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1:2-6
The Devil has two very masterful tricks. The first is to tempt us to become discouraged, for them we are defeated and of no service to others, at least for awhile. The other is to tempt us to doubt, therby breaking the bond of faith that unites us with the Faher.
Then it went on to talk about how important it is to cultivate a spirit of happiness! "Sadness discolors everyutyhing around me and produces a mental paraylsis. Nothing has any appeal to me, future prospects seem clouded in darkness, and my soul loses all its aspriations and power!"
Ummm..... this is what I needed to hear. God never ceases to amaze me, and fill me in on what I need to know and believe so that I can have that perfect peace from Him!!
Love you guys.. thanks for prayin!
Today, I went to my favorite bagel shop and got a bagel and an Irish Creme Latte (I know Mimi...) and went and just did my devotional there! And what do ya know... I feel like everything I have been questioning and such has been answered through verses and just what my devotional "Streams in the Desert" said. So I am pretty much just going to share what it said, and share with you the verses!! GOD IS SOOO GOOOD!
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1
What Streams in the Desert Said:
"There are certain things that are not sins themselves but that tend to wiegh us down or become distractions and stumbling blocks to our Christian growth. One of the worse of these is the feeling of DESPAIR or HOPELESSNESS. A heavy heart is indeed a weight that will surely drag us down in our holiness and usefulness.
We should never give ourselves the freedom to DOUBT God or His eternal love and faithfullness toward us in everything. We can be determined to set our own will against doubt just as we do against any other sin. THEN AS WE STAND FIRM, REFUSING TO DOUBT, THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL COME TO OUR AID, GIVING US THE FAITH OF GOD AND CROWING US WITH VICTORY.
IT IS VERY EASY TO FALL INTO THE HABIT OF DOUBTING, WORRYING, WONDERING IF GOD HAS FORSAKEN US, AND THIKING THAT AFTER ALL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH, OUR HOPES ARE GOING TO END IN FAILURE. But let us refuse to be discouraged and unhappy!
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks in wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1:2-6
The Devil has two very masterful tricks. The first is to tempt us to become discouraged, for them we are defeated and of no service to others, at least for awhile. The other is to tempt us to doubt, therby breaking the bond of faith that unites us with the Faher.
Then it went on to talk about how important it is to cultivate a spirit of happiness! "Sadness discolors everyutyhing around me and produces a mental paraylsis. Nothing has any appeal to me, future prospects seem clouded in darkness, and my soul loses all its aspriations and power!"
Ummm..... this is what I needed to hear. God never ceases to amaze me, and fill me in on what I need to know and believe so that I can have that perfect peace from Him!!
Love you guys.. thanks for prayin!
?????
Well I said that I would probably not be writing any blogs this week.. and the next day, here I am. I guess sometimes this blog thing is thearuptic. I don't really have a particular subject that I am going to be writing on, so this may jump around quite a bit.
I am asking myself, and really the Lord, many questions here lately. I am going through a time in which thinking is becoming my enemy. The more I think about this "thing", the more I tend to dwell on it, so I am trying at all costs to not focus on this particular thing. (I know it would make more sense if I could tell you what it is, but I will not be doing that... so bear with me) But by not thinking about this particular "thing" am I avoiding healing from it? Or, is this just the way we are suppossed to get over things? If we just try to forgive and forget will that be the best way to go about things? Then, my thoughts go to, well everyone is different, and each person heals differently. So, maybe I just deal with it in the way that I know is best for my heart. But, honestly... I have no clue what is best for my heart. I am at such a standstill with what I need to do in order to heal from this "thing".
I looked up this verse last night:
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience; bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on LOVE, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. AND BE THANKFUL. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spritutal songs, with thankfulness to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him.
Colossians 3:12-17
I guess what I am trying to get at is is what is the best way to heal? It says it right there, but the human part of me sure does see that that is a lot harder than it looks. Because one, I do not have patience... which is maybe a lot of why God is teaching me what he is. Two, sometimes I love to a fault.. if that is possible. What I mean by this is I tend to get a hurt a lot, because I am not careful with people who have hurt me before. I tend to let it go and just come back for more...
Okay, lots of jumbled thoughts... if you have any thoughts on what I said, if it makes any sense, let me know.
Love you all!!
Ash
ps- I must clarify.. please do not take this as I feel that I am perfect, and others aren't. I just have a bunch of thoughts in my head, and sometimes it is good to get them down.
