So exhausted.

I do not have one main topic tonight, I just feel like writing.  Sometimes it is comforting to know I can just type on here and act as if I am having a conversation even though I know that no one may even read this.  That probably seems very silly, but there it is.  Tonight was a good night.  I spent time with some of my best friends.  These girls have seen me through so much in the past few years, and it is just crazy how time flies by.  I feel like it wasn't even that long ago when we were celebrating Lise's birthday, and yet here we are again.  It was fun tonight, we got to go eat with Lise's parents, her brother (Jimmy..whom I call Timmy Jhoma) and it was just good.  After, me, Jim, Lise and Rob all went back to Jim's house and just sat at the kitchen table at talked.  It just felt like a little family.  I have missed this.  Where they have been around all year, this year has just been so different.  Where it has been so amazing and I would not trade it for the world, the sense of having that community of friends constantly around me has changed a bit.  Not in the sense that I do not have it, but just in the fact that life has happened.  We all live in different places, we all have different jobs, mine being a pretty time-consuming job, and I don't know...it was just good to be back at the house talking about what all has transpired in the past year and where everyone is at, and what we struggle with, etc.  Towards the end of the night Jim left for awhile and we Elise, Rob and I just laid on the bed and talked.  I am so thankful for friends who listen and just for people I can do life with.  

On the way home tonight I just started thinking more about how things are changing and how fast life seems to happen. I know that everyone goes through stages in life...or so I have heard being as I have not reached all of them, but the stage I am in right now is just different.  Everyone is getting married and having babies, which is SO wonderful, and I am enjoying watching them in this time and learning from them, but my life is just different from there's right now.  Where there is NOTHING wrong with that, and I know that in my heart, I think I am constantly thinking about what I must be doing wrong in the sense of I do not have the same things as them.  I wonder how long this season will be.  I long for companionship, but then again I think how blessed I am for being in this season by myself because I am in a position where I can pour into my kids constantly.  Then, I began to feel guilty for feeling sad or down about where my life is at.  Sometimes I wonder how long this season is going to last though...

Regardless, I am tired.  I am actually exhausted, and I don't mean this is a negative sense, I just mean to tell you this because I need some restoration time.  I am looking forward to church tomorrow, and I am also looking forward to not having a determined time to wake up but rather waking up at my leisure, and then I excited about just spending time with Jesus before I go to church.  I have missed him..which is my own fault.  With everything going on lately, I feel like I have not had time to really delve into the word (which I know is my own fault).  I long for time with Him and to hear from Him and just be comforted by Him.  I wish my kids could see Him like I do.  They have so many issues going on that they have told me about, even in the last week, and I don't know what to do with half the information.  I know the Lord has put me here, but I wonder if I am equip at times to talk to them about everything they are sharing with me.  They know I am a Christian, so here lately they have started asking questions, but the questions are had due to the fact of SUCH awful things have happened to these kids and they want to know how a "great God could allow such things to happen".  There is much theology I could go in with this...but, I do not think going into all that is exactly what they would like to hear.  I long for something relatable to share with them.  As much as I know the Lord has allowed my classroom to be a safe haven for my kiddos, I hope that he is helping me with all the right words to say to them at this time.  I just love them so much.  

Well, I am sleepy.  I have tons of pictures tonight that I shall post later.  Thank you for listening, love you guys very much!