Comparsion. It is something that is so easy to do and something that I tend to do quite frequently. I think most people could probably admit that they sometimes play the game of comparsion. If you are not a person who compares your life to others then I applaud you. I do not think that we mean to do it, but I do believe that it happens and it can be a killer of the joy that the Lord has for us.
I have not written in a very long time. Half of that is because I have been so busy and not made time and the other half is because I have been struggling with who I actually want reading this blog. I have a bit of a fear of man issue that the Lord seems to keep pointing out this year (especially this year when I did not think I could get any worse at it) and with that I have not been writing. I love to write. Even this silly blog helps me think and vent. Not vent where I am talking negatively about others, but helps me put what I am thinking somewhere. It is almost therapy. I like to get on here after I journal to the Lord and it helps me think through what I have just written. I say all this because for some reason it has been a struggle to even get on here and write. This is silly. As I am writing this I want you to know I will be coming back to the question of who do we think God is? How are we viewing God right now (aka- how am I viewing God right now)?
I have always been very wary of "preaching" to people. I have come from a sweet family that has been burned many times by people "preaching" at them instead of loving on them as Christ loves the church. I have always been very wary of people who choose to judge and are seemingly self-righteous and like to show to others that they are the most amazing Christians around. It gets under my skin like no other thing because I believe that turns people away from Jesus. In a culture where we need Jesus more than anything- why would you choose to be like that to perpetuate the problem? Why would you choose to show Jesus as someone who is not loving, is not forgiving, and is judgemental and harsh? Does it say in the Bible that God is a just judge and he will judge the sins of others? Yes. But does God tell us to be go out and tell everyone how horrible they are-- or even better- make people feel horrible because they are not living like you are (since it is important for everyone to be like us {sarcasm})? I do not believe so. Do not get me wrong- I think that there are those who are chosen to live a life where they do call people out on a regular basis, but I truly believe that those who are called to such big things are not self-righteous but are rather constantly submissive to God and what he calls them to say to others. I do not believe that they come up with their own sermons or words. If it is not from God I do not believe it should be said to others as from the word of God.
This year has been a great year of change. It seems to me that the past 7 years have been that way for me. I could probably go back in my blog and see such things that are present. I have had a few broken-hearted times. What I have found is that the Lord has used that time so much. He has drawn me closer to Him and showed me and revealed things in me that I do not believe that I would have seen if I had not gone through hard times. Lately, I have been praying that the Lord calm my heart. I have always been one who stresses. If you known me well at all, you know that is what I do. I do not think it is OK or right that I stress, but alas, I do it frequently. I have had some challenges this year. The Lord was gracious enough to bring someone in to take Cheerleading from me. Coaching Cheerleading, career wise, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I dealt with parents who constantly saw me as a road block to their child's success, ran a rather large program, dealt with high school girls (enough said there) and was in charge of people who were my same age, and sometimes older. It was an interesting spot to be in. So, when I found out that my WONDERFUL principal had hired someone on to take cheerleading from me, tears were the only reaction I have. Relief. Gratitude. and a question of what is next for me?
What I have found this year is that I have had a few words that have defined me. coach. cheerleading. single. What is also true about those words is that they are no longer my titles or fields in which I am operating under. Now I operate under the words of English teacher. wife. homemaker. Ib teacher. Can I just tell you that I do not feel that I am good at any of these quite yet. Do I love my babies at school and hope and worry over whether I am teaching them and loving them like I need to? yes. Do I love my husband? Of course. But do I think that I measure up to all the qualities that a wife should be? But I guess what I am getting at is I am not measuring up when it comes to the game of comparison. I think instead of looking to my spiritual calling of a wife (which I truly do try to reach as much as possible on a daily basis, even though at times it seems impossible for this sinful, selfish human being), I look at others. I am going to be real with you- I hate to cook most nights. I have no interest. When people start to talk about recipes, I just don't have any interest. Some might find this selfish. I have even asked myself that question. Am I being selfish? Bottom line is I will learn to cook well. I will cook and do cook because I know that that is something that my husband likes me to do. But it is not something that I find joy in. And maybe I should. As I write this I realize I should find joy in cooking for those I love, but I just am not a fan of cooking. This is all to say that many of the "wifely duties" that so many woman say that we are called to are hard for me. I have lived on my own for almost 6 years before I married Josh. I think Elise (my constant source of encouragement and also rebuke if it is needed;)) told me about 8 times I needed a roommate to help sanctify me. Now I am being constantly sanctified by my husband- which is the constant reminder of how much I need Jesus every day. My question is- why is the game of comparsion so prevalent in my life? Why do I constantly look at others and wonder why am I not that person or why did my life not end up that way? I am where I am for a reason. God put me here. I firmly believe that, even on days that I question that. God had me have a broken engagement, hard relationships, and other such things and has had me seek him through all of those things. Why is it that I must try to put myself into this mold that people think I need to be in.
