My Social Life..

In pictures...and a VIDEO!!  YAY!















My kids said I looked like a kid here..so we took a picture!

Paint night!  WOO.  

Run-thru's for football '09.

They think I am wierd..but they love me :)

Senior Cheerleader (she is graduating...) and my teacher aid!  LOVE HER!

Funny Faces :)

I.love.them.  One of my English classes.

Another english class.  They ask me who their favorites are and I tell them "I love you all equally."

Cool poses.  

THE FRIDAY SONG...GET PUMPED!

This video is of the Friday Song that I make my kids sing every friday!! Hopefully it will work after I post this!! YAY!!

Next post shall be Elise's birthday pictures post.  My computer is being slow now though, so I will post those later!! 

Until then,

LOVE YOUUU!

My kids hearts..

"Sometimes my father doesn't even look at me. It makes me feel like I let them down.  I feel like they've pictured a different son..."

"My stepmom who was sticking up for me got shoved into the wall.  Then choked.  I tried to stop him, I tried.  I hit him again and again begging him to stop!  My older sister who is always so strong was crying and yellling, "Daddy, stop!"  It still hurts me to think about that night.  After that night I vowed to never ever let someone mistreat me."

"I remember she was really mad at my mom, accusing her of being the worst mother.  it has been around one weeks since we put my step grandfather in jail for tying to rape me so of course she got mad and threatened my of taking me away from her because my mom was the bad one in her eyes...I have been living in fear for 5 years.."

"being gay is not a choice...it is just part of you."

"no one hears the tears that pour down my face, no one feels the pain you put me through"

These are some direct quotes from kids memoir's projects.  I have not put some of the worse ones on here (and by worse, I just mean heart-wrenching).  however, i did want to put a glimpse.  sometimes i feel super ill-equip.  Who am I to pour into these kids lives?  half of my kids when reading their memoirs started bawling.  Now, where it is awesome that they feel they are safe within the confines of my classroom, i just want to scoop 'em up and tell them it is alright.  But is it alright?  some of them have posed questions to me at the end of their memoirs, asking me questions about the Lord.  If there is a God how could he let this, this and this happen.  That is when it gets hard.  How do I convey to them what I know so fiercely in my heart?  I have never been good at this part..I am good at loving on people, conveying the word has not always been my strong suite.  All I know to do is to love on them and convey any truth that I know, and study and ask questions and know the Lord will give me the words He wants me to have.  This is just rips my heart out.  I know the Lord is good though, regardless of our situations.  I feel a little hypocritical saying this since I have never had such things in my life.  I have had a family who has been nothing but loving to me, I have had people constantly around me loving on me and encouraging me and have never had the odds against me like some of these kids have.

i put these on here to ask you to pray for these kids.  pray that the lord is with their hearts and is working on their hearts.  pray for me as i am with them for the last few weeks of the school year.  pray for my patience and strength as i encourage them and read these projects.  (may sound silly, but some of these are had to get through).  Love you guys much..promise to have a more "sunshiny" post in the next few times.

Love you,

Ashie

So exhausted.

I do not have one main topic tonight, I just feel like writing.  Sometimes it is comforting to know I can just type on here and act as if I am having a conversation even though I know that no one may even read this.  That probably seems very silly, but there it is.  Tonight was a good night.  I spent time with some of my best friends.  These girls have seen me through so much in the past few years, and it is just crazy how time flies by.  I feel like it wasn't even that long ago when we were celebrating Lise's birthday, and yet here we are again.  It was fun tonight, we got to go eat with Lise's parents, her brother (Jimmy..whom I call Timmy Jhoma) and it was just good.  After, me, Jim, Lise and Rob all went back to Jim's house and just sat at the kitchen table at talked.  It just felt like a little family.  I have missed this.  Where they have been around all year, this year has just been so different.  Where it has been so amazing and I would not trade it for the world, the sense of having that community of friends constantly around me has changed a bit.  Not in the sense that I do not have it, but just in the fact that life has happened.  We all live in different places, we all have different jobs, mine being a pretty time-consuming job, and I don't know...it was just good to be back at the house talking about what all has transpired in the past year and where everyone is at, and what we struggle with, etc.  Towards the end of the night Jim left for awhile and we Elise, Rob and I just laid on the bed and talked.  I am so thankful for friends who listen and just for people I can do life with.  

