Roots

You know, so often I think that we get away from the fact that the Lord has put us here for HIS GLORY and HIS RENOWN, not our own.  I mean, this could possibly be just me, and that is just fine, but I am thinking that this may be something that all of us, as believers, deal with from time to time.  (I tend to deal with this more times than not!)  The Lord is so gracious to point this out to me though.  

This week has been a toughie for me...not sure why, other than I was not daily confessing where I was and, yet again, NOT TRUSTING the Lord with my present, past and future.  When I am not in a constant confession with the Lord, I am also usually not being obedient to where the Lord wants me.  I fight within myself to be this perfect little person and have everything right, before I feel like I can bring it before him.  This is some mixed up thinking that I have.... if you are reading this and you are not a believer, I would like to note that I this confession thing is not something to be looked at as a legalistic practice.  But, something that I am grateful for, because through mistakes and other sin issues that the Lord shows me, he allows his grace to cover.  For me, it is easy for me to begin the thinking of I have to do everything perfect before I can bring it before the Lord.  This is such wrong thinking.....and something I have been dealing with this week.  I have been processing a lot this week, which I do think is also from the Lord...but I still was not obedient this week in the way I was doing things.  I was looking to myself instead of the Lord and doing things to convey to myself that I was perhaps "in control" of my surrounding as well as everything that might happen in the future.  

Here lately the Lord has really been bringing me back to the passage in Jeremiah about being planted by the water....

"Thus says the Lord: Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes his flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.  He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not seen any good to come.  He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.  Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose TRUST IS THE LORD.  He like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.  The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?"

Jeremiah 17:5-9

So, this may seem really silly, but I have been kind of in awe of trees lately.  I know...this may sound crazy; but hear me out.  Look at the biggest trees you can find.  They are strong, but not immune to decay.  They are usually thick in the trunk and a beautiful shade of green at the top when healthy.  When unhealthy, there can be branches that are dead, lifeless.  They must be cut off from the tree, because they are of no use.  I just think that this illustration in the Bible is a good way to look at our lives.  Are our roots founded in the land, or for us the Word of Life, and are we planted by the water?  What kind of tree would we look like, when we compare ourselves to the passage above?  

Another passage that I was actually looking at this morning, and was pointed to through my step-study at church was Hebrews 12:5-17:

"And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?  My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son who whom he receives.  It is for discipline that you have to endure.  GOD IS TREATING YOU AS SONS.  For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  If you are left without discipline in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and sons.  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.  Shall we not much more be subject to the Father or Spirits and live?  For they disciplines us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put to out of joint but rather be healed.  Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.  See to it that one one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal.  For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears."

So many times I think we look at discipline with a negative connotation, instead of looking at it as something will refine us and something that is done out of love.  I am challenged, encouraged and uplifted by this passage, because it makes me look at discipline in a way that I do not always think about it....

Just some things the Lord is really making me think on, and I wanted to share ;)  I love you all....

I GOT THE JOB!!!!

 I am now an Arlington Colt!! WOOO HOOO!! I will be teaching English II (Sophomore Level) and I will be the Freshman Cheer Sponsor!! Hootie, Hootie, Hoo!! I AM SOOO EXCITED!! 

Thank you all for praying so much!! I cannot think of anything more perfect!  I am pumped about what the Lord is about to do and is doing!! Praise the Lord for his grace, provision and letting me plan a little bit ;)  YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! he he :)

Love you guys SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!

Prayer Please... :)

I know I said I would post pictures next time... and I PROMISE to next time, but I have a favor to ask ;) Will you please be praying for me today, especially around the time of 3:30? I have an interview with Arlington High School to be one of the English teachers and the Freshman Cheerleading Sponsor. Not only would this be an amazing school to teach at...it has a lot of tradition and support for teachers as well as students, BUT I would get to pour into young girls!! Plus...let's just be honest.... I LOVE to be peppy, so it would just be perfect!!! :)

So, if you see this, please pray for me at 3:30 pm today. Pray that I answer the questions in the way that really shows that I have knowledge of what I am speaking of, as well as the fact that I am passionate about teaching and learning!! :)

Love you all!! THANK YOU!