The good, the bad, and the ugly is unto Him in my life. The eb and flow in life is unto Him. Hard times are inevitable and most times we can choose for them to define us. OR, we can choose for the Lord to define us. I have always felt a little different. I have felt that the Lord does have big plans for me, but I have never known what that will look like or how he could even use me. The Lord has been challenging me in this this year. The Lord has many purposes for each of his children and they will not all look the same. And I venture to say- THAT IS OK. I think the first thing is for me to accept this and acknowledge this and to live by this. Actually, I think the first thing is to get in the word, and the second thing is above. Thirdly, I think it is important to hear from others, but not to let what they think define my life. God defines my life. I believe God has put people in my life to walk through life with me, call me out, love on me, but I also believe that there are those who believe that is their roll when it is simply not. I desire not to fall into the trap of making my life what someone else wants it to be. If I do fall into the pattern of what someone "thinks I should be" rather than what God has called me to, what kind of life is that? Rather, I want to live a life that is pleasing to God and is faithful to Him. I desire to live a life pleasing to God. I do not desire to compare myself to others for the rest of my life. Comparsion...let us not let it rob us of joy, but let us see it for the sin that it is, call it out and rely on Christ to change us, mold us and love us into the people he desires us to be for him.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Changes.
I am in a time of change. I am about to get married, hoping for some changes at work, we are purchasing our first home, and I am about to move in with a boy. Needless to say that in times of change I have found myself to feel a little out of control. I find myself to be emotionally drained and excited all at the same time. This is a weird mix for me. Everything I have waited for is finally happening and instead of welcoming it with opening arms, I am finding myself to be overwhelmed with all the change. Irony of ironies. I am finding myself having to trust Jesus more and more. It is funny because when you think you are done with a phase of life and feel you have grown so much from that particular phase in life, you find you are actually not that far removed from it. I find that all this "patient" waiting (let's be honest... I am not patient) has only brought me to more waiting. I am in a pattern of waiting on decisions that are outside my control to bring me to my next phase of life. The only constants that I have right now is that I know I have a job next year, I am getting married in June, and I will probably be closing on a house in May. One would look at this and say, well, that is really good, Ash. I look at it and say, oh Man, I really need to trust the Lord right now because there is a lot out of my control.
One thing I am not good at is dealing with things that are out of my control. I am list maker and follower of the list. I like to be planned, and have a plan. The Lord has given me a man that plans, yet also leaves wiggle-room. I am not a wiggle-room kind of gal. I like a set plan, a set routine, and I like to know any possible situations that may happen so that I can be prepared for them when they come. This season of my life has not really warranted that. I have had to wait. The Lord has now brought me my man, but now I am waiting on life decisions to happen. Life decisions that will affect the way we live and do life (such as the Lord providing a job for Josh, things at my work changing, the house working out, etc.). I have been very anxious and stressed out because of these "unknowns" in my life. I have been trying to trust the Lord in everything that is going. It is always a lesson in grace when you realize how much you rely on yourself instead of the Lord. Even the days that I am intently trying to focus on the Lord and the fact that he has my back, I find myself relying on myself instead. I read a devotional called "Jesus Calling". Every morning during this process the Lord has hit me between the eyes with this devotional. I personally love when he calls me out like this. I love being engaged by our sweet Jesus. He gets my attention when He does this. Today it said "do not search for security". Let me share the first part of this with you- "Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control in your life. (ahem, Ashley). If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become." Can I hear and Amen and Selah. Between work, planning a wedding, buying a house, and worrying about future things I have made a lot of lists. I have chosen to worry, make lists, and most of all, take control of all situations going on.
It goes on to say, "There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My presence with you. This continual contact with Me will keep you in My peace. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My presence)." This last sentence has been brought to my attention NUMEROUS times in the past few weeks. I believe the Lord is trying to lead me to just trust him. Trust him even though Josh does not have a job yet, trust him even though things at work might be in flux, trust him when wedding planning is overwhelming, trust him in buying a house, trust him in switching churches, just trust him. "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 I know the things I am stressing out about may not seem to be something that is big, and maybe in the grand scheme of things they are not. But what I am realizing is if they do take the focus off the Lord, then they are big things.
So, right now, I am in a time of flux. A time that could easily throw one into a tizzy over things that are out of one's control. In this time, I must trust Jesus. My dad said something to me this weekend that has made me think. He said, "Ashley, you have to trust that good things come to people who work hard and do the right thing". I don't know if I completely agree with that statement, however I do think there is some validity to it. I think that if those who trust in the Lord and go on and do what the Lord has called them to do, the Lord will take care of them. The Lord promises to take care of his children. If I would recognize the power of that promise, I think I would really realize worrying and stressing about all of these unknowns is doing nothing but taking away from the power of what today may hold, of what the Lord may want me to do today. So, here is to hoping that in the next month and half before our wedding and when there are many unknowns, that although I must have some plans in the works, that I trust Jesus in every move I make and every thing that happens "I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen."