On the way home tonight I just started thinking more about how things are changing and how fast life seems to happen. I know that everyone goes through stages in life...or so I have heard being as I have not reached all of them, but the stage I am in right now is just different.  Everyone is getting married and having babies, which is SO wonderful, and I am enjoying watching them in this time and learning from them, but my life is just different from there's right now.  Where there is NOTHING wrong with that, and I know that in my heart, I think I am constantly thinking about what I must be doing wrong in the sense of I do not have the same things as them.  I wonder how long this season will be.  I long for companionship, but then again I think how blessed I am for being in this season by myself because I am in a position where I can pour into my kids constantly.  Then, I began to feel guilty for feeling sad or down about where my life is at.  Sometimes I wonder how long this season is going to last though...

Regardless, I am tired.  I am actually exhausted, and I don't mean this is a negative sense, I just mean to tell you this because I need some restoration time.  I am looking forward to church tomorrow, and I am also looking forward to not having a determined time to wake up but rather waking up at my leisure, and then I excited about just spending time with Jesus before I go to church.  I have missed him..which is my own fault.  With everything going on lately, I feel like I have not had time to really delve into the word (which I know is my own fault).  I long for time with Him and to hear from Him and just be comforted by Him.  I wish my kids could see Him like I do.  They have so many issues going on that they have told me about, even in the last week, and I don't know what to do with half the information.  I know the Lord has put me here, but I wonder if I am equip at times to talk to them about everything they are sharing with me.  They know I am a Christian, so here lately they have started asking questions, but the questions are had due to the fact of SUCH awful things have happened to these kids and they want to know how a "great God could allow such things to happen".  There is much theology I could go in with this...but, I do not think going into all that is exactly what they would like to hear.  I long for something relatable to share with them.  As much as I know the Lord has allowed my classroom to be a safe haven for my kiddos, I hope that he is helping me with all the right words to say to them at this time.  I just love them so much.  

Well, I am sleepy.  I have tons of pictures tonight that I shall post later.  Thank you for listening, love you guys very much!

Hard day equals exhaustion.

Disclaimer- I evidently do not know how to post pictures under captions!  Sorry!









there are so many things that I could probably blog about, but alas, i shall only share a few thoughts because I feel as though I am a bit of a broken record.  

Numero uno- I really think that teachers have a summer break because it is SO needed.  by this point in the year you are a bit exhausted and even though I love my kids very much, I think a reprieve from them will probably be good.  I have been so emotional lately with them.  Well when it comes to them anyways, even though today I did actually get a bit emotional.  I have my kids writing memoirs, or vignettes, and each kid is getting to use their own style of writing and tell me about almost anything that they would like.  So, although they are not due yet, the kids have been bringing up their writings for me to look over and see if they are okay.  Today one of my kids brought up a piece about her dad and him leaving.  I tried to hold it together while I was reading it, but all of sudden tears just started falling.  Then I looked up at her, and I told her I loved her and I was proud of her and I was sorry, and she started crying.  I just had to hug her.  These kids, man, they have some stories that just break my heart.  Although I LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do, and would never trade it, I think the break coming up will be a good time for me to just recoop mind-wise, ya know?  Maybe that is selfish, but, alas, there it is.  Please be praying for me if you think about it in the next couple of days, because I have a feeling in reading these memoirs they are going to tug at the heart a bit.

Numero Dos- ummmm, everyone is getting married.  I mean seriously, all of my friends, pretty much, are engaged or close to or ya know, married and are having kids.  :)  I am so happy for them, but it leaves a single girl wondering...what is life like after all your friends get married and you are still the single girl?  I know, silly question probably, you are probably thinking, oh ash, just be patient.  And let's face it, I have always had a bit of a problem with the whole "patience" thing (as I typed those quotation marks I just got a mental picture of joey putting quotation marks around everything in one of the friends episodes..haha..okay, i digress) so that is warranted.  However, as much I want to be married someday, I do not know if that is really what I am longing for right now.  I mean...maybe it is, but I think I just miss companionship.  With the job I have and everything, sometimes I think it would be good to come home and know that I have someone to talk to.  I mean... I have penelope..haha, but she does not really talk back, so.  ;) All that to say, this is just another very different stage I am entering yet again.  I never thought I would be the one that was still single...or maybe I was just hoping that would not be me.  hehe.  Nevertheless, I do think that being single has done nothing but grow me.  And trust me, I still have room to grow, and I am only 23, so no rushing.  

