The truth is...

I have been faced with something in the past few years that I believe the Lord is continually using to show me how CONTROL He is in every situtation, and very NOT in control I am. The name of this game is (drum roll please...) dating.

Yes, I said it, dating.

Let's be real honest. I don't know many people who enjoy the game of dating. And that is what it very much is...a game. Meet the players, Ashley and said boy. Said boy takes Ashley on a date. If it is good it continues on in such a manner and eventually you call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. There is one thing that is not really a game...or shouldn't be anyways, and that is getting vulnerable. Taking your gaurd down. I don't feel like you really get prepared for such things. And one big thing that I am realizing is one, you cannot base your relationships on other people's. You can learn a lot from others, but when it comes down to it, you are the only one that knows how to be you...and what you want. This has taken me YEARS to figure out. And one would say that I have not mastered this thinking quite yet. But what is dropping your gaurd? The thing about dating is you have to really take the time to get to know someone. In a way its about being selfless, because it is a giving of your time. Sure, you are suppossed to have fun, so it shouldn't be hard, but then again, there are emotional parts of letting your gaurd down. What if that person rejects you? What if they don't like who you are or what you are about? What I am learning is this is all risks we have to take if we want to someone to know us. Really know us. It won't come in a month, maybe not even in a year, but one thing I am learning is that the Lord calls us to be real. Where I do not need to empty out all my junk in front of the said boy on date one, eventually I will have to get real with that person. I will have to hope that no matter what I have done, or where I have been that that person will see my heart. That they will respect that, and want to know me on a deeper level because of the person I have become through those struggles and mess-ups. Who knows who I will end up with, but it is refreshing to me that the Lord is showing me all these things. This may be old news to some of you. You may be one that already has it figured out...but for me I am still learning on this front and how gracious and loving is our God that he has been patient with me through so many different trials and struggles that He is still loving enough to show me where I fall short and how I can fall into his arms. Grace is always waiting and I praise Him for that.

Let the dating saga begin.

:)

My Best Friend is getting MARRIED!!!

ODE TO ELISE MARIE THOMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to do a celebratory post in my friend, Elise Marie THOMA's honor :) Lise will be getting married in about a week and this weekend we will have her bacholoerette bash!

Elise has been such an amazing friend to me. She has truly been one of those friends in which I know I can count on for anything and everything. She will drop anything for a person. She is SO caring and is so passionately in love with the Lord! :) (And Brad..hehehe:)) She loves with all her heart and she has truly been with me as I have been grown, shaped and molded by the Lord. She has encouraged and never judged, and always been ever-so-truthful with me. Needless to say after all this, I just love her. I am very excited that her big day is almost here and to celebrate this I would like to post some pictures of us!!!

More to come...this is just the preview! :)

One More Thing...

I want to share one more thing. I would like you to go to Lauren Chandler's, Matt Chandler's wife's blog. These are the people who lead us at our church. I love them. I love their trust in our awesome God. What an awesome example of what we should do in the heart of uncertainty. Trust Him :)

Matt went to the doctor today and they found out the mass was a tumor. They will be removing it on Friday. Please continue to pray for complete healing and for the entire family. Love you guys!

www.themchandlers.blogspot.com

Where my heart lies tonight...

Do you ever wonder why certain things are the way that they are? I am guessing you do, or hoping at least. I feel like the Lord definetly does things in way that seems foriegn to us, but obviously competely make sense to Him. Well, I know this because it says that in the Bible, but I think I am at a point where I just am a little baffled at why things are the way that they are. For instance...why am I saved and there are others that are not at all? How come I got chosen, but others can't seem to grasp what I know to be true? It tears my heart apart quite frankly. And even though I know that that is the way it is, and everything is for his greater glory...It makes me feel sad. I can honestly say I have never been burdened for the lost until this past year. They are for reasons that I will not go into detail here on the blog...one of them I can tell you is teaching. I watch these kids, and quite frankly other people I know around my age ask if you have such a loving God and your God is so "non-judgmental" why would he send people to hell? Why does he not just accept gays? How come Christians are some of the most unhappy, judgemental people that I know? Why did my parents split up then? Why is my life so bad then? Why would I have been abused if there was a God...how is that good? What about the inconsistencies of the Bible? Where some of their theology is off, there are also some of those questions that I cannot answer. Where it is unfair to stereotype the whole of Christians a certain way, I cannot say that half the time that proves to be untrue. What frustrates me the most is I know how I feel. I know Christ has won me over, heart, soul and mind, and changed me from the inside out yet I cannot even begin to articulate for people the answer to those questions. So frustrating...and the even more frustrating part, is I don't believe they see that judgmental side from me (or hope not at least), but I feel like you have to make up for all of the people whom act like this many more times than not. (Which let's be competly honest, if you know me well, I am SURE I have been judgemental...but you know what I am saying). That judge constantly instead of just loving. Shoot, Christ loved everyone. EVERYONE. Even the people that nailed him to the cross. Even the people that denied him, but to his face said they loved Him. He loved the screw-ups...which I hate to break it to ya...is all of us. I just get frustrated when I get so tounge-tied. When nothing can seem to move a person to see the incredible love that is just waiting for them if they accept it. But, the Lord wills the heart...not I, so I need to stop being so frustrated, right? I don't know what it is in me lately, but it has just been bothering me. Why can some people see the Lord's grace, but others can just look past it like the it's just a brand of peanut butter and some like it chewy and some like smooth. (Okay, terrible example...but I need some sort of Ashley-ism, comic relief, what the heck is she writing somewhere in this...) So, this is where I am at. Why can't everyone know him. I know, because that isn't what the Lord has. But, I think a little more understanding would serve me greatly.

I love you all. Thanks for listening to me vent...all two of you ;)