I am asking myself, and really the Lord, many questions here lately. I am going through a time in which thinking is becoming my enemy. The more I think about this "thing", the more I tend to dwell on it, so I am trying at all costs to not focus on this particular thing. (I know it would make more sense if I could tell you what it is, but I will not be doing that... so bear with me) But by not thinking about this particular "thing" am I avoiding healing from it? Or, is this just the way we are suppossed to get over things? If we just try to forgive and forget will that be the best way to go about things? Then, my thoughts go to, well everyone is different, and each person heals differently. So, maybe I just deal with it in the way that I know is best for my heart. But, honestly... I have no clue what is best for my heart. I am at such a standstill with what I need to do in order to heal from this "thing".
I looked up this verse last night:
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience; bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on LOVE, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. AND BE THANKFUL. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spritutal songs, with thankfulness to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him.
Colossians 3:12-17
I guess what I am trying to get at is is what is the best way to heal? It says it right there, but the human part of me sure does see that that is a lot harder than it looks. Because one, I do not have patience... which is maybe a lot of why God is teaching me what he is. Two, sometimes I love to a fault.. if that is possible. What I mean by this is I tend to get a hurt a lot, because I am not careful with people who have hurt me before. I tend to let it go and just come back for more...
Okay, lots of jumbled thoughts... if you have any thoughts on what I said, if it makes any sense, let me know.
Love you all!!
Ash
ps- I must clarify.. please do not take this as I feel that I am perfect, and others aren't. I just have a bunch of thoughts in my head, and sometimes it is good to get them down.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Back to School, Back to School, to prove to Dad I'm not a Fool....
Okay... if you have watched Billy Madison you know what I am talking about. But let me just be honest here, I don't even know if thats the way the song goes!! ha ha
So this week is going to be a CRAAAZZYYY week... I have got 5 tests, 2 papers due, and a 500-something page book to read. Needless to say, that unless I am totally procrastinating I will not be on this thing very much!!
Today is my Daddy's Birthday.... Happy Birthday Daddy!! You do not look a day over 20... he he :) Well... I just wanted to let ya'll know that I have a lot going on this week.. so if you think about it and have time, a prayer would be awesome!! I also had just a lousy end of the week, which I will not share the reasons on here, but if ya'll could also be praying for my heart to heal that would be awesome too!! God is good, and I am soo thankful for that!! :) I also have a job fair this week... ha ha.. just prayer in general would be good!
Well I am off to go study for Shakespeare... I better enjoy this while I can.. in two months its adios studying.. hello work world!
Love you guys!
Ash
So this week is going to be a CRAAAZZYYY week... I have got 5 tests, 2 papers due, and a 500-something page book to read. Needless to say, that unless I am totally procrastinating I will not be on this thing very much!!
Today is my Daddy's Birthday.... Happy Birthday Daddy!! You do not look a day over 20... he he :) Well... I just wanted to let ya'll know that I have a lot going on this week.. so if you think about it and have time, a prayer would be awesome!! I also had just a lousy end of the week, which I will not share the reasons on here, but if ya'll could also be praying for my heart to heal that would be awesome too!! God is good, and I am soo thankful for that!! :) I also have a job fair this week... ha ha.. just prayer in general would be good!
Well I am off to go study for Shakespeare... I better enjoy this while I can.. in two months its adios studying.. hello work world!
Love you guys!
Ash
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
It's a marshmallow world in the winter...
A few of my favorite things about Fall/Winter....
Some call them ugly. Some call them overated. Some even call them juvineiel. I call them FABULOUS!! You may not know what I am talking about, but you soon will!! One of my favorite things about the seaon changing is that you get to change to fall/winter attire!! Which means that I get to start wearing my UGGS!!!
Yes everyone, I am an avid Ugg boot wearer. Some may make fun of me, actually many do, but I am quite okay with it. If you could only put this furry goodness on your foot for one minute.. you would know why they are my favorite thing!! (And I will also have you know that they were one of Oprah's favorite thing!) I do not really wear them with skirts, although if you do, I would give you a high-five because they are JUST AMAZING BOOTS! They keep your feet at comfortable temperature!! I just LOOOOVEEE THEM!! It is okay if you judge me for this.. but I will ask of you one thing! Before you judge... just try some on at your local department store. AMMMAAZZINNNG! I know they are not a necessity in life, but man, oh, man... I think they are close to it! (just kidding... but i hope you get my deep, weird love for these shoes!)
