The year of learning...a very wordy post. :)

That is what I would like to call this past year. It was very much a year of learning and the Lord providing different understandings upon my heart. I would have to say that this past year truely was a year of growth. I started to date, I found out how bad I am at dating (who is good at that..), I saw glimpses into my soul through what the Lord has shown me that were at times ugly, but I was thankful for seeing. I grew with my kids at school and I was pushed out of my comfort zone into places I have never been. I have gotten to become apart of these babies lives and it has pushed me more towards Christ than probably any other thing has in my life. I am so thankful for my job. I am so thankful for His grace in what I do. I am so thankful that He has allowed me to do something in which I get to be there and love on kids daily. I am even thankful for my crazy cheerleading position. The Lord is teaching me so much about myself and who I am through HIM. So often I try to take control and so often when I do this things backfire. As He continues to teach me that I am nothing without Him and that I am so much more successful when I trust in His direction for my life, I somehow am still amazed everytime this happens. It like a lightbulb comes on in a dark room, and then I can remember that I have been through almost the same exact thing not too long ago, and if I would have just resolved to trust and believe what the Lord showed me last time with almost this same particular situation, I would probably not be going through this growing pain again. :) But, I also know that the Lord knows me WAY better than I know myself, so He has a reason that I go through this over and over again.

The Lord has been so gracious to me in the past 6 years. (Well he has always been gracious, but let's just say I am way more aware of it than I have ever been before). I have had such a hard time with accepting who I am. From the way I look, to the way I am in just the everyday. I have truely struggled with worldy things such as my looks and what I bring to the table. I have desired to be desired and still at times desire both of these things very much. I have been through various trials with these very things and the Lord has brought me through them and through some of the toughest times, He has shown me He is not only enough, but He is also the only one that can sustain me and hold me in the what I might believe to be the hardest time in my life.

As I continue to learn what it is to be a woman of the Lord and to truely strive for His glorification, not my own, I am struck with how very wonderful He is. How great is our God and King that he has chosen me to love and to teach. How great is He that even when I don't understand or may shake my fist at Him and what I think is going on, he knew I would do that before time and still loves me. How great is our God and King that he decided to die on the cross for my sins and loves me more than I could ever imagine. And how great is our God and King that he continue to pursue my depraved soul even when I decide that I can control a situation far better than He.

How great is He who has saved. How great is He.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:13

my soul yearns to be completely His and His alone...

Thanks for listening,

Ashie