One thing I am not good at is dealing with things that are out of my control. I am list maker and follower of the list. I like to be planned, and have a plan. The Lord has given me a man that plans, yet also leaves wiggle-room. I am not a wiggle-room kind of gal. I like a set plan, a set routine, and I like to know any possible situations that may happen so that I can be prepared for them when they come. This season of my life has not really warranted that. I have had to wait. The Lord has now brought me my man, but now I am waiting on life decisions to happen. Life decisions that will affect the way we live and do life (such as the Lord providing a job for Josh, things at my work changing, the house working out, etc.). I have been very anxious and stressed out because of these "unknowns" in my life. I have been trying to trust the Lord in everything that is going. It is always a lesson in grace when you realize how much you rely on yourself instead of the Lord. Even the days that I am intently trying to focus on the Lord and the fact that he has my back, I find myself relying on myself instead. I read a devotional called "Jesus Calling". Every morning during this process the Lord has hit me between the eyes with this devotional. I personally love when he calls me out like this. I love being engaged by our sweet Jesus. He gets my attention when He does this. Today it said "do not search for security". Let me share the first part of this with you- "Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control in your life. (ahem, Ashley). If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become." Can I hear and Amen and Selah. Between work, planning a wedding, buying a house, and worrying about future things I have made a lot of lists. I have chosen to worry, make lists, and most of all, take control of all situations going on.
It goes on to say, "There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My presence with you. This continual contact with Me will keep you in My peace. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My presence)." This last sentence has been brought to my attention NUMEROUS times in the past few weeks. I believe the Lord is trying to lead me to just trust him. Trust him even though Josh does not have a job yet, trust him even though things at work might be in flux, trust him when wedding planning is overwhelming, trust him in buying a house, trust him in switching churches, just trust him. "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 I know the things I am stressing out about may not seem to be something that is big, and maybe in the grand scheme of things they are not. But what I am realizing is if they do take the focus off the Lord, then they are big things.
So, right now, I am in a time of flux. A time that could easily throw one into a tizzy over things that are out of one's control. In this time, I must trust Jesus. My dad said something to me this weekend that has made me think. He said, "Ashley, you have to trust that good things come to people who work hard and do the right thing". I don't know if I completely agree with that statement, however I do think there is some validity to it. I think that if those who trust in the Lord and go on and do what the Lord has called them to do, the Lord will take care of them. The Lord promises to take care of his children. If I would recognize the power of that promise, I think I would really realize worrying and stressing about all of these unknowns is doing nothing but taking away from the power of what today may hold, of what the Lord may want me to do today. So, here is to hoping that in the next month and half before our wedding and when there are many unknowns, that although I must have some plans in the works, that I trust Jesus in every move I make and every thing that happens "I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen."
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Reflection
Growing in the Lord can often times be uncomfortable and stretching. Although it something that you definitely want in your life,I believe the closer you get to him and how gracious of a King he is, you see many more sinful parts to your life. I am talking about the legalistic view of what is right versus wrong in your life, but rather you see parts of your heart that need major reconstruction.
This past year (looking back from last year at this exact time) has been a major growth year. At times it has been EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and hard. I felt at times I was left alone by the Lord and did not know why he had brought me to certain places in my life. Looking back over the course of the year from where he has brought me to now, I have to say I am very thankful. I believe every experience he brings in my life does have a major purpose for forming me and making me into someone who is more like Him. I not even close to being compared to Jesus, so don't think that is what I am saying. What I am saying is that I think he brings us through certain trials and maybe even heartaches (I feel this in my case) to bring us out on the other side to say, Look sweet child what I have had for you all along!? Why can't you just trust me?'. I know this quote may be used often, but I think it is so true. C.S. Lewis said, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." Often times, we get so caught up in what we want, what we could have, what we think we deserve that we don't look at where God has placed us, individually. Obviously my walk, nor my life is going to be the same as my friends. I may love what they have and think that is amazing for them, but if I covet that and desire that for my life, what does that say about my thankfulness for what the Lord has given me?
