This semester is my favorite semester with my kids. By this time I have gotten to know each and every one of them pretty well, and so now comes the deeper part of the relationship. I have learned how they react when they are upset or happy or, well many different emotions, and they have finally started feeling comfortable enough to share things with me and to let their guard down. This time of the year is always very bittersweet for me because these babies who I have grown to know and love are telling me deep and important things about their lives and soon they will be out of my class. I remember telling my grandmother last year how much of a bittersweet time this was. I am finally getting to know them, and soon they will be out of my class. We are doing these writings in class right now. They get to do a memoir-like project where they get to talk about their lives. We also are reading a book that has much today with societal norms amongst the poor. It is interesting to watch them read this and then think about their own lives. Not every single one of them is below or on the poverty line, but many are. Many don't really see their parents or really even know who their parents are. They have a love/hate relationship with school. They hate it because they have to do work, they love it because they get to see Teachers and Administrators and Friends that love them. Today was one of those bittersweet days. There was a lot of good that happened and some frustrating things that happened as well. I love them so much, even when they come in and are completely checked out. There is usually always a reason for them being checked out. As a teacher, it is sometimes hard for me to always recognize that. I get frustrated with the kid standing not even 2 inches from my face and wanting to hug me and talk to me about her day (when it has just started...) or the kids that are constantly yelling "Miss. Kep, Miss. Kep, Miss.Kep..." when I am trying to do something else. I get so frustrated in that moment.."Don't they see I am doing something.." I think selfishly, rather then embracing them and trying to live in the moment.
On days like this I get frustrated. Especially when I think over my day and think of what all I was doing and think whether I could have been more loving or more intentional with my sweet kiddos. As I have taken on more responsibilities at work, it is bound to be like this most of the time. My attention will unfortunately be divided. But, more times than not I hope that I am conscious of being intentional with the kiddos. With my English babies when I am supposed to be with my English babies, and with my Cheerleading girls, when I am supposed to be with my Cheerleading girls. There is so much to be distracted by, but there is also so much to do if I am concentrated on the task at hand...whomever I am supposed to be with at that moment.
I think as life gets busier, we all tend to face this. We get bombarded and busy and don't pay attention or catch things that may be super important to others, or even to ourselves. We get bogged down with what we feel we must do at that moment, rather than living in that moment. This is just something I am thinking on. My life as a single person is bound to get much busier eventually. I watch my friends at school with kids and how they have to juggle those things and be present when they are with their kids at home, and then leave that and then try to be fully present when they are with our babies at school. It is just a hard thing, I think, when you get busy and you feel overwhelmed or you have so many things on your plate and you want to be great at all of them. When this happens to me I tend to try to do everything at once, instead of stopping and taking one thing at a time. This is something I need to work on and saw ever so clearly today, and recently.
Tryouts for Cheerleading are this week. I will be very ready for that to be over...but until then I I will try to be patient and present with whomever I am with or speaking with and try not to focus on what I am stressed out about. This second-year teacher is learning...maybe by the time I am in my 20-something year of this I will have learned how to do it well.
Love you guys and hope you are at home and listening to the wonderful rain!
Until Later,
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