Another thing that I start doing at the beginning of October is I start listening to Christmas Music!! That is right people... I said Christmas Music!! It just makes me happy!! You can see me happily singin' down the road in Skittle (my lime green bug.... some would call it the color of a Christmas Tree..haha) to Mr. Bing Crosby, Mariah, and other favorites!! Oh, how I love the Christmas Season!! (and well pre-Christmas Season)
I also LOVE, LOVE, LOVE New York at Christmas Time!! In answer to your next question, no, I have never been there, but I think one day I will get to go... and I watch the Today Show, and all the parades!! :) And lots of my friends have gone.. so I have seen the pictures!!
Well that is all I got... I was just thinking about how WONDERFUL it was to have cool weather this morning and tonight!! Thank you sweet Jesus, I am ready for Ugg Weather!!
Love you guys!!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Isaiah 50:10
Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has not light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
Isaiah 50:10
There are many things that have happened in the last 9 months that have been completely out of my comfort zone. They have taken me into a place that I never, ever thought I would be in. These events have drawn me closer to the Lord than I have ever been. Not only have the events been hard, and sometimes seemingly unbearable, they have also been the most amazing months. God has completely broken down walls that have needed to be broken down for a very long time. Just when I think I am to the point where I cannot handle anymore, he gives me enough grace to get through that time, and blesses it immensely.
I really can be a control-freak... I like to have plans, and I like the plans to work out. Too much of my life was getting caught up in what I had planned for myself by the age of 22, instead of seeking the Lord on EVERY part of my life. I had my hand clenched so tightly on the things that I had planned for myself, that I did not even consider that God's plan was better. It is very silly when I think about it now. God has now taken my plan... well, and it is just sooo different. I have changed a lot in these 9 months. I am a very different person in many areas of my life. (And this is only because of the Lord, it is not of me) The things I really desire have changed... I want what's best in order to glorify Him, not just to glorify myself. (Now don't get me wrong, I am still very sinful and can get caught up just as much as the next person... it is just interesting to see how far he has brought me.) For example: I am a very, very girly girl. I am not exactly the outdoorsy type, yet my likes and interests of changed. I have just started to LOVE being outside. It just gives me and peace and makes me happy to be outside. Now, if you are reading this and don't really know me, you might not find this weird.. but I was the little girl that when she got her hands dirty, I would hold them up to my mom and cry. I like to be clean, and look at pretty things, but not always partake in them if they make me dirty, or put me out of comfort zone. I think the Lord is calling me teach to inner-city kids. I think this will be a very hard job, but I feel like the Lord is preparing me for something in this field like CRAZY!
I also have this weird thing for Africa. I have bought books about what is going on over there, and the HIV epidemic. My heart is just so burdened for them. This is very out of my comfort zone. One would say I am a bit of a worry-wart. I am SCARED of planes! I have rode on them about 10 times...but I hate them. I have panic attacks when I have to get on them. But I feel like that is such a small, minuscule step that I am just going to have get over so that I can love on others for his Glory. I want to show others what His love looks like. People might think I am crazy, but I think there is someone out there with the same passion as I have. More than ever lately I have had this overwhelming feeling that I need to be praying for my future husband. (Which I know we all need to do, but I will be the first to admit I don't always remember to do this) Its funny to me how much I get "You know, its when you least expect he will come into your life." or "You are probably going to date a million boys before you actually find that right person." HA! I don't know how encouraging those particular statements are... I guess my point is is what is wrong with wanting someone who is has the same mindset as you to be here right now? I just think that a lot of women get soo much slack for wanting a husband, when that is what we were designed to do. Yes, I whoever is my future husband (Lord-willing I have one :)) will come at a moment when I least expect it, but saying that I am going to date a million guys before I get married!! I guess I just am perplexed at why it is such a taboo subject or thing to "want a husband". It is like it is looked down upon... I don't know. But I digress.... :)
Again, although this is such a sweet time with the Lord and I would not trade it for anything... this literally is the hardest time I have ever gone though. I am at a point where I am looking at all my junk, and having to make a desicion as to whether I am going to deal with it, or just let it be. This morning I woke up and was doing my Q.T. and this is a passage from it:
"What is a believer to do in times of darkness- a darkness of perplexities and confusion- a darkness not of the heart but of the mind? These times of darkness come to a faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God. They come as seasons when he does not know what to do or which way to turn. His sky becomes overcast with clouds, and the clear light of heaven does not shine on his path, so that he feels as if he were groping his way through complete darkness. Dear believer, does this describe you? What should you do in times of darkness? Listen go God's Word. Actually the first thing to do is nothing. This is a difficult thing for our lowly human nature to do. When you find yourself in a spiritual fog, do not run ahead, but slow the pace of your life. The right thing to do is simply to trust God, for while we trust, He can work. Worrying, however, prevents Him from doing anything for us. If the darkness covering us strikes terror in our hearts and we run back and forth, seeking in vain to find a way of escape from the dark trial where God's providence has placed us, then the Lord cannot work on our behalf. Only the peace of God will quiet our minds and put our hearts at rest. We must place our hand in His as a little child and allow Him to lead us into bright sunshine of His love. He knows the way out of the dense, dark forest, so may we climb into his arms, trusting Him to rescue us by showing us the shortest and most reliable road."
