Sweet Jesus,
This last year and half has been something that I have not expected. I did not expect many of the things that happened or came to pass in my life. At first and throughout many of the struggles I was very opposed to them and did not want to accept what was going on in my life. I cried out of help over and over again and there were many tears that were involved in the process. I believe you allowed those tears and hurt so that you could come rescue my heart. You allowed many things to happen in my life this past year so that I could see your Grace and also so you could show me some things that I lacked and needed to learn. You allowed some of my hardest life-lessons and heartbreak this year, but through that you showed up so completely. You showed me more than ever who you are and who you are not. You showed me characteristics of yourself that no one else possesses. You showed me how easy it is for me to look for my worth in worldly things, such as a boyfriend, my work, my kids at school, and image of what I feel I should look like instead of finding them completely in you. You showed me what it is to have a heart that is completely broken but truly only wants what YOU want...not what I want. You showed me a dream can be broken and yet a new one can be built. You showed me that even when someone betrays you as a friend that you are there and can love me so completely when that happens. You have showed me that I must have love for others even when that is the least of what I would like to do. You have showed me there is a line between letting others walk all over me and standing up for myself. You have instilled in me and continue to show me what the fruits of the Spirit are. You continue to show me where I am lacking and how far you have brought me. You continue to show me that I am a work in progress yet you have made me believe you love me the same. You loved me for who I was yesterday and today, not some future version of myself. You finally have allowed my heart to come to a place where I believe this. You have made my heart come alive. You have showed me that I do not need a man in my life for this to happen. You have showed me that ALL I REALLY NEED is YOU. All of the extra things that I have in my life are blessings from you so that I can see and show more of you. You have allowed such growth, even when it was excruciatingly painful. You have allowed those scars to shown, but you have produced fruit from these things. You have brought me to a place where I am finally OK with where I am at. It is not dependent on what is happening around me and my circumstances, but rather on your love and recognizing that you DO NOT CHANGE and will not change. Even when everything around me is crumbling down, you stand strong. For that, Lord, I am thankful. You are the one that has truly made my heart come alive, and for that I am eternally thankful. Thank you for loving me and helping me realize I do not need a husband (or other things I may have made as an idol) to make my heart come alive... I need you.
Love you,
Ashie
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