"Hush now, put that thought down.."

Have you ever imagined what life would be like without a season change? How greatly our moods might be affected if there was never a change. If there was only super hot summers or bitterly cold, dreary winters. Even the most perfect fall days might become tiresome due to them becoming just ordinary to us. I have been thinking a lot on this here lately. I don't know if the weather has prompted this in me due to the fact that it has been a sweltering 100-something degrees and no matter where you go you are reminded how happy you are that it will be getting cooler sometime in the near future. It is almost like that reprieve is encouraging in some sort of way, even in the midst of the 100 degree weather. The Lord has done a lot in my heart this past year. Where I was a year ago and where I am now are completely different heart postures. He has brought people in and out of my life that have really showed me different things and he has also taken me through times that were hard and tiresome and has brought me to the other side of them within the past year. It is interesting to me how sweet and gracious our God is. He continually amazes me in how He loves me and pursues me even though I am sinful. I am constantly insecure or fearful in situations, but continues to surround me with truth and love this child of his who doesn't always believe or trust Him. Here lately, the Lord has really been talking to me about Trust and belief. Many times I say that I believe that the Lord is in control or that I truly trust what the Lord is doing, when in all actuality believing God and believing in God are two very different things. God, has been showing me a lot of this this past summer. To be quite honest with you, when things go good for me, I am very skeptical on how they will end up. Whether that be relationships, or school, or really anything in my life. I have learned to play out the worst possible scenario to "protect" myself in case something really bad happens. This might come because that is the way that I decided to "protect" myself after some stuff happened that I had never planned on happening in my life. Who knows, but regardless of how or why I started doing this, the Lord and some of my very close friends have called me out on this this past summer. My dad actually called me out on it as well (My Dad is good at calling me out on such things...;)). The more that I have been called out on this by the people whom I love, I have also lovingly been called out by my Heavenly Father. I swear, every time I was called out about such things there was some sort of scripture that was in my Bible study that day or that before I spoke with my friends about what trust and belief looks like. Just saying I believe God does not really mean that I am trusting him with what he is doing and actually believe in what I think He has been showing me. Convicting for sure. God has been so gracious to me. He has far exceeded any plans I would have had for myself at this point in my life. Yes, there were a few things in college and right out of college that I may not have planned out personally for myself, but how gracious He has been to bring out about a life that I could have never imagined. I am doing something I love. I LOVE to teach. LOVE it. The Lord has allowed me to do something that I have dreamed about since I was 5, literally. I love how the Lord has stirred my affections for Him through the profession He has chosen to allow me to be apart of. I have always had such a heart for ministry and for youth, and He has allowed me to do coach young girls, use my personal experiences to talk and relate with them and love on them. He has allowed me to be in a school where the kids are not loved on too much by their parents, and let's face it, if you know me you know how much I like to tell you I love you or how much I want you to know how special you are, and I get to do that on a daily basis with these kiddos!! AND, I get to teach English. And I love that part of it, too. I say all this, because I was thinking on how easily I choose to believe that something bad is going to happen. Yet, the Lord has OBVIOUSLY taken care of me, even when things have not gone as planned. Who am I to question my sovereign King?? Seriously, the Lord has overwhelmingly been showing me these FACTS about who He is and who I say He is, and who I choose to believe He is. I think it is easy to doubt, but as women, I think we are especially susceptible to worry, doubt, fear, etc. We choose to dwell on the "what ifs" or how we may feel like we don't measure up, or what we lack, rather than focusing on what the Lord has showed us or the certainty of God's promises. How different would our lives be if we lived in constant belief that Christ is true to His Word. That He has every intention of making his name renown, and that He has paid the ultimate price for our salvation and that he knows every hair on our head. I mean, if the Lord knows that, and cares enough to know that, surely He cares about how I am doing and knows the plans He has for me.
The Lord had me turn to Hebrews 6:10-20 the other day. Honestly, I turned to the wrong book and started reading and thought, MAN Lord that is awesome and totally what I needed to hear, but didn't really fit exactly with what the question asked me in the Bible study, only to realize I turned to the wrong book. But, I also needed to read what I accidentally turned to. ha, I LOVE when the Lord does that! So cool and totally not coincidental if you ask me. ;)
Anyways, Hebrews 6 is talking about the certainty of God's Promise. In my walk with Christ, the Lord has constantly pointed me towards such men as Moses and Abraham in my studies. I don't know why that is, other than I have a lot to learn, and these men are great examples of faith and also what to do, but also how they reacted and how things happened because they reacted in certain ways.