I have constantly been a person that looks at others lives and think, wow, that is really great that they have all of that... I wonder when that will happen for me. I am being extremely honest here. I can call it many different things, but when it boils down to it I have an extreme amount of pride, sometimes even manifesting itself as thwarted pride, which makes me think I deserve certain things. As I get closer and closer to the Lord, I realize I don't really deserve anything. The freeing part about this is it just makes you see how gracious and loving our sweet Jesus is. He desired me when he knew I would be a half-hearted creature. He knew he would reveal himself to me, and that I would still want to go play in the mud at times. He knew he would bring me out of things that could possibly cause me pain and heartache that were maybe just not right for me, and that I would fight him tooth and nail over it. He knew he would take me on a journey and that even when I am angry at where I might be, that He loves me just the same and desires me to see Him in all his glory. I amazed today at the journey of this past year. I went through some heartache and through that heartache he has brought me to another place all together. I feel he is still pressing on my heart daily, and showing me my sinful heart. And the funny thing is, I really believe as you get closer to the Lord, you just see your heart for what it is--wayward. And you are JOYFUL for how GRACIOUS Jesus is. You don't become down on yourself for messing that thing up (well maybe sometimes you do...) but rather you see that there is unlimited grace offered for you at the Cross and he has died in your place for all your sins. He loves you. like crazy loves you.
How great is a God that loves you so much. Oh, to know him more.
This past year (looking back from last year at this exact time) has been a major growth year. At times it has been EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and hard. I felt at times I was left alone by the Lord and did not know why he had brought me to certain places in my life. Looking back over the course of the year from where he has brought me to now, I have to say I am very thankful. I believe every experience he brings in my life does have a major purpose for forming me and making me into someone who is more like Him. I not even close to being compared to Jesus, so don't think that is what I am saying. What I am saying is that I think he brings us through certain trials and maybe even heartaches (I feel this in my case) to bring us out on the other side to say, Look sweet child what I have had for you all along!? Why can't you just trust me?'. I know this quote may be used often, but I think it is so true. C.S. Lewis said, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." Often times, we get so caught up in what we want, what we could have, what we think we deserve that we don't look at where God has placed us, individually. Obviously my walk, nor my life is going to be the same as my friends. I may love what they have and think that is amazing for them, but if I covet that and desire that for my life, what does that say about my thankfulness for what the Lord has given me?
I have constantly been a person that looks at others lives and think, wow, that is really great that they have all of that... I wonder when that will happen for me. I am being extremely honest here. I can call it many different things, but when it boils down to it I have an extreme amount of pride, sometimes even manifesting itself as thwarted pride, which makes me think I deserve certain things. As I get closer and closer to the Lord, I realize I don't really deserve anything. The freeing part about this is it just makes you see how gracious and loving our sweet Jesus is. He desired me when he knew I would be a half-hearted creature. He knew he would reveal himself to me, and that I would still want to go play in the mud at times. He knew he would bring me out of things that could possibly cause me pain and heartache that were maybe just not right for me, and that I would fight him tooth and nail over it. He knew he would take me on a journey and that even when I am angry at where I might be, that He loves me just the same and desires me to see Him in all his glory. I amazed today at the journey of this past year. I went through some heartache and through that heartache he has brought me to another place all together. I feel he is still pressing on my heart daily, and showing me my sinful heart. And the funny thing is, I really believe as you get closer to the Lord, you just see your heart for what it is--wayward. And you are JOYFUL for how GRACIOUS Jesus is. You don't become down on yourself for messing that thing up (well maybe sometimes you do...) but rather you see that there is unlimited grace offered for you at the Cross and he has died in your place for all your sins. He loves you. like crazy loves you.
How great is a God that loves you so much. Oh, to know him more.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Balance
"We grow up when we see our lives from God's perspective; when we thank God for the role he has assigned to us and begin to see our cup as a gift instead of a cross; when each morning we ask, "God, how can I glorify You today in my given role?".
This quote is from a book I am reading called, "Calm my anxious heart" by Linda Dillow. Here lately, I find myself getting frustrated at all the roles I have to play. At how much is expected of me at work, and how much physically, mentally and emotionally that takes out of me. I find myself comparing myself to others and not necessarily wishing for what they are doing, but in a way coveting what I perceive to be "free time". That "free time" I seem to so want is probably to them just as busy as what my life may be perceived as. This morning I was reading and I read the above excerpt, as well as "To much is given, much is required". How true that is. In fact, I teared up a bit when reading this. Maybe that might not be that crazy since I can be an emotional woman, but here lately I have been trying to hold it together. Take it one day at a time, as many people tell me. This year we only have a conference (a break in the day where we can call parents, input grades, grade papers, work on any cheer stuff I have, etc.) every other day. Due to this, most of my school meetings are now before or after school, which takes any extra energy out of you that you may have possessed before the meeting. I have started to see sides of myself and others that are not the most pleasant. I long for the days when we had a conference everyday. I get frustrated and overwhelmed. My brain is fried, and I feel like I am constantly working. Trust me, I am not saying this in a complaing tone, although it may come off as that since this is not face-to-face conversation. Rather, I am telling you, I am having a hard time balancing when to stop working and take time for myself. I am in the word, but not as much as I would like to be. I think all the time, Ash, everything will only fall into place if you are in the word FIRST. I am playing the comparison game more often and being oober-critical of myself in everything, and especially the things I have struggled with most in the past. (Go figure since I just wrote a blog about that).
