Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just gotta rollllll with it..... or so i have heard. my curve ball has actually been a result of choices and decisions I have made, so I do not really know if that is considered a curve ball. what do you think?
The Lord's graciousness has really overwhelmed me the past few days. you think since he is such a great God, it would overwhelm me constantly, huh?! unfortunately i am constantly looking at myself, and what all is going on with me, instead of looking to him and serving him and serving others. its a ridiculous cycle. but, i am thankful that the lord has started showing me soo much and is allowing me to see my sinful self, and allowing me to see his grace and mercy in it. soooo thankful for that. the past few days i have just wanted to grab a cup of coffee with someone and just talk about my Jesus. talk about what he is doing, what he has done, hear what he is doing in the other person's life. i really think this is something that stirs my affections for him. you know as crazy as it would sound to talk about this man to someone who may know nothing about Him, know nothing about his grace, who may think i am just some crazy religious texas person (you know the ppl that i am talking about)... I just long to converse about the Lord. how good he is, how gracious...ect. i don't know, i just am having this overflowing of my heart and just want to talk about Him ya know.
I am realizing a lot about myself. I am involved in this step-study, which is part of the recovery process at my church. it has been amazing, and so, so eye-opening. i have gotten to see my sin issues, and just start to deal with them. it has not always been fun, but it has been good. ya know what i mean? (for the one person that reads this...hehe, ya know?!?) Sometimes when I am in the mood, its just best for me to blog it out. Plus, if you get tired of listening, you can just stop reading ya know ;) I think blogging is therapeutic...but I digress.... things the Lord is showing me, teaching me, or I am just realizing as a result of many things...
1. I am extremely selfish. WAY TOO selfish. I care what I want, and I have been in my own little world that has wanted what ashley wants right now, and if I dont get it I pout. It is time for this to change. I don't know how that is going to look, but the Lord is showing me that it needs to change.
2. I worry too much. Really, we shouldn't worry at all. But I do. This is also something that I am trying to give over to the Lord, but it is still a process.
3. I am a hopeless romantic and I can't help it. The past few months I have tried to stay away from the sappy love movies... shoot, I haven't watched the notebook in A LONG time... but nevertheless, I am a hopeless romantic. I love everything about love. I want to be cute with the man of my dreams. But that is just it... the man of my dreams, not just some guy that I settle for. I am trying to work this out in my head as well. What is the happy medium between loving romance, wanting it, yet not making it an idol in your life? Something I am working through. Plus... lets just face it, im the girl that says awwwwwww to everything. haha, but seriously. i really think that i had placed marriage in my life as an idol, so sorting through this whole "i love romance, i can't wait thing..." vs. really, am i kidding, can i wait. trying to figure out what is the healthy part of desiring love and companionship, and then trying to decipher what isn't healthy. that is something i am sorting out right now....
In the mean time however, can i just say i have been watching some sappy love movies, and oh how i have missed them.
4. Can i just tell you that as much as i want to plan my future, and although i do not know what is going to happen in the next year, or where i am going to be.... i have a peace. this is huge for me. its a new found peace, a peace that the lord is showing me i can have when i rest in him. (or for me, try as hard as i can to rest in him.... i will get there.)
5. I love you guys sooo much, thank you for being apart of my life... bc I have a feeling if you read this to the very end, you love me a whole lot and mean a whole lot to me :)
Till later my sweet friends,
1 comment:
Okay, so I'm one of those people who reads your blog and you have no clue who I am (I come by way of Cari's blog). Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I love reading your blogs because you write from the heart. I think it is great that you are learning all of these things BEFORE you get married so, when God brings "the man of your dreams" along, you will be prepared to serve Him together.
It sounds as if you have been doing a bunch of growing in Christ since your broken engagement...that's a good thing. It brought this old lady's heart joy to read that you want to talk about the wonders of Jesus with those around you.
When your desire is to know him more,and you actively seek His face, you realize that you have no need to worry about the plans for your future because He holds them in His capable hands. It sounds as if you are really starting to understand that!
May God bless you this week!
Post a Comment