Hard day equals exhaustion.

Disclaimer- I evidently do not know how to post pictures under captions!  Sorry!









there are so many things that I could probably blog about, but alas, i shall only share a few thoughts because I feel as though I am a bit of a broken record.  

Numero uno- I really think that teachers have a summer break because it is SO needed.  by this point in the year you are a bit exhausted and even though I love my kids very much, I think a reprieve from them will probably be good.  I have been so emotional lately with them.  Well when it comes to them anyways, even though today I did actually get a bit emotional.  I have my kids writing memoirs, or vignettes, and each kid is getting to use their own style of writing and tell me about almost anything that they would like.  So, although they are not due yet, the kids have been bringing up their writings for me to look over and see if they are okay.  Today one of my kids brought up a piece about her dad and him leaving.  I tried to hold it together while I was reading it, but all of sudden tears just started falling.  Then I looked up at her, and I told her I loved her and I was proud of her and I was sorry, and she started crying.  I just had to hug her.  These kids, man, they have some stories that just break my heart.  Although I LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do, and would never trade it, I think the break coming up will be a good time for me to just recoop mind-wise, ya know?  Maybe that is selfish, but, alas, there it is.  Please be praying for me if you think about it in the next couple of days, because I have a feeling in reading these memoirs they are going to tug at the heart a bit.

Numero Dos- ummmm, everyone is getting married.  I mean seriously, all of my friends, pretty much, are engaged or close to or ya know, married and are having kids.  :)  I am so happy for them, but it leaves a single girl wondering...what is life like after all your friends get married and you are still the single girl?  I know, silly question probably, you are probably thinking, oh ash, just be patient.  And let's face it, I have always had a bit of a problem with the whole "patience" thing (as I typed those quotation marks I just got a mental picture of joey putting quotation marks around everything in one of the friends episodes..haha..okay, i digress) so that is warranted.  However, as much I want to be married someday, I do not know if that is really what I am longing for right now.  I mean...maybe it is, but I think I just miss companionship.  With the job I have and everything, sometimes I think it would be good to come home and know that I have someone to talk to.  I mean... I have penelope..haha, but she does not really talk back, so.  ;) All that to say, this is just another very different stage I am entering yet again.  I never thought I would be the one that was still single...or maybe I was just hoping that would not be me.  hehe.  Nevertheless, I do think that being single has done nothing but grow me.  And trust me, I still have room to grow, and I am only 23, so no rushing.  

Numero tres- IT is my BFF's birthday week this week, SOOOO in Honor of her, I will post some AMAZING pictures of the two of us...and the sandwich.  I love her SOO very much and I am so blessed she is in my life!! 

Numero quatro- Skittle got in a wreck :(  I will let the pictures do the talking...it was raining really bad the other day, you know, during the monsoon, and thus lights were out in an intersection and me and another car ran into each other.  Poor Skittle. :(

That is all.  Love you all.  Thanks for listening!  

Optimism-- Is it contagious

and faith.. it is crucial.

I have been making my students do some writing assignments that are strictly about their lives.  They can write anything they want, in any way that they want.  They can tell me about who they are- through writing they can show me WHO they are...and this has been a very humbling and amazing experience.  I have been looking forward to this all year- teaching this unit, learning who my kids are, more about where they come from.  I love them so much.  I wish they could see how amazing they are and what they have achieved from coming from what they have come from.  I have something special in my classroom.  I do not really know what it is, other than the fact that my kids have started to trust me with who they are, and they feel like (hopefully) they can be themselves when they walk through the door.  Most of them come from very hard things.  The things that they have had to overcome baffles me to this day..and some of them are still trying to overcome these things to this day.  They have no clue how wonderful they are, or how much they can impact our society just by being the best possible version of themselves.  Many of them have been told that they cannot achieve anything...they are not smart enough, they shouldn't have been born...I have one kid who told me his mom told him that "she wished he was never born and that she should have had an abortion".  Thinking about these things, listening to my kids as they tell me some of the intimate details of their lives makes me think about how great my kids are.  I do not know if I was told that if I could keep going on and be okay.  But this kid that told me that, he is going to rise above the situation.  He wants to be different, he is a sophomore and already talking about college.  These kids are our future, and they just need a little hand to help 'em get up sometimes. 

