Sadness and change. Two things that I am not particularly fond of. But, inevitably, something that we all must go through. I think those two things may sum up a lot of what I have been going through. Change- this time in my life has not been the easiest. (FOR SURE maybe the hardest) But it has also been the sweetest time. Literally, this is the FIRST time in my life that I have literally had to be founded in HIS word and that is the only way that I feel better. If I do not constantly stay in the Word all day, I am lost. I feel like no one wants me, and that I am never going to come out of this season of life. But, then, the Lord comforts me, and lets me see his graciousness! Oh, how sweet and tender our Lord is! He loves us so much, and forgives over and over again. My heart has been in such an overflow mode lately. There are many people that do not understand, and will probably not understand what I am going through fully. Broken relationships are so hard. First of all there is such a range of emotions that come with break-ups, or even other relationships that go through hard times.
I think about a lot of different things that I could possibly be going through.. and being sad over, and feel guilty. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure, yet I still mourn what is going on in my life right now. Which, I know to a certain degree, is normal and has to happen so that I may heal. But it is important that I do not get caught up in my sorrow, but instead find the healing that I need in the LORD and the LORD alone. This is just a weird stage in life. And don't you just love it when people are like, you are so young, you don't even know what is ahead of you.. or you are so young, you need to just chill out. Just because I am young, does not mean that I do not hurt, OR that I am taking it to some other "drama" degree because I am young. I feel as though people downplay the hurt because you are young, or think that I am just being dramatic. If anything, I am trying to do those things.
Sadness- It can hit at any point of the day. and i mean at ANY point of the day. The Lord has brought me to many realizations through my sadness however. He has been so gracious, and sweet to me in these times. Although I am going through such a hard time, I do not believe I would trade it for anything. But with this, such a range of emotions have come out. I do not think I am ever cried this much in my life. And not just little crying sprees (if you will) but I mean the kind of crying that makes your whole body tired. But the crying has not just been for me. I have this sensitivity thing. I am a sensitive person, but the kind of sensitivity I am talking about is being sensitive towards what others are feeling. I have cried out for several people lately, and they have been women. This world that we are in has made women think that they need to be something other than what they are. What I mean, is that women think that they constantly need to be doing something to "better" themselves. This covers an array of things: really anything that they think will cover up their imperfections. The world has also taught us to be the one that "chases" after the male, instead of him pursuing us. And there are many of us, that start doing this because we are lonely. I have been guilty of many things like this before, especially the whole trying to make myself feel better with buying clothes and such. But why do we do this? I think it is because we do not find our fulfillment in the Lord, and we go towards other things that will "make us feel better". When, in all actuality, they give us an even bigger complex than we already had. It is so easy to say, "Find your fulfillment in Christ!", it is a lot harder to actually dig in and do it though. But when you start the process, it is so sweet!! I am on a mission to do this... and the Lord is workin on me!
In him, WE FIND our REST.. in him, WE FIND OUR ALL!
The Lord is doing something in my life... I always say it would be great if he could beam down and give me the gameplan, but being as that is probably not going to happen... I must be patient! And find my all him!
I love you guys!!
Ash
2 comments:
Thank you for your encouraging comment on my blog. It sounds like the Lord is taking you through a season that isn't necessarily fun, but one that is sanctifying. Remember what it says in Hosea about Him luring us to the woods so that He can call us out. He is a jealous God! He will allow certain things in our life so that He has our complete attention. Press on!
I just want to say how much I love you and am praying for you. Thank you for that amazing post. It's so true that we always seem to try and find things to make us feel better. It's extremely hard to not just do something that doesn't include us actually wrestling through what we are struggling with. For me, i use movies and tv to drown out hardships, aka as a way of not having to think...but although it's difficult, it's so much sweeter to press further into the Lord...so difficult though, especially with all of the distractions around us.
love you :)
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