"For God is not so unjust to overlook your work and the love that you showed for his sake in serving the saints, as you still do. And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by woe to swear, he swore by himself, saying, "Surely I will bless you and multiply you." And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek."
Hebrews 6:10-20

I guess the point of this post is to say, Why don't I believe in what the Lord is doing more? Why don't I trust that He has put me here for a reason, and He will not lead me astray. Why do I not trust, that at times, even if things are hard or difficult to walk through, that He will bring me out of it and into another season. Why do I not believe that He longs to love me and bless faithfulness? Probably because I know I can be wayward. BUT, the Lord is sweet to forgive us and to love us even though He knows we are not perfect and that we are going to mess up. I can rest in the fact that He knows my heart and because of that and despite that, He still loves me. That, to me, is the best news I have ever heard. And even if something happens where things don't go as planned, I have Christ. Shouldn't that be enough? It just makes me giddy knowing the Lord loves me THAT much. How, sweet He is. and OH, how He loves us. If only I would live my life out daily believing that and understanding that today was given as a gift to live out of Him and that He knows that He is doing FAR better than I ever will or plan. How different I would live.

I leave you with some lyrics from a song that I am LOVING right now. For any women that read this blog, I HIGHLY recommend this CD. You can get it on Itunes and it is Donna Stuart's "Help Me Believe". Here are some of the lyrics...or, well I tried. ;) Ha, I couldn't find all the lyrics. BUT LISTEN TO HER CD, LADIES...you won't regret it! :)

This is from Blue Skies-
Quiet now, calm down, I am not going, going anywhere.
Get up now, I know you fell down, you were never meant to stay there.
Dust your knees, look at me, no I am not disappointed.
Have faith in me, please believe, I am not here, I'm not to condemn.

I am your blue skies through clouds of rain
I am your lamb of promise that I will stay
I want you to remain. I want you to obey. Me.

Hush now, put that thought down, that's not who, who you really are.
Come now, I will show you how, I will show you how to keep in step with the Spirit in your heart.

Put your hope in me. Put your trust in me. Put your hope in me. Put your Trust in me.


I LOVE YOUUUU ALL! :)
ash:)

A heavy-hearted request:)

One of the things about getting older is that there is more of a chance, or so it seems, that as you get older people close to you may pass away. Or at least, the possibility of this happening seems much closer than it used to be due to deteriorating health of family members, or other such factors. So is true with my Papa. My Papa has been very sick for awhile and without going into huge detail, is once again about to have a surgery that is very dangerous. It is not necessarily a dangerous surgery in the sense where many people do not make it, but rather is a surgery that is risky for him. For awhile now my Papa has been sick. He has had a plethora of things he has been sick with including infasima, heart attacks and disease, and cancer...twice. Somehow, though God's grace, he has come out of all these things. After awhile though, it is bound to wear on a person. Around Christmas time we found out that his heart was beating at a very low percentage. My Papa has been saved multiple times by his heart defibrillator. It has now been so overworked, due to his heart needing this miracle of a contraption, that he is having to have it replaced tomorrow. This surgery, from what I have been told, is done many times a day on many different people, without a problem. Papa is a high risk patient, though. He has many different issues with his health and putting him under and then stopping his heart to take the old defibrillator out, and put the new defibrillator in, will be a risk. But, it is a risk that he has chosen to take, because without it, his unit is bad and could possibly not save him once again if his heart is to go out.

What I would like to ask you for today is prayer. I don't really know what kind of prayers to ask for. Maybe some prayers of peace for my Grandma (Norma) and my Papa (people call him Kep). I can't possibly know what my Papa and Grandma are feeling, but I do know it is likely to be a hard morning tomorrow, either way. There is sure to be some heavy-heartiness on both sides and rightfully so. I have watched my grandma say bye to my Papa twice before major surgeries. This kind of broke my heart both times and so, in thinking on that today I thought the best thing I could do was ask for prayer. (They have been married for 50 years). I would like to ask that you pray for my Dad (Bob) and my Aunt Kathy and their spouses tomorrow. Aunt Kathy and Dad and my mom have been through this several times, and I don't think that necessarily makes any of this easier. As heavy-hearted as I am about this today, he is not my dad, so I am not quite sure how I would be feeling if that was the case. Please be in prayer for my cousins as well, Sam and Jen and then my bro Bj. Pretty much the whole fam.