Streams in the Desert
Okay I know that was a long passage... ha...but it was too good not to put most of it down. I feel like that explains where I am right now... or at least how I feel. Its funny how the thing that we need to do seems so simple, TRUST and BELIEVE, yet it can be one of the hardest things for me to do. Okay... done with pouring out my heart... thanks for listening. :) Love you guys oh soo much...
Isaiah 50:10
There are many things that have happened in the last 9 months that have been completely out of my comfort zone. They have taken me into a place that I never, ever thought I would be in. These events have drawn me closer to the Lord than I have ever been. Not only have the events been hard, and sometimes seemingly unbearable, they have also been the most amazing months. God has completely broken down walls that have needed to be broken down for a very long time. Just when I think I am to the point where I cannot handle anymore, he gives me enough grace to get through that time, and blesses it immensely.
I really can be a control-freak... I like to have plans, and I like the plans to work out. Too much of my life was getting caught up in what I had planned for myself by the age of 22, instead of seeking the Lord on EVERY part of my life. I had my hand clenched so tightly on the things that I had planned for myself, that I did not even consider that God's plan was better. It is very silly when I think about it now. God has now taken my plan... well, and it is just sooo different. I have changed a lot in these 9 months. I am a very different person in many areas of my life. (And this is only because of the Lord, it is not of me) The things I really desire have changed... I want what's best in order to glorify Him, not just to glorify myself. (Now don't get me wrong, I am still very sinful and can get caught up just as much as the next person... it is just interesting to see how far he has brought me.) For example: I am a very, very girly girl. I am not exactly the outdoorsy type, yet my likes and interests of changed. I have just started to LOVE being outside. It just gives me and peace and makes me happy to be outside. Now, if you are reading this and don't really know me, you might not find this weird.. but I was the little girl that when she got her hands dirty, I would hold them up to my mom and cry. I like to be clean, and look at pretty things, but not always partake in them if they make me dirty, or put me out of comfort zone. I think the Lord is calling me teach to inner-city kids. I think this will be a very hard job, but I feel like the Lord is preparing me for something in this field like CRAZY!
I also have this weird thing for Africa. I have bought books about what is going on over there, and the HIV epidemic. My heart is just so burdened for them. This is very out of my comfort zone. One would say I am a bit of a worry-wart. I am SCARED of planes! I have rode on them about 10 times...but I hate them. I have panic attacks when I have to get on them. But I feel like that is such a small, minuscule step that I am just going to have get over so that I can love on others for his Glory. I want to show others what His love looks like. People might think I am crazy, but I think there is someone out there with the same passion as I have. More than ever lately I have had this overwhelming feeling that I need to be praying for my future husband. (Which I know we all need to do, but I will be the first to admit I don't always remember to do this) Its funny to me how much I get "You know, its when you least expect he will come into your life." or "You are probably going to date a million boys before you actually find that right person." HA! I don't know how encouraging those particular statements are... I guess my point is is what is wrong with wanting someone who is has the same mindset as you to be here right now? I just think that a lot of women get soo much slack for wanting a husband, when that is what we were designed to do. Yes, I whoever is my future husband (Lord-willing I have one :)) will come at a moment when I least expect it, but saying that I am going to date a million guys before I get married!! I guess I just am perplexed at why it is such a taboo subject or thing to "want a husband". It is like it is looked down upon... I don't know. But I digress.... :)
Again, although this is such a sweet time with the Lord and I would not trade it for anything... this literally is the hardest time I have ever gone though. I am at a point where I am looking at all my junk, and having to make a desicion as to whether I am going to deal with it, or just let it be. This morning I woke up and was doing my Q.T. and this is a passage from it:
"What is a believer to do in times of darkness- a darkness of perplexities and confusion- a darkness not of the heart but of the mind? These times of darkness come to a faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God. They come as seasons when he does not know what to do or which way to turn. His sky becomes overcast with clouds, and the clear light of heaven does not shine on his path, so that he feels as if he were groping his way through complete darkness. Dear believer, does this describe you? What should you do in times of darkness? Listen go God's Word. Actually the first thing to do is nothing. This is a difficult thing for our lowly human nature to do. When you find yourself in a spiritual fog, do not run ahead, but slow the pace of your life. The right thing to do is simply to trust God, for while we trust, He can work. Worrying, however, prevents Him from doing anything for us. If the darkness covering us strikes terror in our hearts and we run back and forth, seeking in vain to find a way of escape from the dark trial where God's providence has placed us, then the Lord cannot work on our behalf. Only the peace of God will quiet our minds and put our hearts at rest. We must place our hand in His as a little child and allow Him to lead us into bright sunshine of His love. He knows the way out of the dense, dark forest, so may we climb into his arms, trusting Him to rescue us by showing us the shortest and most reliable road."