Numero tres- IT is my BFF's birthday week this week, SOOOO in Honor of her, I will post some AMAZING pictures of the two of us...and the sandwich.  I love her SOO very much and I am so blessed she is in my life!! 

Numero quatro- Skittle got in a wreck :(  I will let the pictures do the talking...it was raining really bad the other day, you know, during the monsoon, and thus lights were out in an intersection and me and another car ran into each other.  Poor Skittle. :(

That is all.  Love you all.  Thanks for listening!  

Optimism-- Is it contagious

and faith.. it is crucial.

I have been making my students do some writing assignments that are strictly about their lives.  They can write anything they want, in any way that they want.  They can tell me about who they are- through writing they can show me WHO they are...and this has been a very humbling and amazing experience.  I have been looking forward to this all year- teaching this unit, learning who my kids are, more about where they come from.  I love them so much.  I wish they could see how amazing they are and what they have achieved from coming from what they have come from.  I have something special in my classroom.  I do not really know what it is, other than the fact that my kids have started to trust me with who they are, and they feel like (hopefully) they can be themselves when they walk through the door.  Most of them come from very hard things.  The things that they have had to overcome baffles me to this day..and some of them are still trying to overcome these things to this day.  They have no clue how wonderful they are, or how much they can impact our society just by being the best possible version of themselves.  Many of them have been told that they cannot achieve anything...they are not smart enough, they shouldn't have been born...I have one kid who told me his mom told him that "she wished he was never born and that she should have had an abortion".  Thinking about these things, listening to my kids as they tell me some of the intimate details of their lives makes me think about how great my kids are.  I do not know if I was told that if I could keep going on and be okay.  But this kid that told me that, he is going to rise above the situation.  He wants to be different, he is a sophomore and already talking about college.  These kids are our future, and they just need a little hand to help 'em get up sometimes. 

I showed some of the video Freedom Writers in my classroom.  This is one of my favorite movies because I see so much of my kids in the kids that are represented in this movie.  My kids thought I was CRAZY when I first came in, and quite frankly I would not be suprirsed if some of them did not like me.  But, through talking and just really wanting to get to know my kids, I have been able to break this barrier with them.  I really think it is the Lord through me, because there are many times I get frustrated with them and such, but my goodness how wonderful our classes have become.  We are a family.  That probably sounds silly, but really, we are a family.  People who did not used to get along, are now pretty good friends.  When they see each other in the hall, they say hi, they even refer to each other as brother and sister.  (Which half the time is probably making fun of me because I have talked about how we are a family, and they are brother and sister..)  But regardless...my kids have learned to look at each other through a different set of eyes.  To look at each other without judgement.  Now, it would be niave to think that there will still not be judgements, prejudices, or stereotypes that are given to others, but what I hope is that they have learned how to look at people for who they are instead of what they look like.  I know this may not seem like something that is important to learn in English, but things come so much easier in a learning enviroment when there is a trust and respect that has been established.

All this to say, I hope my second year will be as rewarding as my first.  I am going to miss my kiddos when they graduate to jrs...some of them seniors ;)  Erin Greuwell's character in "Freedom Writers" says it so poigntly, "When I am helping these kids make sense of their lives, it makes my life makes sense.  How often does a person get that?" 

 

I love what I do.  I love who my kids are.  I love that the Lord has put me in a place where I am getting to do something that I have always wanted to do, and I am getting to teach the kids who NEED to be loved on daily.  One thing I have learned from the past two years is that no matter what, the Lord will always line things up.  You may not always be in your ideal position, but He lines you up with His will and what He wants for your life.  And in the end, you just have to trust that He knows far better than you do.  This is proving true in my life, and thank Jesus I am finally getting to a place where I can see that.

I would have included a picture of my kiddos in this, but when my computer got stolen, so did many of my pictures, so there will be pictures of them to come :)  I need to take some more!  I will post a blog with an update in pictures soon as well!! Love you guys...thanks for always indulging my more serious side ;)  And the goofy side always!  LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!