What a week.

There are days you know exactly what you are doing. Why you do it, and why it makes you happy. Then there are days that you really wonder why, oh why do you do what you do? No the kind of 'why am I doing this' where you want to quit entirely...but defintely puts you in a place where you wonder why things are the way they are. Why do people suffer? Why is that the way it has to be? Why can't everyday just be a day in which everything goes right. Where everything, even if it seems to not be falling in the right place, will somehow, some way, find its place. The past few days have been exhausting to say the least. Due to the part of blogging that is not exactly private, I cannot release the details of why it has been so bad. Let's just say the rain really does seem to make people crazy. It seems to make people act in ways that would not usually.

School has been hard lately. This week is has been a see-saw of ups and downs. At one moment I see such growth in my kids and then on the other hand these details are revealed about their lives that make me just want to cry out for them. You have heard me say this before, but these kids have it harder than many other people I have ever known. Then you think outside of that. What is happening to the people that you love. My pastor has a brain tumor. Even though we go to a big church, he has been someone who has really impacted my life with only personally really talking to him a couple of times. You wonder why things like this happen to such amazing Godly, people. You read the word, and somewhat understand, but I still do not think it takes away our longing to see an end to all this. Then you even look outside of that, what is happening on a global/world level. Haiti. Have you watched Marc Driscoll's sermon on Haiti. He recently went to Haiti. It is heartbreaking. I guess my point is, this is one of those weeks where you know what you believe, but you also know you need to be reminded of why you do what you do. Why is it that I teach these kids that don't seem to be thankful sometimes. Why do these babies have to hurt? Can I handle everything I have taken on? When are people who are hurting going to be healed? Why is there so much bad?

The thing is...I can read the answers to these questions...but are they engraven on my heart? Do I truely understand my place here on Earth? Do I understand that the Lord has a purpose for my life, and at times it is going to be frustrating and that I am going to be needing a clear reminder of why I believe what I do. I think my problem with this is feeling like I should just be confident in what Christ is doing...no matter the circumstance. Little Miss. Disbelief, as I have refered to myself before, is having a hard time this week. But, one thing I do know...through all this struggling, God is good. God has a plan, regardless of whether it is even in the ballpark of what my dreams have been...HE KNOWS. Praise him for that.

Until later.