All that to say, what I am trying to find right now is balance. I have been a horrible friend, but I have to purposefully p;an a time when I can call my friends. Last week I fell asleep at 8:30 and also took a nap at 6 that night. I don't do that usually unless I am sick. I know I am not the only one feeling this way, because in talking to my colleagues they are feeling the same way. I can't imagine having babies and a husband right now and trying to balance all that without going insane. This week my good friend at school came in and said, "Ash, what are you doing!?" To which I replied, "Planning and color-coding my planner, silly!". To which he then told me that I was planning in a 2010 calendar. ha, depressing and also tells you my brain is a bit tired. Even in all this, I do know this is where the Lord has placed me and where he wants me--crazy schedule and all. Right now I am just being very convicted in being more positive and being more content with where I am right now. Not playing the people-pleasing game, the complaing game, the wish I had her job game, but rather having the, "Thank you, Lord for what you have blessed me with" posture. I can say there are lots of issues that this is hard for me- my type A personality, my perfectionism, my desire for the kids to succeed even if they don't want to, my people-pleasing....but what it all boils down to are sin issues I am not dealing with or refusing to see. That is always fun when the Lord points that out.
My last point is- where is my focus? Is it on Eternity and what the Lord wants for my life, or on ME? I so often make this world all about me and my wants and desires instead of who He is and what He desires for my life and for those around me. Instead of focusing on how I can minister to those around me and pour myself more into the Lord and the Lord's purpose for myself, I play the woe is me card. I don;t even mean to do it sometimes...I just get so frustrated and tired. I think there is a balance in life, and one must get rest and take care of oneself (hello Sabbath) but there is also the HUGE part where I must recognize that this world is not about me, but rather about my one true love, Jesus.
"If we want to be women of contentment, we must choose to accept our portion, our assigned roles from God. We must make the choice to dwell on the positive aspects of our role in life. If we don;t, we'll be discontent, always wanting something different from what we have been given."
Here's to restoration and contentment...
This quote is from a book I am reading called, "Calm my anxious heart" by Linda Dillow. Here lately, I find myself getting frustrated at all the roles I have to play. At how much is expected of me at work, and how much physically, mentally and emotionally that takes out of me. I find myself comparing myself to others and not necessarily wishing for what they are doing, but in a way coveting what I perceive to be "free time". That "free time" I seem to so want is probably to them just as busy as what my life may be perceived as. This morning I was reading and I read the above excerpt, as well as "To much is given, much is required". How true that is. In fact, I teared up a bit when reading this. Maybe that might not be that crazy since I can be an emotional woman, but here lately I have been trying to hold it together. Take it one day at a time, as many people tell me. This year we only have a conference (a break in the day where we can call parents, input grades, grade papers, work on any cheer stuff I have, etc.) every other day. Due to this, most of my school meetings are now before or after school, which takes any extra energy out of you that you may have possessed before the meeting. I have started to see sides of myself and others that are not the most pleasant. I long for the days when we had a conference everyday. I get frustrated and overwhelmed. My brain is fried, and I feel like I am constantly working. Trust me, I am not saying this in a complaing tone, although it may come off as that since this is not face-to-face conversation. Rather, I am telling you, I am having a hard time balancing when to stop working and take time for myself. I am in the word, but not as much as I would like to be. I think all the time, Ash, everything will only fall into place if you are in the word FIRST. I am playing the comparison game more often and being oober-critical of myself in everything, and especially the things I have struggled with most in the past. (Go figure since I just wrote a blog about that).
All that to say, what I am trying to find right now is balance. I have been a horrible friend, but I have to purposefully p;an a time when I can call my friends. Last week I fell asleep at 8:30 and also took a nap at 6 that night. I don't do that usually unless I am sick. I know I am not the only one feeling this way, because in talking to my colleagues they are feeling the same way. I can't imagine having babies and a husband right now and trying to balance all that without going insane. This week my good friend at school came in and said, "Ash, what are you doing!?" To which I replied, "Planning and color-coding my planner, silly!". To which he then told me that I was planning in a 2010 calendar. ha, depressing and also tells you my brain is a bit tired. Even in all this, I do know this is where the Lord has placed me and where he wants me--crazy schedule and all. Right now I am just being very convicted in being more positive and being more content with where I am right now. Not playing the people-pleasing game, the complaing game, the wish I had her job game, but rather having the, "Thank you, Lord for what you have blessed me with" posture. I can say there are lots of issues that this is hard for me- my type A personality, my perfectionism, my desire for the kids to succeed even if they don't want to, my people-pleasing....but what it all boils down to are sin issues I am not dealing with or refusing to see. That is always fun when the Lord points that out.
