There are times when I long for the old. Maybe not necessarily what used to be, but more for simplicity. Something that just calms your heart. A warm cup of coffee, and book, and no worries. I have been having a real time of reflection and thinking upon life and where the Lord has me right now, where I long to be, what my wants and desires are, and just where I am realistically. I think it is okay to dream. To want for the future and even get excited about what the future might hold, but I also try to keep my heart grounded. I try not to get in that all-encompassing daydream for the future. I try not to get ahead of where the Lord has me right now, even at times I think it may be a little easier to look past where I am right now and think on the future.
I have been praying a lot here lately about what the Lord wants me to do with this time that I have right now. I feel like some big decisions are around the corner, and just asking Him to show me where He desires to use me and what He desires to do with my time and my heart and my energies. That prayer being something that has been becoming a recurrent theme here in the past week especially, the Lord gently slapped me across the face last night with an answer. It seems to be the answer that has also become a recurrent theme in the past month and a half. This theme in my life is not something that I really love because I am not very good at it. It is called...drum roll please...waiting patiently. Waiting on the Lord and the Lord, ALONE. Have you ever been in a time of waiting?
I have the opportunity to speak in a conference for teen girls coming up very soon. To tell you that I am excited about this would be the understatement of the century. I have felt like the Lord would have me work and share my story with teen girls for a VERY, very long time. Over and over again I have felt the Lord speak this into my heart, especially when I was in the midst of a battle with my flesh over a serious stronghold. I have felt he would use me for Him in some sort of way with what I have struggled with in the past. Out of nowhere, quite frankly, I was asked to be apart of this conference. I get to speak to teen girls about eating issues and really more about the idols we hold in our hearts and how we put them upon the throne of our hearts instead of our Sweet Jesus. I get to talk about my journey and how the Lord has wooed me to Himself. As I was searching though my journals of the past 5-6 years, the Lord really showed me something I could truly use where i am right now. He also showed me how much of a pattern He has with me. Literally in ALL of my journals the phrase "wait patiently" was written over and over again. Crazy, right? Over and over and over again, here lately the Lord shows me He has a plan with what He is doing in me and through me and will do for me if I would just trust him and WAIT on Him. Not wait on a specific person, but wait on Him. Another word that was constantly written over and over and over again was the word trust. As I was going through my 11 journals I was amazed at 1- how much the Lord has chosen to do (and I don't say this in a prideful way, I say this in a the Lord is awesome because I was an absolute MESS) and 2- how much of what He has said in the past is still so relate able to where I am right now and 3- how the Lord has done what He has spoken to my heart so far.
I think in a time of uncertainty the Lord has been so gracious to let some things happen for me that are things I have prayed over for years. He has allowed some things to come into my life and has shown me even when I am in a desperate cry of uncertainty and misunderstanding that He is on the throne, He knows what He is doing, and He will do what He has promised. I may not get to choose how that looks or what or when that will be, but He has a plan and He is not someone who gives empty promises. It is not a coincidence that I have kept journals over the trials of life and my everyday and where the Lord has brought me from. It is not coincidence that the Lord had Autumn ask me to be apart of the conference. It is not coincidence that there are phrases written over and over and over again in my journals that the Lord is speaking into my heart right now. The Lord is good and gracious and does not change. He longs for his children to be secure in HIm. And Him alone. Not a dream, but in Him.
Have you ever been in a place where the Lord, even though speaking so gently to your heart, has to absolutely flood you with the truth of who He is? The Lord loves me so much because I know He is doing this. In times of sadness or times of loss or uncertainty which is where I am at right now or feel like I am at right now, the Lord shows me His love has not grown cold. Last night in some serious time of prayer I was praying that the Lord would show me where He wants me. It doesn't matter where I want to be, but where does he want me? What does HE want me to do? I have come to a point of frustration with myself and I just really, really want to do what HE wants...not me. Because His will is going to prevail at all costs, so regardless of what I may want to happen or what I may desire, I think it would be MUCH easier to just submit to His plan for me. What is it, I ask over and over and over again. What do you desire for me to learn, what do you desire to do in this time?! After I prayed these words last night I looked up Streams in the Desert. What was the devotional entitled, "Wait on God's Time'. It was about Sarah and Abraham. "If God had told Abraham in Haran that he must wait for thirty years until he pressed the promised child to his bosom, his heart would have failed him. So, in gracious love, the length of the weary years was hidden, and only as they were nearly spent, and there were only a few more month to sait, God told him that "according to the time of life, Sarah shall have a son" (Gen 18:14).