I showed some of the video Freedom Writers in my classroom.  This is one of my favorite movies because I see so much of my kids in the kids that are represented in this movie.  My kids thought I was CRAZY when I first came in, and quite frankly I would not be suprirsed if some of them did not like me.  But, through talking and just really wanting to get to know my kids, I have been able to break this barrier with them.  I really think it is the Lord through me, because there are many times I get frustrated with them and such, but my goodness how wonderful our classes have become.  We are a family.  That probably sounds silly, but really, we are a family.  People who did not used to get along, are now pretty good friends.  When they see each other in the hall, they say hi, they even refer to each other as brother and sister.  (Which half the time is probably making fun of me because I have talked about how we are a family, and they are brother and sister..)  But regardless...my kids have learned to look at each other through a different set of eyes.  To look at each other without judgement.  Now, it would be niave to think that there will still not be judgements, prejudices, or stereotypes that are given to others, but what I hope is that they have learned how to look at people for who they are instead of what they look like.  I know this may not seem like something that is important to learn in English, but things come so much easier in a learning enviroment when there is a trust and respect that has been established.

All this to say, I hope my second year will be as rewarding as my first.  I am going to miss my kiddos when they graduate to jrs...some of them seniors ;)  Erin Greuwell's character in "Freedom Writers" says it so poigntly, "When I am helping these kids make sense of their lives, it makes my life makes sense.  How often does a person get that?" 

 

I love what I do.  I love who my kids are.  I love that the Lord has put me in a place where I am getting to do something that I have always wanted to do, and I am getting to teach the kids who NEED to be loved on daily.  One thing I have learned from the past two years is that no matter what, the Lord will always line things up.  You may not always be in your ideal position, but He lines you up with His will and what He wants for your life.  And in the end, you just have to trust that He knows far better than you do.  This is proving true in my life, and thank Jesus I am finally getting to a place where I can see that.

I would have included a picture of my kiddos in this, but when my computer got stolen, so did many of my pictures, so there will be pictures of them to come :)  I need to take some more!  I will post a blog with an update in pictures soon as well!! Love you guys...thanks for always indulging my more serious side ;)  And the goofy side always!  LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!

Everything is going to be alright.

My heart yearns at times to show my kids how much they are loved by me and some of the other people at my school.  There have been so many things that have been emotionally exhausting this week and a lot of it has to do with my kiddos.  

These kids live such hard lives.  I mean hard.  Nothing in which I have ever had to experience before.  To protect them, and what is going on right now I will not tell their stories...but how I long for people to hear their little voices and look on them with compassion.  I long to hear hopefullness in their voices rather than a sense of hopelessness.  So many of them have to contend with things that we just don't think about.  Not having a place to live, abusive parents (emotionally or physically), things WAY beyond their maturity level, gang violence, parents in gangs, drugs, parents on drugs, parents who do not seem to care about them, etc.  When they tell me their stories, and open up to me, I just want to take them in my arms and rock them.  How I long for them to see someone loves them and wants them.  How I hate that they have been put in such a tough situation at such a young age.  These kids deal with things that I have only seen on movies.  

I love them so much, and I know the Lord does too.  I long for them to see Jesus and see the God that loves them so much.  I also long for them to continue to see that THEY CAN achieve what they dream of if they pursue that dream and continue to be diligent.  One of my kids today told me that they "will be the first person to graduate from high school in their family".  I pray that my kids continue to dream big, even if that dreaming big is just them making it through high school.  I don't have much more to share, this is just on my heart and I wanted to write a bit.

Love you guys much, keep praying for me!  And my kiddos :)  

I will post some pictures soon for the three of you that look at this too!  ;)

What I have learned from other Teachers/Teaching...

The following things I have learned from other teachers that I work with:

1.  I will get Varicose veins.  It is only a matter of time according to the other teachers that I work with.  They said as a teacher you stand all the time, thus you are "screwed."  And I am directly quoting...ha.  

2.  My feet will be bad by the time I am 40.  Again with the standing thing.

ALSO- do not wear 4 inch heels to school.  I wore really cute 4 inch heels the first day of school...all the teachers made fun of me.  I was hurting badly by the end of the day.  I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.  

3.  I need to have 20 minutes of alone time after I get off work everyday, or I will bite someone's head off.  (I love my job...but the other teachers are right.  After dealing with a 160 sophomores that feel like they know everything, sometimes it is good to get a little "alone" time).

4.  I must meet a man that loves my fellow teachers--or they will chase him away.

5.  I must find a man that listens to my teaching stories, and loves what I am doing with the kids as much as I love my kids.  OR at least sees my passion for these kids and respects and encourages me in that...