My last point is- where is my focus? Is it on Eternity and what the Lord wants for my life, or on ME? I so often make this world all about me and my wants and desires instead of who He is and what He desires for my life and for those around me. Instead of focusing on how I can minister to those around me and pour myself more into the Lord and the Lord's purpose for myself, I play the woe is me card. I don;t even mean to do it sometimes...I just get so frustrated and tired. I think there is a balance in life, and one must get rest and take care of oneself (hello Sabbath) but there is also the HUGE part where I must recognize that this world is not about me, but rather about my one true love, Jesus.
"If we want to be women of contentment, we must choose to accept our portion, our assigned roles from God. We must make the choice to dwell on the positive aspects of our role in life. If we don;t, we'll be discontent, always wanting something different from what we have been given."
Here's to restoration and contentment...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Blush
I got asked to contribute to a blog called Blush. Blush is a conference that I spoke at months back. This is probably the most raw I have been in a blog. Autumn, the founder of Blush, asked me to share my story with her readers. She asked me to post it on my facebook page, and I have decided just to retweet her tweet about my blog and put it on here. As much as I would like to say fear of man never has a hold on me, I still think it is a little hard to share your whole self with others.
So, that being said, here is the blog that I wrote. :)
So, that being said, here is the blog that I wrote. :)
Friday, July 15, 2011
Jaded Beauty
As woman, we all have that tendency to pick ourselves apart. Although some women might be more forthcoming with what they see wrong with themselves, I still believe most women, if not all, scrutinize about the way the look, feel, or may be perceived. Some women may mask this with overconfidence, wearing clothes that show off their figures, or buying things that make them feel better. Others might completely obliterate any good qualities that can be perceived from others because they have such a low view of the beauty of who they are. I tend to be on the pendulum that swings from one extreme to the other.
Jaded beauty these days is much of what we look like, how we are perceived and even more so, what we want to be perceived as. Do you want to be perceived as someone who does not care what people think, or do you want to make sure everyone takes notice of you and who you are? The thing is, I think we all long to be known as women. We long for someone to come along, take notice and not only be drawn to us, but rather be CAPTIVATED by us. We do not want them to just see our outward beauty and be taken by that (even though that is nice to think about) but we want them to notice all of us. We long for someone to see our quirks and love us just the same as they did before they found out about them. When thinking about the word "jaded" I start to think about where we have gone wrong in deciding what makes someone beautiful. We don't necessarily look at unique qualities within a woman, but rather compare them to ourselves and think what we might do to make ourselves better or more desirable than the next. We play the "comparison game" rather than looking at ourselves and working on inward beauty.
I know that when I see someone who is physically more fit than I am or skinnier, has that amazing body we may all covet, I struggle with comparison and then try to come up with a plan to be the next Victoria Secret beauty. I don't want to be ordinary, but rather extraordinary. I want others to think I am the best....aww, jaded beauty. Jaded beauty can also be looked at as pride. Thwarted pride or just all out "I am the best looking woman in here" kind of pride...either way, we are all jaded. We don't try to make our inward beauty shine because we are too worried about what others may think, or how we feel our bodies look that day, or what size we used to be, or that blemish that ever-so-suddenly appeared on our face when we have something really big we need to look GREAT for that particular day. We scrutinize over how we can do better and look better and how today will be different and we will feel differently tomorrow if we just do something different tomorrow (make ourselves better).
I would wager to say Jaded beauty is not something new that has just happened in this century. Sure, we have a new definition of beauty than they had in the 19th century, but have we really changed our thinking over how to be beautiful? I don't think so. Yes, we may have sky-high ads of the "perfect" Jenn Anniston drinking her smart water with her long luscious hair that makes us feel a bit down on that extra cupcake we indulged in today, or not working out in a week. But do you not think that they may have had beauty standards back in the day that were similar, just maybe not posted on billboards?! (And don't get me wrong, I love me some Jennifer Anniston...just saying the girl looks great in all ads BUT it is posted everywhere ya look). I guess what I am getting at here is honestly, until I start looking at what is inside me and what the Lord has made me to be,do I honestly get closer to the "beauty" model that I am supposed to be longing after. I still struggle with it on a daily basis, and probably more like an hourly basis on a bad day, thinking about how I look, how i am perceived and other such things that are really not important to my quality of life in the long run. However, it is still there... the way you fix that is finding your worth in something that is not of you. I honestly do not think there is a way to find worth unless you are looking at the Creator who made you. He knows every hair on your head and made you unique for a reason. We all have a purpose for being here, and in that, I think we should rejoice. He has made us unique. He didn't make us all look the same, act the same, or have the same figure, because (as I think of it) it would be BORING. What is unique about everyone being the same?? So, why do we long for that on such a constant basis?