Streams in the Desert
Okay I know that was a long passage... ha...but it was too good not to put most of it down. I feel like that explains where I am right now... or at least how I feel. Its funny how the thing that we need to do seems so simple, TRUST and BELIEVE, yet it can be one of the hardest things for me to do. Okay... done with pouring out my heart... thanks for listening. :) Love you guys oh soo much...
Friday, October 5, 2007
My Eight Random Facts
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
My eight random facts and/or habits:
1. I have to have the door closed when I go to sleep. It is an absolute must... it cannot be cracked or open at all, but must, and I mean must be shut. If it is not shut, I cannot sleep.
2. I sleep with a stuffed animal monkey from build-a-bear. His name is Hot New Guy. My Mimi bought me this stuffed animal the day before college because I had broken up with my last boyfriend, whom I had a stuff animal named after and I was quite upset about having to still sleep with that! It was an embarassing ordeal to say the least in build-a-bear, especially when this soon-t0-be college junior's Hot New Guy was ready at the counter.
disclaimer: my Mimi made me name it Hot New Guy, because she did not want to have to go out and buy a new stuffed animal after any more breakups. I am not allowed to name my stuffed animal until I get married! :)
3. I have a fear of throwing up. Not only do I hate it... I really feel that I will die if and when I throw-up. Although I have thrown up a handful of times in my life... I still have this fear.
4. I have to put the toilet paper on the toliet paper holder in the way in which the t.p. is coming off from the top, or I will switch it! It bothers me....
5. I like to sing... I used to want to be Mariah Carey, and still would like to sing for a living!! :) ha ha
6. I was homecoming queen, and voted best all around in High School :)
7. I have wanted to be a teacher all my life.... when I was younger I used to teach to my cabage patch and american girl dolls.
8. I drive a lime green volkswagen bug and it is my DREAM CAR!! :) (My parents surprised me with it the day before my prom!!)
I am tagging Elise, Blair, Angela, Melissa R., and Mom (because I want her to start a blog) and that is all I know to tag!! :)
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
My eight random facts and/or habits:
1. I have to have the door closed when I go to sleep. It is an absolute must... it cannot be cracked or open at all, but must, and I mean must be shut. If it is not shut, I cannot sleep.
2. I sleep with a stuffed animal monkey from build-a-bear. His name is Hot New Guy. My Mimi bought me this stuffed animal the day before college because I had broken up with my last boyfriend, whom I had a stuff animal named after and I was quite upset about having to still sleep with that! It was an embarassing ordeal to say the least in build-a-bear, especially when this soon-t0-be college junior's Hot New Guy was ready at the counter.
disclaimer: my Mimi made me name it Hot New Guy, because she did not want to have to go out and buy a new stuffed animal after any more breakups. I am not allowed to name my stuffed animal until I get married! :)
3. I have a fear of throwing up. Not only do I hate it... I really feel that I will die if and when I throw-up. Although I have thrown up a handful of times in my life... I still have this fear.
4. I have to put the toilet paper on the toliet paper holder in the way in which the t.p. is coming off from the top, or I will switch it! It bothers me....
5. I like to sing... I used to want to be Mariah Carey, and still would like to sing for a living!! :) ha ha
6. I was homecoming queen, and voted best all around in High School :)
7. I have wanted to be a teacher all my life.... when I was younger I used to teach to my cabage patch and american girl dolls.