"Take heart, waiting one, thou waitest for One who cannot disappoint thee; and who will not be five minutes behind the appointed moment; ere long "your sorrow shall be turned into joy".
As if that was not enough, I went to my bed got out my Bible and my Charles Spurgeon devotional and started to read and digest it. "Get thee up into the high mountain." Isaiah 40:9 "Rouse yourself, O believer, from your low condition! Cast away your sloth, your lethargy, your coldness, or whatever interferes with your pure love for Christ, your soul's Husband. What beguiles you into such folly that you remain in the pit when you may sit on a throne? Do not live in the lowlands of bondage now that mountain liberty has been conferred on you. Do not be satisfied any long with your dwarfish attainments, but press forward to more sublime and heavenly things.
I went on to read Isaiah 40:9-319 Get you up to a high mountain,
O Zion, herald of good news; [1]
lift up your voice with strength,
O Jerusalem, herald of good news; [2]
lift it up, fear not;
say to the cities of Judah,
“Behold your God!”
10 Behold, the Lord God comes with might,
and his arm rules for him;
behold, his reward is with him,
and his recompense before him.
11 He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand
and marked off the heavens with a span,
enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure
and weighed the mountains in scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who has measured [3] the Spirit of the Lord,
or what man shows him his counsel?
14 Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?
15 Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
and are accounted as the dust on the scales;
behold, he takes up the coastlands like fine dust.
16 Lebanon would not suffice for fuel,
nor are its beasts enough for a burnt offering.
17 All the nations are as nothing before him,
they are accounted by him as less than nothing and emptiness.
18 To whom then will you liken God,
or what likeness compare with him?
19 An idol! A craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and casts for it silver chains.
20 He who is too impoverished for an offering
chooses wood [4] that will not rot;
he seeks out a skillful craftsman
to set up an idol that will not move.
21 Do you not know? Do you not hear?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?
22 It is he who sits above the circle of the earth,
and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers;
who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;
23 who brings princes to nothing,
and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness.
24 Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown,
scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth,
when he blows on them, and they wither,
and the tempest carries them off like stubble.
25 To whom then will you compare me,
that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes on high and see:
who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
and because he is strong in power
not one is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Okay, God...you have got my attention. Whatever the future holds, I know the Lord is going to do something with this time that He has me in. He will do good because He is good. And I also believe He will continue to nail this into my head until I believe Him. Oh, simplicity in Him. Oh, to not only KNOW He is better and His plans are better, to BELIEVE Him.
Wanted to share how sweet our God is to me. Love you all, and HAPPY Thanksgiving! love love love you.
Ash
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Death to a plan.
I will be 25 this month. I have always been a planner. Not the kind of planner that just writes in her planner every now and again. Nope. I am the girl that not only writes in her planner, but color-codes it, and also likes to know months and sometimes even a year in advance of what is going to happen-- sometimes I think that is to protect myself and my heart. When something happens to a plan that I have had in place, I tend to get a little rattled. Especially when it is a deep-seeded, in my heart, really think it is going to happen plan. I am at a crossroads in a sense with that right now. Something has happened that I did not plan for and has completely shaken the whole "plan" I had in my head of what was to happen and what was to be, and even what I thought the Lord had for me. Things have been shaken in my life and "plans" that I had for my life and what was going on have drastically changed.