6.  NEVER wear holiday sweaters.  (I have implemented this one myself...)

7.  You will begin to talk like a teacher to everyone...this has come into play in my life.  I saw it more during Christmas.  I was talking to my brother as if he was my student (not really realizing that...) and that did not go over so well. ;)

8.  Color-coding helps everything.  

9.  It is important to continue to challenge yourself.

10.  Don't act like you know it all.  I received the advice that it was important to act like you know everything even when you don't.  I DO NOT do that.  I think that is dumb.  If you want to be real with the kids and want the kids to respect you, I think it is better to be real with them.  They appreciate it.  I have even had kids say thank you for responding, "I don't know" to something instead of just acting like I know what they are talking about :)

12.  You (as in me) want to try new styles that the kids are implementing (at least some of them...) and look as cute as they do.  Then you realize you are 23, and you can't fit into things like they can.

13.  You will constantly feel you are younger than you are because they kids "keep you young".

14.  You also gain maturity due to the fact that you have about 175 kids relying on you.  At times I feel like I have 160 kids...no joke.  

15.  Sometimes the only example of a true role model is what the kids will see when they come to school.  Thus, act like one.

16.  If you just love on the kids, you will have GREAT results.

17.  People are VERY, V-E-R-Y passionate about THEIR parking spots! 

18.  You learn new lingo.  For instance-

If someone says, "Miss. Kep your rap about vocabulary was lame!"  then you just got ROASTED.

I get roasted on a constant basis:)

That is all for now... I just thought I would share this information with the blogging world.  So, just for future reference you will get Varicose veins if you teach....BEWARE 

Yours Truly,

Miss. Kep ;)

Little Miss. Unbelief

Do you remember the books from when you were little called, "Little Miss Sunshine" or "Mr. Happy"?  Many of the characters in these books could be me on any given day.  I tend to go about my day and face many of the characteristics that these cute, adorable, and sometimes irritating characters seem to embody in each of their books.  

The Lord has really been dealing with my heart is some major areas lately.  (What areas of the heart on not major?)  It is never fun when the Lord shows you something to work on...or maybe it is for you.  I, however, tend to sway towards the perfectionist side of things so it is hard for me when something is shown to me that I am not that great at well, being perfect at.  Even as I type these words I feel pride rising in me telling me to just delete that sentence.  Two areas of my life that the Lord is dealing with me in are Pride and Unbelief.  Can I just say these two areas are a little hard to swallow and at times to deal with.  I have literally tried to avoid it at times and take a nap instead of facing the Lord with it.  I know, that is sad.  So many things have been showed to me lately about how little I believe the Lord.  Sure, I believe in Him...but trusting him, that is another issue in itself.  How badly I wish that I could just say, "Here, Lord take (insert my problems here...)" and not worry about it.  Thing thing is I AM ABLE TO.  The Lord takes our burdens and carries them for us, yet I am constantly choosing to be little miss. control freak and little miss. unbelief instead of trusting him with some major issues in my life.  It is amazing to me, after everything he has brought me through, that I have even one ounce of disbelief.   that i am even afraid he will not come through with something I feel he has promised me is absurd.  I am so encompassed with my own disbelief that I tend to question the truth on a regular basis.  This has been brought to the light by the Lord, and it seriously just makes me sick.  How much I wish that I just believed him and did not question a thing in my life.  Instead I question most things, and try to take it in my own hands instead of trusting Him to take it for me.  I am immersed in this life of unbelief. 

I am constantly reminded of this as well.  Can I just tell you that when you ask the Lord to break of you of something, he will surely do it.  It may not be the way that you wanted him to break you, but nevertheless, he will do it.  I have been overwhelmed by the Lord showing me thing after thing that I do and say, that does not necessarily line up with what I say that I believe.  There are many ways in which he has shown me this- first it started out subtle, now it has become overtly obvious.  I have noticed how I will encourage my students in different ways and really believe what I am saying for their lives and really believe that the Lord can do that for them, but do not believe that the Lord could do that in my own life.  I notice how am half-hearted in prayer for myself because I do not think it will necessarily get answered.  I do not believe Him with things I feel that He has told me or things that he shown me because I am blinded by my own agenda or by my own hand trying to control things.  The Lord has overwhelmed me with scripture about how the Israelites were constantly begging for the Lord to do more and more, and complaining and wanting to go back to a place that was not good for their lives, that the Lord clearly showed them that they need to leave, but out of some sort of comfort zone that they believed to be there, they wanted to go back to that bondage.  Instead of praising the Lord for the freedom and provision he was bringing into their lives, they were complaining about the bread and being tired and other such things.  This is me...I am constantly going back on what the Lord has asked me to do and asking him, Are you sure this is your plan for me?  Are you sure Lord, because I am sure we could figure something out if this is not your will..."  All that to say, I am a very silly woman.  I am flawed and try to be extremely independent when all I need to be is dependent on the Lord.  I ask the Lord why constantly instead of praising Him for where he has brought me and praying for my future and my present.  I look way ahead in the future and choose to believe the lie that the Lord will never answer my request.  This is a lie. 

