Realizations

You know when you have one of those moments where you are incredibly aware that everything has changed, and maybe there is just a small (rather large) chance that you have not completely moved on? Anybody....Anybody? Today I had one of those moments. I think a couple actually. This week has been one of those kick-you-in-the-butt weeks that makes you look at things, and realize that some things are better the way that they have become. It is better that things have become different and though things have been hard, things are finally starting to make sense. I may not have all the answers...far from it actually, maybe not even a plan (which I just love to have) but in these rare moments that I become incredibly aware of this fact, I have also become extremely thankful. That's right, thankful. How much I have fought that concept over and over again with this whole broken engagement/plan for the rest of my life thing being taken away.
But, have I looked at it in the wrong way? I think so. I want to live intentionally. I want to live in the moment...and be CONTENT in that moment. I know there will be times of unhappiness, that is true of life....its going to happen; but how wonderful would it be to just be in the moment, good or bad and know, KNOW that this is exactly where you are supposed to be. The thing is I believe with all my heart that the Lord is in control and that He has me right where he wants me, but more times than not, I don't think that I always live that out. I don't walk in freedom through that fact. This was my realization today. Things are the way they are supposed to be... I may not like it all the time, I may think that there is a "better" way that it could have played out (stupid, I know. I'm not God) but instead of being unhappy and sad at the way things have played out and the things I have found out, maybe I should choose to be thankful. Thankful for his grace, his mercy, his love, his incredible sense of humor and his love that I cannot even fathom. This is what I am going to try to walk in....freedom. Freedom to recognize that through the pain there is grace and understanding that only the Lord can have with someone. How great and mighty and WONDERFUL is our Sweet Jesus.