What do you do when your plans change? Are you one who doesn't really mind that, and just kind of goes with the flow? See, I am not like that. In the particular situation I am in, I can honestly say I have had to fight every fiber of my being not to do things that would cause my heart pain in the end by me trying to control the situation. You see, today though, I realized I was still trying to control some part of the plan I thought was to be in place. Today, I realized I have not given my "plan" to God. Instead, I have clung onto it for dear life in fear that if I let go of this plan, let go of this dream if you will, then it will not come back around. That it will not come to fruition and that I will look like a stupid and silly girl. once again. in that, I realized that there lies the problem. I may have given a lot of what is going on over to God, and He has given me peace through a lot of my situation I am in right now, but there is still this part of me that is trying to control it. Maybe not an outward part of me that is physically doing something, but rather my heart...by its hurt I am clinging on to this fear, and in that fear I have thought that if I just cling to this plan that somehow, that will make it okay. That eventually, if I hang on to this plan, maybe I won't be wrong. Maybe, just maybe, something will happen. That is very wrong thinking. And I realized that today. I have to give my WHOLE heart to God, and with that that means every single "plan" I have for the future and what I have and want for myself. The Lord knows my desires, so surely He knows I have this magical "plan" for myself. So far, every plan, especially relationship wise have yet to work out for me. I watch my friends and family members whom are married. Some of babies now. Some of are trying for babies, and some are just in the "thinking about babies" stage. I watch how in love they are. I watch how they get to dream and plan together. How they get to rely on each other and support each other. I watch how they get to grow together...and I think I get a little jealous. I wonder, why can't that happen to me? Lord, why do I have to feel like that stupid, silly girl/friend that just hopes for that?
Today I called my daddy. He knows me better than most people. It is almost annoying. He literally can predict my movements and it absolutely makes me mad. He gives me his opinions that also tend to make me mad, because he does not really sugar-coat anything. Rather he gives it straight to me. What I have to come to learn is there are times when he is wrong. He is not always right, but most times, more than not, he is right, especially when it comes to what I might be doing in a situation. Today I called him very upset. In his tender, yet tough voice he asked me why I was so upset. I went on to tell him. After talking and crying on the phone to him, he went on to tell me that, "Ash, what are you so scared of? What are you holding on to? What is wrong with you being wrong? Why do you always have a plan? You clearly aren't trusting God with yourself and you are holding on to this plan you have for yourself for dear life? What is that helping? Who is that helping? That is clearly not helping you, but rather destroying you a little bit every day. Let go of the plan. Ash, if you keep getting in the way, if you keep holding on to this idea of what might happen, or what could of happened, you are going to have a hard time getting on with your life and letting what is supposed to happen happen. Has God ever hurt you? He is not about to start. He has you, Ash, He has you." This was a pretty big conversation for my dad and I. We spoke for a long time about this. We talked about my feelings and what I feel like the Lord has been telling me, and then the dreaded subject...this plan I have had for myself. He gave me some hard truths because he loved me today. I cannot always take what he says as complete and utter truth because he is human, just like everyone else, but today he helped me.
I had a plan. it is not the plan anymore. even if no one else knew this plan, I had it in my mind, and the Lord knows my heart, thus He knew what I had planned for my life. I don't think there is a problem with having a plan...it is just when you aren't flexible with those plans that it starts to be (and is) very harmful to yourself. If I truly believe His promises, if I truly believe everything my Lord and God is telling me during this time of sadness for my heart, and this time of really, really having to trust Him above everything else. Then I have to let this plan die. I have to believe that the Lord is good. That He is gracious. That He will not take me somewhere I am not supposed to be, but rather He will lead me right to where He wants me and it will all be for my good. I cannot throw this pity-party for myself where I feel sad and call myself a stupid girl and think that this is somehow going to help me. That isn't believing God. That is prideful Ash feeling bad for herself because her "plan' and what she wanted did not work out this time. That is not giving into the peace that the Lord has given me that passes all understanding...that is me taking 12 giant steps back and choosing to live in the fear of what could be, or what this place I am in means.
All I have heard in the last month has been certain phrases over and over and over again. It has ALL been Jesus. Faith. Hope. Wait. Waiting. Wait. Faith. Believe. Belief. Faith. Hope. Wait. Wait patiently. The woman must wait. Wait. Wait patiently, I have a plan for your life. God has not forgotten he has engraved your name upon his hands. Hope. Believe in MY promises. Believe Me. Have Faith. Wait, Ash. Wait. Wait paitently. Do not lose heart. Have faith in what I have told you. Have faith in WHO I AM.....over and over and over and over again. As I am typing this, it is almost just silly that I have moments of disbelief or loss of hope. To write everything that I feel like the Lord has shown me and that He has shown me would take a wayyy longer blog post then what you want to read, or probably I want to type.