"The enemy taunts us with whispers like, You'll never be free.  You've tried a hundred times.  You go back every time.  You're hopeless.  You're weak.  You're a failure.  You don't have what it takes.  Every one of these statements about you is a lie if you are believer in Christ.  You do have what it takes.  You have Jesus- the way, the truth, and the Life.  But you can't just believe in him to be free from your stronghold.  You have to believe Him."

Beth Moore; Praying God's Word

 I have to believe this because that is what His word says.  When I read this passage and some of the verses that I will follow this post up with I was taken aback.  It is always amazing to me how the Lord knows when to hit you right between the eyes.  This unbelief is a tricky little thing too because it is not like I am really wanting to not choose the truth.  I do, but I am constantly believing these lies that are set before me.  Now, have I chased it with truth?  Obviously not because I am still dealing with this.  This is where I have gone wrong...I must chase this unbelief away with what the truth is and what the truth says.  

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to go must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Hebrews 11:10

For some reason, one I don't quite know yet, the Lord has been showing me a lot about Moses. I have even had someone tell me that I am a Moses of my day....in which after the Lord has been showing me SO much that has to do with Moses and the Israelites.  (Again, my fear of man is coming out a bit on sharing this with the blogging community- all five of you that read this- because I am afraid that someone will think I am trying to brag, or I am just being, well I don't know...but it just scares me a bit to share that.)  Now why...again, not quite sure, other than the whole disbelief thing...but here are some verses with that too:

"By faith Moses, when he  was born was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king's edict.  By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the song of Pharaoh's daughter, choose rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.  He considered reproach of Christ greater wealth than treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.  By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible.  By faith he kept the Passover and sprinkled blood, so that the Destroyer of the firstborn might touch them.  By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as if on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drown."

Hebrews 11:23-29

The Lord is faithful.  The Lord is good.  The Lord gives us strength in Him, and wants me.  Little, obsessive-compulsive, messy apartment, impatient, constantly complaining and questioning me.  :)  And he wants you too.  We just have to be able to believe HIM.

We act out what we believe.  Not what we know.

Vickie Arruda

Whew, and with that, I am done for the night.  God is good...and he is continuing to show me how great he actually his.  I am out for his renown and my heart aches for him.

Love you guys...

I'm sooo excited, and I just can't hide it!!!!!!!

Disclaimer- Evidently I still do not know how to post pictures and write so the pictures come first on this post!  Sorry.  Here are some pics from the Cheer banquet-

the charm bracelet my kids got me:)My gIRLS!

One of my girls, Haley and I!
Lacey and I!  I think she is more peppy than I am!! 
Erin and I!! 

The coaches...a little blurry:)

A few updates...and I am not going to lie it may sound like I am bragging a bit, but I am just excited!

(This will probably be a little out of order!)

1.  I received an email tonight being asked to come speak at the AISD Career Expo due to me being recommended by my principal as an "exceptional first year teacher"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!! I AM SOOO EXCITED I CAN BARELY STAND IT!  I totally did a little dance around my apartment today!!!!!  I am not trying to brag...its just stuff like this has always been my dream so I just am super excited!  :)  I'll let you know what happens with all of that!  

2.  We had a cheer banquet this past weekend and I am just so proud of my girls!  I have really enjoyed watching them grow not only as cheerleaders but as young women!  I will be coaching JV next year so I get to move up with these girls.  I am very excited:)  *the pictures are above*

3. The Lord is showing me a lot of cool things right now.  I will write more about that later...it is some stuff I am still working through.

All in all everything is going good!  It is late and I will post again soon.  Just wanted to catch you up!  LOVE YOU GUYS! 

A face lift...if you will :)

I will post soon... I am trying to figure out something new with this blog.  So much has changed since I first started blogging so I thought I would change my blog up a bit!

more to come!  L.O.V.E Y.O.U. allllll!! 

 

I leave you with a picture...more to come SOON!