This may sound very silly, but when I was little I always wanted to be a professional singer/songwriter, or be a teacher. Of coarse, the teacher thing I am now, hopefully, going to make happen... but I doubt the other dream will ever come true. Sounds quite silly really.. man did I drive my brother crazy when I was younger. I would sing, and sing, and sing... and then my mom and dad bought me a microphone.. so I sang even more. I bet my brother heard the ace of base song, "I saw the sign" a million or so times. But on days like today I wonder.. do you give up on that dream you still have so much passion for and realize that it is never going to happen... or do actually practice and do something about it. Now don't worry, I have not gone off the deep end. I do not think that a label is about to pick me up and let me sing for them. I can sing so out of tune... and harmonizing.. dont get me started. It would take a lot of practice. But I would be content to sing backup somewhere. You know when your heart just really has a longing to do something.. that is one of my hearts longing. But I would only want to sing in the christian realm. Songs about the Lord.. because that is what my drive is about. I read this really interesting piece in a John Piper book of Bricey's. He wrote about worship.. and how it is totally about the Lord, and us wanting to make sure our voices sound great.. is tuning him out... and making ourselves more glorified. Don't get me wrong... not many people can concentrate when a person is up there singing completly off tune with no concept of how they sound.. the important thing is to let the Lord move, and we can't do that when we are trying to be the centerpiece.. or the focal point. I do not know... I think the Lord really got me thinking about that... I think that is one of the reasons I have not been able to sing on a praise band type thing.. and that I need practice. But I must admidt even though I have heard this a couple of times before... it never really clicked until I read that.
The Lord is doing so much in me right now.. I can really feel his presence.. which is awesome, but for some reason a bit scary too. Why scary? I do not really know... probably because I need to get to know Him better, and the fear of the unknown pops quite frequently into my head. I know the Lord is going to put me somewhere to serve him... I just do not know where. But, he will provide a perfect, perfect place for me to be! The Lord is good.. and it is so wonderful to reflect on his majesty and grace.
I have so much school this week it is insane... and a little bit unnerving. I really do not even know where to start. I have two tests, a paper to write, community service work and letter form thing to fill out, graduation application, sign up for the teacher certification test, and my bookfile of 75 minimum childrens books, an author powerpoint, biblotherapy outline, activity outline, and a childrens book to write. :) Can you tell I am jumping with joy!! ha ha.. I will get though it.. just pray for God to place a renewal of thoughts and peace and just that I will trust in him and NOT BE STRESSED!
The wedding planning this week is going to have to go on the backburner.. even though we really need to get the save the dates out. But in all reality, another week will not hurt us.
One more thing... I have decided I want to re-learn how to play the piano. I really do.. I have been thinking about this for months now.. now when I will have time.. who knows? but it is a future endevor of mine.
Love you guys.. gotta go read now!
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