A few things though I do want to share. Tonight I went to a live recording of a worship CD at the Oaks Church. This is the church that Bethany Dillon and Shane and Shane go to and help lead at. Tonight was much needed. Almost every single verse that they had that flashed up were verses the Lord has given me over the last month. Not even joking...gotta love when the Lord does that. I truly believe with all my heart there are no coincidences, especially when you are walking through a time of trial and perhaps hurt. Tonight they talked about fear. They talked about healing. Then they talked about God delivered them and healed them in the sense of that he healed the fear in their hearts and gave them a peace that passes all understanding. They also talked about after trusting God and after He gave them this peace, that He also healed their hurts. We sang that God is good. We sang that there is only one word that can save us...Jesus. Tonight was needed, especially after this afternoon, because the thing is, I am holding on to this fear. As much as God has been soooo gracious to me during a hard time I am going through right now, I have not allowed that peace to absolutely flood me because I am so fearful of letting go of this plan. Of looking silly to others. Of feeling silly and being sad and letting go of this "idea" I have and want so badly. But, what I realized today is I can still have hope and believe in what the Lord has told me, but I must be open to what the Lord has for me. I can still have and trust in what I think my sweet and loving Jesus is telling me without having a plan. My plans have obviously not worked up until now, so why start thinking they will work now?
Some things I have read and have stuck with me in the past month-
"I know that waiting on God requires willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts. It is easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence- easier sometimes than to wait patiently."
Truly my heart waits silently for God;
my deliverance comes from Him.
In truth he is my rock and deliverance,
my tower of strength, so that I stand unshaken....
Trust always in God, my people,
pour out your hearts behome him;
God is our shelter.
Waiting silently is the hardest of all. - Elisabeth Elliot, "Passion and Purity"
No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11
Therefore brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, bu the new and living way he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God Let us draw near with a true heart and full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for he who promised IS faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one anotehr and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:19-25
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the Olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, and I Will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
Blessed be the Lord! for he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength, and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped and my heart exults, with my song and I give thanks to him. Psalm 28:6-7
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"What we have known of our faithful God proves that He will keep us to the end. Let us not, then, reason to the contrary to evidence. How can we ever be so ungenerous as to doubt our God? Lord, throw down the Jezebel of our unbelief and let the dogs devour it." Charles Spurgeon
"God is very good to those who trust in Him, and He often surprises them with unlooked-for blessings. Little do we know what may happen ut us tomorrow, but this sweet fact may encourage us: not good thing will be withheld from us. (Psalm 84:11) Chance is banished from the faith of Christians, for they see the hand of God in everything. The trivial events of today and tomorrow may involve consequences of the highest importance. O Lord, you graciously deal with your servants as you did with Ruth." Spurgeon
And from my beloved Beth Moore, and believing God. This is a creed that she asks us to adopt while reading and praying through her book and study-
God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ.
God's word is alive and active in me.
And lastly,
"I am who I am" Exodus 3:14
Who am I to question God? Who am I to have a plan and think it is better than what He is choosing to allow me to go through right now? The most obvious answer to that question is I am not God and I do not know what is best for me, and to truly believe that I must let go of my plan. Oh, growth...it hurts, but it is for our good and will ultimately deliver better results than I could have hoped for. I must trust in that. I must trust in Jesus and what He has told me...but most of all, I must trust in WHO HE IS. Not in a stupid plan I thought I had for myself and thought would work out. Many are the plans of a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose will prevail. I pray that this is not something that I just blog about, but rather, I walk in and believe and pray from here on out.
Amen. Thanks for listening.
What do you do when your plans change? Are you one who doesn't really mind that, and just kind of goes with the flow? See, I am not like that. In the particular situation I am in, I can honestly say I have had to fight every fiber of my being not to do things that would cause my heart pain in the end by me trying to control the situation. You see, today though, I realized I was still trying to control some part of the plan I thought was to be in place. Today, I realized I have not given my "plan" to God. Instead, I have clung onto it for dear life in fear that if I let go of this plan, let go of this dream if you will, then it will not come back around. That it will not come to fruition and that I will look like a stupid and silly girl. once again. in that, I realized that there lies the problem. I may have given a lot of what is going on over to God, and He has given me peace through a lot of my situation I am in right now, but there is still this part of me that is trying to control it. Maybe not an outward part of me that is physically doing something, but rather my heart...by its hurt I am clinging on to this fear, and in that fear I have thought that if I just cling to this plan that somehow, that will make it okay. That eventually, if I hang on to this plan, maybe I won't be wrong. Maybe, just maybe, something will happen. That is very wrong thinking. And I realized that today. I have to give my WHOLE heart to God, and with that that means every single "plan" I have for the future and what I have and want for myself. The Lord knows my desires, so surely He knows I have this magical "plan" for myself. So far, every plan, especially relationship wise have yet to work out for me. I watch my friends and family members whom are married. Some of babies now. Some of are trying for babies, and some are just in the "thinking about babies" stage. I watch how in love they are. I watch how they get to dream and plan together. How they get to rely on each other and support each other. I watch how they get to grow together...and I think I get a little jealous. I wonder, why can't that happen to me? Lord, why do I have to feel like that stupid, silly girl/friend that just hopes for that?
