Do you remember the books from when you were little called, "Little Miss Sunshine" or "Mr. Happy"? Many of the characters in these books could be me on any given day. I tend to go about my day and face many of the characteristics that these cute, adorable, and sometimes irritating characters seem to embody in each of their books.
The Lord has really been dealing with my heart is some major areas lately. (What areas of the heart on not major?) It is never fun when the Lord shows you something to work on...or maybe it is for you. I, however, tend to sway towards the perfectionist side of things so it is hard for me when something is shown to me that I am not that great at well, being perfect at. Even as I type these words I feel pride rising in me telling me to just delete that sentence. Two areas of my life that the Lord is dealing with me in are Pride and Unbelief. Can I just say these two areas are a little hard to swallow and at times to deal with. I have literally tried to avoid it at times and take a nap instead of facing the Lord with it. I know, that is sad. So many things have been showed to me lately about how little I believe the Lord. Sure, I believe in Him...but trusting him, that is another issue in itself. How badly I wish that I could just say, "Here, Lord take (insert my problems here...)" and not worry about it. Thing thing is I AM ABLE TO. The Lord takes our burdens and carries them for us, yet I am constantly choosing to be little miss. control freak and little miss. unbelief instead of trusting him with some major issues in my life. It is amazing to me, after everything he has brought me through, that I have even one ounce of disbelief. that i am even afraid he will not come through with something I feel he has promised me is absurd. I am so encompassed with my own disbelief that I tend to question the truth on a regular basis. This has been brought to the light by the Lord, and it seriously just makes me sick. How much I wish that I just believed him and did not question a thing in my life. Instead I question most things, and try to take it in my own hands instead of trusting Him to take it for me. I am immersed in this life of unbelief.
I am constantly reminded of this as well. Can I just tell you that when you ask the Lord to break of you of something, he will surely do it. It may not be the way that you wanted him to break you, but nevertheless, he will do it. I have been overwhelmed by the Lord showing me thing after thing that I do and say, that does not necessarily line up with what I say that I believe. There are many ways in which he has shown me this- first it started out subtle, now it has become overtly obvious. I have noticed how I will encourage my students in different ways and really believe what I am saying for their lives and really believe that the Lord can do that for them, but do not believe that the Lord could do that in my own life. I notice how am half-hearted in prayer for myself because I do not think it will necessarily get answered. I do not believe Him with things I feel that He has told me or things that he shown me because I am blinded by my own agenda or by my own hand trying to control things. The Lord has overwhelmed me with scripture about how the Israelites were constantly begging for the Lord to do more and more, and complaining and wanting to go back to a place that was not good for their lives, that the Lord clearly showed them that they need to leave, but out of some sort of comfort zone that they believed to be there, they wanted to go back to that bondage. Instead of praising the Lord for the freedom and provision he was bringing into their lives, they were complaining about the bread and being tired and other such things. This is me...I am constantly going back on what the Lord has asked me to do and asking him, Are you sure this is your plan for me? Are you sure Lord, because I am sure we could figure something out if this is not your will..." All that to say, I am a very silly woman. I am flawed and try to be extremely independent when all I need to be is dependent on the Lord. I ask the Lord why constantly instead of praising Him for where he has brought me and praying for my future and my present. I look way ahead in the future and choose to believe the lie that the Lord will never answer my request. This is a lie.
"The enemy taunts us with whispers like, You'll never be free. You've tried a hundred times. You go back every time. You're hopeless. You're weak. You're a failure. You don't have what it takes. Every one of these statements about you is a lie if you are believer in Christ. You do have what it takes. You have Jesus- the way, the truth, and the Life. But you can't just believe in him to be free from your stronghold. You have to believe Him."
Beth Moore; Praying God's Word
I have to believe this because that is what His word says. When I read this passage and some of the verses that I will follow this post up with I was taken aback. It is always amazing to me how the Lord knows when to hit you right between the eyes. This unbelief is a tricky little thing too because it is not like I am really wanting to not choose the truth. I do, but I am constantly believing these lies that are set before me. Now, have I chased it with truth? Obviously not because I am still dealing with this. This is where I have gone wrong...I must chase this unbelief away with what the truth is and what the truth says.
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to go must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
Hebrews 11:10
For some reason, one I don't quite know yet, the Lord has been showing me a lot about Moses. I have even had someone tell me that I am a Moses of my day....in which after the Lord has been showing me SO much that has to do with Moses and the Israelites. (Again, my fear of man is coming out a bit on sharing this with the blogging community- all five of you that read this- because I am afraid that someone will think I am trying to brag, or I am just being, well I don't know...but it just scares me a bit to share that.) Now why...again, not quite sure, other than the whole disbelief thing...but here are some verses with that too:
"By faith Moses, when he was born was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king's edict. By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the song of Pharaoh's daughter, choose rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered reproach of Christ greater wealth than treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and sprinkled blood, so that the Destroyer of the firstborn might touch them. By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as if on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drown."
Hebrews 11:23-29
The Lord is faithful. The Lord is good. The Lord gives us strength in Him, and wants me. Little, obsessive-compulsive, messy apartment, impatient, constantly complaining and questioning me. :) And he wants you too. We just have to be able to believe HIM.
We act out what we believe. Not what we know.
Vickie Arruda
Whew, and with that, I am done for the night. God is good...and he is continuing to show me how great he actually his. I am out for his renown and my heart aches for him.
Love you guys...
the charm bracelet my kids got me:)
My gIRLS!
One of my girls, Haley and I!
Lacey and I! I think she is more peppy than I am!! 
Erin and I!! 