I surrender all

I have many thoughts going through my head, many of which are really worries. I am very worried about graduating, and what is going to happen after I graduate. In talking with about 3 other people that are also graduating in a week with me, I have realized that I am not the only one having anxieties about the upcoming graduation date, and what is to come after it. I guess I just thought as soon as I got out of school I would have people wanting to employ me. ha ha, I think most of us thought we would at least have 1 job lined up for after we graduate, yet now, we are afraid that we are going to have to go live back home forever and work at the mall. (not that there is anything wrong with working at the mall, but not exactly what I am shooting for for myself personally.) Yesterday I asked to be humbled, and let me tell you I was. I will leave out the details of how I was exactly humbled yesterday, but I find myself laughing and being grateful for the humor that the Lord has. I am so thankful that He loves me enough to humble me and show me that his grace and mercy is enough.
Last night, not even joking, I was so stressed out my jaw locked up. I literally could not open my mouth all the way. When I get stressed out my body seems to get very mad at me and do very weird, and things that are just annoying to deal with. Today I was reminded of the verse that says who of you adds one hour to their life by worrying? Sweet friends, I have lost a lot of hours to worrying and fretting, and not trusting the Lord with the Big stuff, and also the little details of life. I keep having dreams that something happens, and that I will not graduate. Me and my friends were talking about how everything is riding on us graduating... there are family members coming in, parties that are being given, along with food that has been bought for this one occasion. We are all so ready to be out of school, or so we think, and then we find ourselves really questioning if we are really, truly ready to get out into the real world, out of our little DBU bubble. I want so badly so many things, but I do not know if the Lord has those planned for my life. I keep going back and forth between teaching high school and just wanting to work with youth, or young women in a church. I have been feeling like the only way I can do things is through Christ, which really should just be a basic principle by now, but has taken me about 14 years to grasp. But what I mean by this is that my knowledge fails so much of the time. I get scared.. scared if I can teach someone, and impart knowledge to them. But when I am studying The Word, I feel so at home. Like it is what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Maybe this is how everyone feels, and it is not a call to ministry, but then again, maybe it isn't? I have been praying through this for awhile now, but I really feel like the Lord is about to do a lot in me in the next couple of months. I am scared, and at the same time I feel like the Lord has been preparing me this for awhile. Who knows... maybe I am way off. But either way, the Lord is good, and he knows what HE is doing, and I cannot add one hour to my life by worrying. I also was reading the verse out of Jeremiah 10:23, that just pretty much says that man does not direct his own steps, but the Lord does. Thank Jesus for that!! :)
Well, this has been a nice little break from writing my discourse analysis for linguistics, but I must go back to the daily grind!! he he :) Love you guys, thanks for always listening.
Ashie