Today I called my daddy. He knows me better than most people. It is almost annoying. He literally can predict my movements and it absolutely makes me mad. He gives me his opinions that also tend to make me mad, because he does not really sugar-coat anything. Rather he gives it straight to me. What I have to come to learn is there are times when he is wrong. He is not always right, but most times, more than not, he is right, especially when it comes to what I might be doing in a situation. Today I called him very upset. In his tender, yet tough voice he asked me why I was so upset. I went on to tell him. After talking and crying on the phone to him, he went on to tell me that, "Ash, what are you so scared of? What are you holding on to? What is wrong with you being wrong? Why do you always have a plan? You clearly aren't trusting God with yourself and you are holding on to this plan you have for yourself for dear life? What is that helping? Who is that helping? That is clearly not helping you, but rather destroying you a little bit every day. Let go of the plan. Ash, if you keep getting in the way, if you keep holding on to this idea of what might happen, or what could of happened, you are going to have a hard time getting on with your life and letting what is supposed to happen happen. Has God ever hurt you? He is not about to start. He has you, Ash, He has you." This was a pretty big conversation for my dad and I. We spoke for a long time about this. We talked about my feelings and what I feel like the Lord has been telling me, and then the dreaded subject...this plan I have had for myself. He gave me some hard truths because he loved me today. I cannot always take what he says as complete and utter truth because he is human, just like everyone else, but today he helped me.
I had a plan. it is not the plan anymore. even if no one else knew this plan, I had it in my mind, and the Lord knows my heart, thus He knew what I had planned for my life. I don't think there is a problem with having a plan...it is just when you aren't flexible with those plans that it starts to be (and is) very harmful to yourself. If I truly believe His promises, if I truly believe everything my Lord and God is telling me during this time of sadness for my heart, and this time of really, really having to trust Him above everything else. Then I have to let this plan die. I have to believe that the Lord is good. That He is gracious. That He will not take me somewhere I am not supposed to be, but rather He will lead me right to where He wants me and it will all be for my good. I cannot throw this pity-party for myself where I feel sad and call myself a stupid girl and think that this is somehow going to help me. That isn't believing God. That is prideful Ash feeling bad for herself because her "plan' and what she wanted did not work out this time. That is not giving into the peace that the Lord has given me that passes all understanding...that is me taking 12 giant steps back and choosing to live in the fear of what could be, or what this place I am in means.
All I have heard in the last month has been certain phrases over and over and over again. It has ALL been Jesus. Faith. Hope. Wait. Waiting. Wait. Faith. Believe. Belief. Faith. Hope. Wait. Wait patiently. The woman must wait. Wait. Wait patiently, I have a plan for your life. God has not forgotten he has engraved your name upon his hands. Hope. Believe in MY promises. Believe Me. Have Faith. Wait, Ash. Wait. Wait paitently. Do not lose heart. Have faith in what I have told you. Have faith in WHO I AM.....over and over and over and over again. As I am typing this, it is almost just silly that I have moments of disbelief or loss of hope. To write everything that I feel like the Lord has shown me and that He has shown me would take a wayyy longer blog post then what you want to read, or probably I want to type.