As I was thinking this morning, I was trying to think of some sort of gift that I could get my Papa. I am one of those people that likes to give gifts. Maybe it is one of my love languages, who knows, but it is what I do when I am at a loss for words, or just feel like a person needs a pick-me-up, etc. The only thing I have come up with is scripture. That is only comforting thing. In the midst of all this, I have been thinking, what do people do without Christ? When all is falling apart, when there seems to be a fork in the road and you are unsure of the way it will go, who do they look to? I just really, really am thankful for the Lord in my life and in my families life. I am thankful that both my grandparents know the Lord and that I have gotten to watch my grandpa come sooooo much closer to the Lord than he used to be. I have really, really been encouraged by his relationship with Christ and in watching him grow through all this. I venture to say that without all this sickness that has happened, I do not know if he would be in the same place with the Lord. The Lord surely takes us through refining periods, and my Papa has been put through it. But through that refining he has come out beautiful and with scars but stories to tell and love to give and share. He has been such a HUGE part of my families life. A rock...and I really do mean that. He has been there and supported and encouraged so many members of my family. The thing about tomorrow is it could go great. It could be a 30-45 minute surgery with no complications and his ticker may start tickin' like it has never before. However, there is a chance it might go south. So, the reason for this post is just to convey to you how much I would appreciate prayer. I am not trying to be dramatic or say that something bad is going to happen to him, and I have faith that the Lord know exactly what He is doing and loves my Papa and my Grandma, and knows what is best. His plans are not mine and I am well aware of that. I would just really appreciate prayer tomorrow.

My Papa's surgery is scheduled for 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning at Baylor Dallas. His team of doctors are amazing and have worked with him several times. Please pray for their hands and minds tomorrow as they do this operation. My Papa has to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at around 5 or 5:30 a.m. I believe, so prayer today as well, would be great...

I will leave you with the below devotional that I did the other morning. I just found it to be encouraging/exactly what I feel like the Lord has been showing me lately. Maybe this will not be such a depressing end to a blog.

Ruth 2:17
So she gleaned in the field until even.

Let me learn from Ruth, the gleaner. As she went out to gather the ears of corn, so must I go forth into the fields of prayer, meditation, the ordinances, and hearing the word to gather spiritual food. The gleaner gathers her portion ear by ear; her gains are little by little: so must I be content to search for single truths, if there be no greater plenty of them. Every ear helps to make a bundle, and every gospel lesson assists in making us wise unto salvation. The gleaner keeps her eyes open: if she stumbled among the stubble in a dream, she would have no load to carry home rejoicingly at eventide. I must be watchful in religious exercises lest they become unprofitable to me; I fear I have lost much already-O that I may rightly estimate my opportunities, and glean with greater diligence. The gleaner stoops for all she finds, and so must I. High spirits criticize and object, but lowly minds glean and receive benefit. A humble heart is a great help towards profitably hearing the gospel. The engrafted soul-saving word is not received except with meekness. A stiff back makes a bad gleaner; down, master pride, thou art a vile robber, not to be endured for a moment. What the gleaner gathers she holds: if she dropped one ear to find another, the result of her day's work would be but scant; she is as careful to retain as to obtain, and so at last her gains are great. How often do I forget all that I hear; the second truth pushes the first out of my head, and so my reading and hearing end in much ado about nothing! Do I feel duly the importance of storing up the truth? A hungry belly makes the gleaner wise; if there be no corn in her hand, there will be no bread on her table; she labours under the sense of necessity, and hence her tread is nimble and her grasp is firm. I have even a greater necessity, Lord, help me to feel it, that it may urge me onward to glean in fields which yield so plenteous a reward to diligence.

(thank you Mr. Charles Spurgeon...)

Thank you so much and I will keep you posted.