Sweet Surrender

Therefore, behold, I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vinyards and make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me 'My Husband', and no longer will you call me 'My Baal".
Hosea 2:14-16

For your husband is your maker, whose name is the Lord of Hosts, and your redeemer is the Holy one of Isreal, who is called the God of all earth. Isaiah 54:5

Both of these verses were given to me by friends that I admire. One is my dear friend Lesile, who has come to be one of those friendships that I truely cherish, and believe is straight from the Lord. The 2nd verse was given to me by my homegroup leader, Stephanie, who I am so excited that the Lord has put into my life! Right now I am going through one of the SWEETEST, yet HARDEST times I have gone through in my life. Although that sounds like it could possibly be a contradiction, the truth is is that is what the Lord does. Although at times I want to cry out and say 'Take me out of this place Lord!' (place being stage of life), I would not trade this hard time for anything in the world. Although it is hard, and I feel so lonley at times, I have come to the spot in life where the ONLY thing that brings me TRUE satisfaction is my SWEET JESUS! I mean honestly, I really realized this the past few days.... for some reason, the mornings are really hard for me, but as soon as I am able to get into the Word, my day turns around. It really is amazing... you notice things start changing, and I know that this is the Lord working on me. This morning I got to wake up and was just HAPPY!! Last night, my sweet friends Leslie and Abe took me out to dinner, and it was just a sweet time of fellowship. Then I got to stay the night with Miss. Les! Oh, how I love this girl! She loves the Lord so much, and just waking up in her apartment was amazing... it is such a Haven! (A little background... I used to live with Lesile, and she is just one of the most uplifting, encouraging people I have ever met, and I have missed living with her!)
Yesterday we were a sight to see... I met her at lunch at Starbucks, and I was crying.. she had a tension headache, so she was rubbing her forhead, then after I stopped crying, I rubbed her shoulders at Starbucks! ha! We looked like Goobers! But what I sweet thing to have a friend that I can let all my worries out to and not be worried about being judged!
This morning.. when driving to school, Les and I started talking about how I constantly apologize for everything. Now if you know me well at all, especially if you have hung out with me more than once, you know that I apologize for everything. I have even apologized for the day being rainy! ha! Which is ridiculous when I think about it. But last night, even though I was in the company of amazing friends, and feel completely comfortable, I kept apologizing and being afraid my presence was a bother. Me and Les discussed this, and I have decided that I would like to search why I do this, and really pray against this constant worry that I am annoying everyone! I have done this since highschool, so it make take a while to reverse.. but I will try! :)
Well, I need to finish getting ready for the day! I love you all... thank you for reading my thoughts!

Ashie