A few things though I do want to share. Tonight I went to a live recording of a worship CD at the Oaks Church. This is the church that Bethany Dillon and Shane and Shane go to and help lead at. Tonight was much needed. Almost every single verse that they had that flashed up were verses the Lord has given me over the last month. Not even joking...gotta love when the Lord does that. I truly believe with all my heart there are no coincidences, especially when you are walking through a time of trial and perhaps hurt. Tonight they talked about fear. They talked about healing. Then they talked about God delivered them and healed them in the sense of that he healed the fear in their hearts and gave them a peace that passes all understanding. They also talked about after trusting God and after He gave them this peace, that He also healed their hurts. We sang that God is good. We sang that there is only one word that can save us...Jesus. Tonight was needed, especially after this afternoon, because the thing is, I am holding on to this fear. As much as God has been soooo gracious to me during a hard time I am going through right now, I have not allowed that peace to absolutely flood me because I am so fearful of letting go of this plan. Of looking silly to others. Of feeling silly and being sad and letting go of this "idea" I have and want so badly. But, what I realized today is I can still have hope and believe in what the Lord has told me, but I must be open to what the Lord has for me. I can still have and trust in what I think my sweet and loving Jesus is telling me without having a plan. My plans have obviously not worked up until now, so why start thinking they will work now?
Some things I have read and have stuck with me in the past month-
"I know that waiting on God requires willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts. It is easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence- easier sometimes than to wait patiently."
Truly my heart waits silently for God;
my deliverance comes from Him.
In truth he is my rock and deliverance,
my tower of strength, so that I stand unshaken....
Trust always in God, my people,
pour out your hearts behome him;
God is our shelter.
Waiting silently is the hardest of all. - Elisabeth Elliot, "Passion and Purity"
No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11
Therefore brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, bu the new and living way he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God Let us draw near with a true heart and full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for he who promised IS faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one anotehr and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:19-25
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the Olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, and I Will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
Blessed be the Lord! for he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength, and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped and my heart exults, with my song and I give thanks to him. Psalm 28:6-7
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"What we have known of our faithful God proves that He will keep us to the end. Let us not, then, reason to the contrary to evidence. How can we ever be so ungenerous as to doubt our God? Lord, throw down the Jezebel of our unbelief and let the dogs devour it." Charles Spurgeon
"God is very good to those who trust in Him, and He often surprises them with unlooked-for blessings. Little do we know what may happen ut us tomorrow, but this sweet fact may encourage us: not good thing will be withheld from us. (Psalm 84:11) Chance is banished from the faith of Christians, for they see the hand of God in everything. The trivial events of today and tomorrow may involve consequences of the highest importance. O Lord, you graciously deal with your servants as you did with Ruth." Spurgeon
And from my beloved Beth Moore, and believing God. This is a creed that she asks us to adopt while reading and praying through her book and study-
God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ.
God's word is alive and active in me.
And lastly,
"I am who I am" Exodus 3:14
Who am I to question God? Who am I to have a plan and think it is better than what He is choosing to allow me to go through right now? The most obvious answer to that question is I am not God and I do not know what is best for me, and to truly believe that I must let go of my plan. Oh, growth...it hurts, but it is for our good and will ultimately deliver better results than I could have hoped for. I must trust in that. I must trust in Jesus and what He has told me...but most of all, I must trust in WHO HE IS. Not in a stupid plan I thought I had for myself and thought would work out. Many are the plans of a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose will prevail. I pray that this is not something that I just blog about, but rather, I walk in and believe and pray from here on out.
Amen. Thanks for listening.
Friday, November 5, 2010
an unexpected gift
Do you ever have those weeks where they feel like they have lasted a month? Well, this is how I have felt this week. It has not only been emotionally and mentally draining, but I think I have just reached my breaking point in how exhausted I am. Sometimes I am so very thankful for how busy I am. I am one of those personalities that likes to throw myself into things and likes to be busy (even though I am sure I am complain about it at times...maybe too much). Here lately I think I have been on overload, though. Work has been absolutely crazy, and as much as I love my girls, it is getting to that time of year where the holiday season looks beautiful because it is time for a break for all of us from each other. But, it is also playoff season. Playoff season is dreaded. Not because I do not want my school to do well, but because it is trips taken that are far away from home in which we do not stay the night (which I am glad) but rather ride on a bus to and from these events and do not get home until super late. Then after this we have school the next day and usually still have cheerleading the next day. Needless to say, I get to see a lot of Texas during this time, and although it may be fun the first trip, it gets wearisome after the first longer-distance trip to cheer a game.