8. I drive a lime green volkswagen bug and it is my DREAM CAR!! :) (My parents surprised me with it the day before my prom!!)
I am tagging Elise, Blair, Angela, Melissa R., and Mom (because I want her to start a blog) and that is all I know to tag!! :)
Sooo Sensitive...
The past month I have grown soo much. The Lord has brought me out of a place, that has been one of the hardest times in my life. (I know I am only 21, soon to be 22, so I am young, but still.) I used to have panic attacks multiple times in the day, and the Lord has really brought me through that as well. At times I get very anxious still, but it is NOTHING like it used to be. Now, when I start to get anxious, the river starts a runnin. I mean it is starting to get a little ridiculous. Today I went home... and after talking about how I was feeling about everything going on... we were completely done with the conversation, I just start crying. ha! I don't know if this is just an overflow of emotion, or just some built up sadness that needs to get out and be talked about.. but the Lord is making me deal with my junk. He is exposing a lot of different parts of myself to me that I never knew were issues, and making me deal with them. Not only am I learning to deal with them, but I am learning to do it just by relying on God, and God alone. It is a great, amazing, and at the same time can be a lonley place. Not so much a lonley place in that the Lord is always with me, but a lonely place in that I feel like I have been put in a bit of suclusion. I have not really done this on purpose, it just seems that the way my friends schedule works out versus mine, I have a lot of alone time! :) I like to hang out with people, but I think this is just one more way that the Lord is letting me see that I can find all the fufillment I need in him.
Last night I went to The Village Recovery, formerly Celebrate Recovery, and it was just amazing! (If you have never been, I recomend it, it is such an amazing community of believers!) I forgot how wonderful it is to just be there, and get to talk about what is going on in your life, and know you won't be judged! On top of that Worship was amazing! I am just sooo thankful for the Church that the Lord has brought me to, and the people who are in it! Thank you Sweet Jesus!!
Today, I went to visit my parents in the Woodlands/Spring area. (I get very confused as to whether it is Spring or the Woodlands because it is so close together) I surprised my momma up at the High School that she works at today!! It was fun to see her new office and such!! I then went home to see my family's new Pomeranian puppy, Koo Joe! He is a feisty little thing! Me and Parentals then went out to PF Changs!! Can we say Yummyyyyyy... the lettuce wraps were delectable!
Well that is all... I hadn't really had a serious post in awhile so I thought I would write one!! oh, and I have 67 more days (counting weekends) till graduation! Everyone please pray I find a job!! I am going to some job fairs in about a week or soo!! Teaching here I come!! (hopefully :))
Have a good night ya'll!!
Last night I went to The Village Recovery, formerly Celebrate Recovery, and it was just amazing! (If you have never been, I recomend it, it is such an amazing community of believers!) I forgot how wonderful it is to just be there, and get to talk about what is going on in your life, and know you won't be judged! On top of that Worship was amazing! I am just sooo thankful for the Church that the Lord has brought me to, and the people who are in it! Thank you Sweet Jesus!!
Today, I went to visit my parents in the Woodlands/Spring area. (I get very confused as to whether it is Spring or the Woodlands because it is so close together) I surprised my momma up at the High School that she works at today!! It was fun to see her new office and such!! I then went home to see my family's new Pomeranian puppy, Koo Joe! He is a feisty little thing! Me and Parentals then went out to PF Changs!! Can we say Yummyyyyyy... the lettuce wraps were delectable!
Well that is all... I hadn't really had a serious post in awhile so I thought I would write one!! oh, and I have 67 more days (counting weekends) till graduation! Everyone please pray I find a job!! I am going to some job fairs in about a week or soo!! Teaching here I come!! (hopefully :))
Have a good night ya'll!!
Monday, October 1, 2007
I did it...
I did it... I cut off all my hair!! One of my best friends from High School, Courtney, cut my hair!! She did an amazing job... well she just is amazing in general!! We had a great time just catchin up!! If you need a haircut you should call her! REally... she loves what she does, and she is really good at it!!
Here are some other pics from this weekend!
Me and some of the girls went to a Great pizza place in Flower Mound after church on Sunday!! It was yummmmmyyyy!!
One more thing! Today is October 1st! Octbober 1st is the time that I start listening to Christmas Music!! I think it is important to have at least 2 full months of Wonderful Christmas Time Joy!! Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way....
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