what stirs you?

lately i have been thinking about what stirs my affections for the lord.  also what are the things that rather stir my feelings up rather than stirring my affections for the lord.  what are the things that i focus on too much that cause more stress and strife in my life than necessary?  there are many things that i focus on that cause me to take all of my focus off of christ and put it on myself.  namely, me.  i am the queen of worrying about how things will affect me... or how things will work out once i get into the mix of things.  one part of it is extremely selfish (well all of it), most of it is pride, full-out pride and thwarted pride, but when it really comes down to me not waking up and focusing all my energies on Christ and what he has done for me.  

instead i focus on how lonely i might be feeling, or how stressed out i am about school, or what if that lesson plan doesn't come out right and the kids don't understand and ultimately fail and then i am out of a job.  i mean... at the root of everything it comes back to my selfish desires.  me, me, me.  where i do think that the lord is killing a lot of that in me... and quite frankly, has killed a lot of that in me over the past year...it is still uncomfortable when it is pointed out.  my goal is to really start focussing on truth..."talking to myself, instead of listening to myself".  for when i listen to myself i am in a FAR WORSE condition and frame of mind (which i have been all week) versus when i talk to myself.

let me show you a little something from a book my best friend let me borrow:

"on a daily basis we are faced with two simple choices.  we can either listen to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can talk to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what HE HAS ACCOMPLISHED for us at the cross.  Far too often we choose to passively listen to ourselves.  We sit back and let our view of GOD and life be shaped by our constantly shifting feelings  about our ever changing circumstances.  Life is busy.  Often hard.  Full of distractions.  And before a morning cup of coffee, our passive  listening can take us on a roller coaster ride as we review a hundred different topics and experience a dozen varied emotions.  Is it a wonder we are so often unhappy?  We're listening to ourselves.  We need to start talking to ourselves instead"  (Mahaney 47).

so... to sum up.  this is where i am at.  stressed and feeling a bit... well, i am not sure.   but the passage from above definitely resinated with my soul.  Thank you C.J. Mahaney...and elise ;)  

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a couple of sidenotes:

1.  i am sick and thus feeling in a bit of a rut.

2.  i love teaching... i am just tired, and am needing a bit of encouragement.  and that will come.

3.  i know i started out using all lowercase, and then using some uppercase, and now some lowercase, and i am an english teacher.  sorry if that bothers you.  

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I will leave you with things that stir my affections for Christ and encourage you to make a list of the same.  not only is it fun... it is practical ;)

1.  obviously spending time with jesus... thus, writing/journaling,  getting in the word, reading...

2.  a good cup of coffee.  sitting in a little-known coffee shop, or starbucks  :)  listening to some ella, louis a, or etta.

3.  a good deep, conversation with friends.  where they are at, what they are struggling with, what is making them happy.  just truthful convos.  

4.  my kids-- the kids i teach that is.  that point when i see they truly understand what i am teaching... or when they just share important things with me.  (also, i love when they think i am a complete dork.  it is my calling. ha :))

5.  okay this may seem weird but CLOTHES.  designer clothes.  i mean.. i am in heaven at northpark.  okay, probably not literally, but i love looking at the different fabrics, putting the different things together and ahhh, i just love fashion.  i just get excited.  (this can sometimes tend to go on the bad side of things... i have to keep this in check...)

6.  my church-- oh, how i love the body of believers that i worship with.  they have impacted my life in numerous ways.  i am beyond thankful for my church.

7.  my family

8.  much needed sleep-- i know that may sound silly, but i am person who requires lots of sleep and when i get a chance to chill on a weekend... it makes me giddy and want to praise Jesus.

9.  music-- love it.  love it.

10.  singing...

11.  christmas time :)  i think that goes back to family and such.

okay, i am sure there is more, but no need to bore you.  i am going to go eat some dinner, take a bath and go to bed.  pray for me this week please.  although i have just written all of the above... sometimes that does not always correlate well with what i have already fixated my stress on.  i love you guys.