This week has been emotionally exhausting for many reasons, some not all bad, but I think when you add all of this emotion into you being so exhausted and quite frankly a little overworked, you (I) get into a place that is not the best. Today I had the thought that I am not that nice of a person when I am exhausted and don't feel well. (Oh, yes, I have been running a 100 degree temp the past few days too! Oh, the weather this season;)) ALL this to say, I wanted to share an encouraging tidbit with you. Not a depressing ones even though it seems that I have just complained for a couple of paragraphs. I do not think I have blogged about this, but I had a student whom I love that through a series of events in which I will not talk about on here, was incarcerated. I love this kid, and it was very sad to see some of it go down as well as hear about a lot of it. This week, I got a letter from him...from prison. Some people might find it a little crazy that I got excited about this, but this kid remembered me enough to write me a letter!? He started it out with "Well, Miss. Kep, I never thought I would be in this type of situation that I am in. I remember one day after class you pulled me to the side to ask me about my situation or what not. It was nice to know you care." He goes on to tell me has 2 to 25 years. He told me he wrote me to say thank you and then he started in on a book he had read while in prison and that I should read it and even gave me the summary (the kids know where to get me...reading;)) but in and out of the letter he talks about how he realized he shouldn't have been into what he had been into and about his court dates and how jail is not fun. He then wrote "Miss. Kep, right now I wish I could be sitting in yo English class laughing at you telling a joke that probably wasn't funny. Just playin, but for real Miss. Kep, will you pray for me?" I share this because for me it was encouraging. Not encouraging in the sense that this baby is in jail, but encouraging in the sense that even in my worst weeks when I am feeling tired, or overworked, or see some hard things and have to make executive decisions about them, God is good to remind me that he is gracious enough to let these kiddos know I care. Even in our worst weeks, even when there does not seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, my Lord is so gracious to remind me that He has me where I am for a reason. He has put me in this specific spot for a reason. I may go through hurt, sadness, even times where I just do not understand why I may be put through something, or why my sweet babies have to go through hard situations, but HE is GOOD. He has a plan. I mean, who would have thought I would get a letter from this kiddo?! And he asked me to pray for him? I just think my God is so good. Even in the sadness, or when I have had emotionally draining weeks in which I cannot fathom to take one more thing...he sends me gentle, sweet, and profound reminders of how good He is and how He has got me right where He wants me.
Praise his name.
This week has been emotionally exhausting for many reasons, some not all bad, but I think when you add all of this emotion into you being so exhausted and quite frankly a little overworked, you (I) get into a place that is not the best. Today I had the thought that I am not that nice of a person when I am exhausted and don't feel well. (Oh, yes, I have been running a 100 degree temp the past few days too! Oh, the weather this season;)) ALL this to say, I wanted to share an encouraging tidbit with you. Not a depressing ones even though it seems that I have just complained for a couple of paragraphs. I do not think I have blogged about this, but I had a student whom I love that through a series of events in which I will not talk about on here, was incarcerated. I love this kid, and it was very sad to see some of it go down as well as hear about a lot of it. This week, I got a letter from him...from prison. Some people might find it a little crazy that I got excited about this, but this kid remembered me enough to write me a letter!? He started it out with "Well, Miss. Kep, I never thought I would be in this type of situation that I am in. I remember one day after class you pulled me to the side to ask me about my situation or what not. It was nice to know you care." He goes on to tell me has 2 to 25 years. He told me he wrote me to say thank you and then he started in on a book he had read while in prison and that I should read it and even gave me the summary (the kids know where to get me...reading;)) but in and out of the letter he talks about how he realized he shouldn't have been into what he had been into and about his court dates and how jail is not fun. He then wrote "Miss. Kep, right now I wish I could be sitting in yo English class laughing at you telling a joke that probably wasn't funny. Just playin, but for real Miss. Kep, will you pray for me?" I share this because for me it was encouraging. Not encouraging in the sense that this baby is in jail, but encouraging in the sense that even in my worst weeks when I am feeling tired, or overworked, or see some hard things and have to make executive decisions about them, God is good to remind me that he is gracious enough to let these kiddos know I care. Even in our worst weeks, even when there does not seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, my Lord is so gracious to remind me that He has me where I am for a reason. He has put me in this specific spot for a reason. I may go through hurt, sadness, even times where I just do not understand why I may be put through something, or why my sweet babies have to go through hard situations, but HE is GOOD. He has a plan. I mean, who would have thought I would get a letter from this kiddo?! And he asked me to pray for him? I just think my God is so good. Even in the sadness, or when I have had emotionally draining weeks in which I cannot fathom to take one more thing...he sends me gentle, sweet, and profound reminders of how good He is and how He has got me right where He wants me.
Praise his name.
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