Maybe, you are different. Maybe you don't really struggle with the whole beauty issue. That is AWESOME if that is so. But, for me, I must say I struggle with this very frequently and the only way I find solace in this situation is by realizing that the Lord did not call me to be a size 2 for my life mission. He called me to "work with willing hands, have a heart that people can trust in, dresses herself with strength, opens her hands to be poor and reaches out her hands to the needy, strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at days to come, opens her mouth up with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue, she does not participate in idleness and most of all she remembers CHARM IS DECEITFUL AND BEAUTY IS VAIN BUT A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED." (paraphrased a bit...from Proverbs 31).
Oh, to be that woman.
Love you all!
Jaded beauty these days is much of what we look like, how we are perceived and even more so, what we want to be perceived as. Do you want to be perceived as someone who does not care what people think, or do you want to make sure everyone takes notice of you and who you are? The thing is, I think we all long to be known as women. We long for someone to come along, take notice and not only be drawn to us, but rather be CAPTIVATED by us. We do not want them to just see our outward beauty and be taken by that (even though that is nice to think about) but we want them to notice all of us. We long for someone to see our quirks and love us just the same as they did before they found out about them. When thinking about the word "jaded" I start to think about where we have gone wrong in deciding what makes someone beautiful. We don't necessarily look at unique qualities within a woman, but rather compare them to ourselves and think what we might do to make ourselves better or more desirable than the next. We play the "comparison game" rather than looking at ourselves and working on inward beauty.
I know that when I see someone who is physically more fit than I am or skinnier, has that amazing body we may all covet, I struggle with comparison and then try to come up with a plan to be the next Victoria Secret beauty. I don't want to be ordinary, but rather extraordinary. I want others to think I am the best....aww, jaded beauty. Jaded beauty can also be looked at as pride. Thwarted pride or just all out "I am the best looking woman in here" kind of pride...either way, we are all jaded. We don't try to make our inward beauty shine because we are too worried about what others may think, or how we feel our bodies look that day, or what size we used to be, or that blemish that ever-so-suddenly appeared on our face when we have something really big we need to look GREAT for that particular day. We scrutinize over how we can do better and look better and how today will be different and we will feel differently tomorrow if we just do something different tomorrow (make ourselves better).
I would wager to say Jaded beauty is not something new that has just happened in this century. Sure, we have a new definition of beauty than they had in the 19th century, but have we really changed our thinking over how to be beautiful? I don't think so. Yes, we may have sky-high ads of the "perfect" Jenn Anniston drinking her smart water with her long luscious hair that makes us feel a bit down on that extra cupcake we indulged in today, or not working out in a week. But do you not think that they may have had beauty standards back in the day that were similar, just maybe not posted on billboards?! (And don't get me wrong, I love me some Jennifer Anniston...just saying the girl looks great in all ads BUT it is posted everywhere ya look). I guess what I am getting at here is honestly, until I start looking at what is inside me and what the Lord has made me to be,do I honestly get closer to the "beauty" model that I am supposed to be longing after. I still struggle with it on a daily basis, and probably more like an hourly basis on a bad day, thinking about how I look, how i am perceived and other such things that are really not important to my quality of life in the long run. However, it is still there... the way you fix that is finding your worth in something that is not of you. I honestly do not think there is a way to find worth unless you are looking at the Creator who made you. He knows every hair on your head and made you unique for a reason. We all have a purpose for being here, and in that, I think we should rejoice. He has made us unique. He didn't make us all look the same, act the same, or have the same figure, because (as I think of it) it would be BORING. What is unique about everyone being the same?? So, why do we long for that on such a constant basis?
Maybe, you are different. Maybe you don't really struggle with the whole beauty issue. That is AWESOME if that is so. But, for me, I must say I struggle with this very frequently and the only way I find solace in this situation is by realizing that the Lord did not call me to be a size 2 for my life mission. He called me to "work with willing hands, have a heart that people can trust in, dresses herself with strength, opens her hands to be poor and reaches out her hands to the needy, strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at days to come, opens her mouth up with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue, she does not participate in idleness and most of all she remembers CHARM IS DECEITFUL AND BEAUTY IS VAIN BUT A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED." (paraphrased a bit...from Proverbs 31).
Oh, to be that woman.
Love you all!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
"Kep" Keplinger...how I miss him SO.