The heaviness of the heart...

One thing that I seem to be running into a lot is the constant ups and downs of my emotions.  

DON'T WORRY!!! I have not become some freako (freako, did I just make up a word? I think I did...ha) in the past 24 hours... or crazier than I already was for that matter, but let me explain.  The Lord is doing so much in my life right now.  Even in the past couple of weeks he has been crazy gracious, the word I used to describe him this morning in my small group, to me with things I don't deserve.  The whole lonliness part of everything seems to still be creeping in though.  This frustrates me....but I also can see that this is probably going to part of the whole "everyone is graduating, moving on and moving away" phase of my life.  I have kind of sat still in a sense when it comes to me graduating.  I graduated a semester early from many of my friends, and I am glad I did this, but I have drug my feet when it has come to getting involved or getting out of the whole DBU scene.  I don't know to really explain what I am feeling... I feel a lot of my emotions (the sadness that comes on out of nowhere) has a lot to do with the fact that I only half way faced graduation.  Yes, I graduated, but my friends were still just down the road.  I was still going to my homegroup at the school...now, my friends are graduating and about to move on.  I will soon find out where my job is going to be and move on as well.  I have this bad tendency to want to hold on to the past.  I want to relive all the good things over and over again, but by doing this I hinder the present as well as the future.  Where this can be good, in the way of memories, it is bad when it starts to hinder you from doing what you need to be doing in the moment ya know?  I don't know guys...I think I just have a lot on my mind at the moment and this is one of those things.  This is something that I am still working out in mind as well as my heart, so thank you for listening to my thinking aloud.  I am sure I will come back to it at some point! :)

Today was the last meeting of my small group for my step-step study.  It is bittersweet.  I have grown to love these girls so much, and their encouragement has been soooo appreciated and needed in my life.  We are still going to meet at least once a month, which I am BEYOND excited about!  There is so much I have learned from going through the Recovery Process at The Village, and I hope to still be involved and really apply these principles as well as really try to keep my hands open so that the Lord can constantly break down my walls of pride and idolatry so that I may keep seeing this growth that I am seeing right now.  As I have gone through this process there has been sooo much that the Lord has brought me out of, and is still continuing to break down in me and use for his glory.  I have seen soo much of his grace and kindness towards me.  I have also seen that he is just and forgiving.  There are three main words that I have been focusing on as I have been going through this process.

My three main words that I am focussing on here lately, that seem to be the montra for my life are: Trust, Steadfast and Faith.

Trust-a firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reliability, justice, ect. of another person or thing; faith; confident expectation, anticipation, or hope (to have trust in the future); keeping, care, custody; something entrusted to one....

This is from Websters Dictionary... a couple of many definitions. Trust is my main word I am focussing on right now. The Lord is trustworthy ya know... so why do I not trust him all of time? I like where the definition says... something entrusted to one... or in our case ONE!

Steadfast- firm, fixed, settled or established; not changing, fickle, or wavering, constant.

Not only do I want to stay steadfast with my recovery (step study I am doing with the church and implementing these practices into my life), I also want to stay steadfast with my descions and knowledge/discernment that the Lord has given me, as well as just know that the Lord is steadfast ya know.

Faith- unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence; COMPLETE confidence, trust, or reliance.

That is pretty much self-explanatory.

All this to say that my heart is heavy today, but in a good way.  When I think of heaviness many times I think of it in a negative way, but I think heaviness can also be a good thing.  It is a sign we are processing things in our hearts and that the Lord is doing a work.... or that is what I believe.  I am so thankful for my recovery process and will probably eventually post my testimony on here.  But, until then, I just want to speak from the overflow of my heart that he is gracious, loving, kind and is way more generous than he should probably be.  I long to be thankful in this stage of my life that I am currently in, and will continue to strive towards that goal.

I love you guys, Thanks for listening!!

AND DONT WORRY, i know you are probably getting tired of my wordiness, so the next post will be PICTURES!  WOOO!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!