Day 5-To the ONE that makes my heart come alive...

Sweet Jesus,

This last year and half has been something that I have not expected. I did not expect many of the things that happened or came to pass in my life. At first and throughout many of the struggles I was very opposed to them and did not want to accept what was going on in my life. I cried out of help over and over again and there were many tears that were involved in the process. I believe you allowed those tears and hurt so that you could come rescue my heart. You allowed many things to happen in my life this past year so that I could see your Grace and also so you could show me some things that I lacked and needed to learn. You allowed some of my hardest life-lessons and heartbreak this year, but through that you showed up so completely. You showed me more than ever who you are and who you are not. You showed me characteristics of yourself that no one else possesses. You showed me how easy it is for me to look for my worth in worldly things, such as a boyfriend, my work, my kids at school, and image of what I feel I should look like instead of finding them completely in you. You showed me what it is to have a heart that is completely broken but truly only wants what YOU want...not what I want. You showed me a dream can be broken and yet a new one can be built. You showed me that even when someone betrays you as a friend that you are there and can love me so completely when that happens. You have showed me that I must have love for others even when that is the least of what I would like to do. You have showed me there is a line between letting others walk all over me and standing up for myself. You have instilled in me and continue to show me what the fruits of the Spirit are. You continue to show me where I am lacking and how far you have brought me. You continue to show me that I am a work in progress yet you have made me believe you love me the same. You loved me for who I was yesterday and today, not some future version of myself. You finally have allowed my heart to come to a place where I believe this. You have made my heart come alive. You have showed me that I do not need a man in my life for this to happen. You have showed me that ALL I REALLY NEED is YOU. All of the extra things that I have in my life are blessings from you so that I can see and show more of you. You have allowed such growth, even when it was excruciatingly painful. You have allowed those scars to shown, but you have produced fruit from these things. You have brought me to a place where I am finally OK with where I am at. It is not dependent on what is happening around me and my circumstances, but rather on your love and recognizing that you DO NOT CHANGE and will not change. Even when everything around me is crumbling down, you stand strong. For that, Lord, I am thankful. You are the one that has truly made my heart come alive, and for that I am eternally thankful. Thank you for loving me and helping me realize I do not need a husband (or other things I may have made as an idol) to make my heart come alive... I need you.

Love you,
Ashie

"a general wearing out process"

Noah Calhoun- "I don't think of it as sick. I think of it as a general wearing out process."

Did I just quote The Notebook? Yes, I did. This quote has been coming to my mind in the past week. It has been a tough past week- my sweet cousin was in the hospital because she was going into premature labor, and it took a few days to figure this out and make sure the baby was okay (she is not due until the end of July). Two of my very favorite people in the whole wide world are moving across the country (denial was happening for quite awhile, and now it is actually happening) and to top it all off Papa is back in the hospital. The quote has more been coming to my mind about Papa. I have written about him many times, and maybe it gets old that I write about him so much, but I do love him so. This time around he went in because he could not breathe very well. Come to find out he has lots of fluid around his lungs, but not because of what you might think of. All the food and drink that he is in taking has been going straight to his lungs, not his stomach. Needless to say, this is not good. They told him he must be on a feeding tube. He was not too happy about this, but when they told him what the alternative would be for him, he decided this was the only choice (which it was). He has been in a lot of time this time around. He has also been more stressed and anxious (which does not happen very often) and his feeding tube has come out about 4 or 5 times now. It stayed in all day today, so that is a praise. They must keep him on a feeding tube in order for him to digest food, and for it to go to the correct place, without it his outlook is bleak. They want to do a surgery on Wednesday to put a port in his stomach, but this will be somewhat risky due to the condition he is in. They want to keep him on a feeding tube for at least 6 weeks to see how he does with this. However, his left lung is not cooperating. His left lung has fluid surrounding it and they cannot remove it with lasiks. So, their plan is to inject a needle into the tissue around the lung and try to remove the fluid. I am gathering that if this works, then he will be able to have the surgery on Wednesday, which seems to be crucial, as well.

The quote has come to my mind, because his body is wearing out. It seems to be "a general wearing out process". He is the most precious person. The other day I came home from a trip, and even though he was feeling absolutely horrible and just needed to rest, he tried to turn around in his bed and ask me about my trip and some adventures I had partaken in in the past week. He also made a few jokes. One thing about my Pop, his humor is intact. I would like to ask you something-- please keep him and my grandmother, Norma, in your prayers. She is trying to stay strong, he is trying to do the same as well I believe he is just tired. The last thing I want is to lose him, but I desire for him to not be in pain and also just have a peace about the situation. Please pray for peace for both him and my grandmother and if they choose to do the surgery that it goes well, and that it does not put him in further pain or make him any more uncomfortable than what he is. I would really, really appreciate your prayers.

While we are at it- would you mind praying for my cousin Laura? She is at home now, but they will have to watch her now that she has gone into premature labor. Their baby Kennedy seems to be just fine, but please pray that the rest of her pregnancy is healthy and that Kennedy comes on time and when she is fully developed and that Laura is not stressed until then about the process. I can only imagine what was going through her mind last week.

I love you guys. Thanks for always listening, and more importantly, thanks for always praying.
Ash

Day 4- Favorite Outfit

I am not going to lie... I don't know if I have a favorite outfit. I mean, I definitely have favorite pieces that I wear, but a favorite outfit I have probably not had since I was about 10. When I was 10 I got to go to the Limited too (any of my girls remember this store?!?) and pick out an Easter outfit. I took a couple of pieces that were not thrown together in the first place and put them together. To my surprise and utter GLEE, the Limited too managers decided it was an awesome idea to put those pieces of clothing together and then decided to make it a window display. I felt like a fashion stylist. And to that day I have decided that I must always be shopping to find the newest looks that someone might have glanced over (this may or may not be how I justify shopping sometimes)....;). All that to say, here are a few of my favorite things. Quite honestly, after having to be in dresses and heels the past week for things after school or things such as graduation, I am fully convinced I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal. Dressing up is fun, but not something I want to do everyday.




This is my go-to outfit for summer. A t-shirt and shorts.















I love Uggs. This is far from a confession if you know me. I love them and will not apologize for it. Trust me, if you put your feet into some, your life would be changed. Ask my besties...they have been converted. I know that I cannot wear these in the summer, that would be quite stupid, but they are fav in winter. In or out of style, I will be true to you, Oh Uggs.







Lastly, would be my cream coat, my black skinny jeans and my anthro boots. Again, a winter-ish outfit, but it is one of my very favs. Unfortunately my beautiful and C-U-T-E cream coat was stolen while in New Orleans. So RIP cream coat... I hope your new owner loves you even though they stole you. I realize this is not the most flattering of pictures of me...but it is about the outfit, right?!






Well ,that is all for today. I apologize if any boredom came from this post, but I had to post Day #4! Hopefully Day #5 will be much more interesting!!

love you all.
Ash :)