There are many times in life where we are faced with hard things. I believe as you get older, you tend to experience these more so than when you did when you were younger. At least, I think that it may hit you a bit harder because you are older and understand it more thoroughly than you might have at a younger age. Monday, the 27th, on my grandparents 57th wedding anniversary, my Papa left this Earth to be with my heavenly Father. I don't really have much to write in this post, because most of it is below. This is what I had the privilege of saying about my Papa, who meant and still means, so very much to me, at his funeral. I thought it would be cool for my friends to get to read how awesome of a man he was. So here, sweet friends, is a blog dedicated solely to my sweet Papa- "Kep" Keplinger. :)
Hello, my name is Ashley Keplinger and I am the second oldest grandchild of my sweet Papa, Kep.
There are a lot of things that I could tell you that were funny about my Papa and I’s relationship. Perhaps, I could tell you how I never really knew his name was not “Kep Keplinger” until this past year. I know a 25 year old should know that, but I just thought his parents did not feel like being creative and wanted everyone to remember his name. I never knew that he just was not too fond of his first name, so he went by Kep. I could tell you that he always had a witty joke to offer when you were down, and could make light of any situation, and then in turn tell you how it would be okay and to have HOPE that things would turn out okay- to believe that things would work out because God had his best in mind for you. I could tell you many funny stories about my Papa, but I think I would rather tell you the most important thing that he left with me. This would be his faith and determination he had in everything he did. I watched my Papa grow more in the Lord the past 10 years than I did in my entire life. I watched him encourage others through extreme adversity and hardships and at all times have a smile on his face and a joke to offer.
“You can’t help but fall in love with him”. A doctor said this about my Papa on the day that Pop decided he was tired of all his treatments. It was interesting to me on the last days he was around how much every doctor and nurse seemed to really be moved by my Papa, and how much emotions and heart were involved in what they were doing. One of the male nurses, Mark, bought a cake that said “Happy 57th Anniversary Mom and Pop” on the last day we were at the hospital. The man that turned off his defibrillator machine, who was obviously close to Papa after 10 years of working with him, teared up when turning off his unit. Some of the doctors and nurses seemed truly surprised when he decided to quit treatments. You see, the thing about my Papa is he was not one to ever give up. In fact, in my entire life I do not think I ever saw him give up on something. And to be honest with you, I do not believe that he gave up the day that he decided he did not want any more evasive treatments, or drugs making his heart pump.
I believe he was ready to go home. Not his house home, but rather home to be with our Sweet Jesus. The day after he decided to be moved to hospice, Romans 8:18 was one of the verses that was found in my devotional. As I read on, I felt the Lord was saying, Look what your Papa gets to encounter! He gets to encounter ME!
Romans 8:18-24 says-
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us. For creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope, that the creation itself will be set free from bondage of decay to obtain the freedom of glory of the children of God. For we know that whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
I believe this passage sums up what the Lord did through my Papa. I truly believe my Papa was a living, breathing example of the gospel being lived out. Although we groan inwardly and ache for what is to come, we wait with HOPE for what is to come. We have HOPE that there is something greater calling us and in the end we will be restored and get to be with Him who made us and loves us so. As my Papa’s body was giving up the past 10 years, my papa “hoped in what he did not see and waited with patience”. What a testimony and what a GREAT gift the Lord gave to my Papa. I believe suffering is allowed so that we can see something greater and get something more out what has been given to us. Although this thorn in his side was given to my Papa, he fought the good fight. So, at this time I know that I grieve for myself, my precious grandma, my family, and his sweet friends, but I know right now my Papa is not grieving. I truly believe he is in a much better place than he was when he was with us. He has fought the good fight and he Won! He with our Lord Jesus Christ in Glory!!!!
In ending this I believe my Papa would share this hymn with you rather than say one more thing about him. He was never one to boast about himself. I would always sing to and with my Papa, so bear with me as I try to do so and leave you with this- “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim. In the light of his glory and grace.”
Thank you.
Love you guys,
Ash
Hello, my name is Ashley Keplinger and I am the second oldest grandchild of my sweet Papa, Kep.
There are a lot of things that I could tell you that were funny about my Papa and I’s relationship. Perhaps, I could tell you how I never really knew his name was not “Kep Keplinger” until this past year. I know a 25 year old should know that, but I just thought his parents did not feel like being creative and wanted everyone to remember his name. I never knew that he just was not too fond of his first name, so he went by Kep. I could tell you that he always had a witty joke to offer when you were down, and could make light of any situation, and then in turn tell you how it would be okay and to have HOPE that things would turn out okay- to believe that things would work out because God had his best in mind for you. I could tell you many funny stories about my Papa, but I think I would rather tell you the most important thing that he left with me. This would be his faith and determination he had in everything he did. I watched my Papa grow more in the Lord the past 10 years than I did in my entire life. I watched him encourage others through extreme adversity and hardships and at all times have a smile on his face and a joke to offer.
“You can’t help but fall in love with him”. A doctor said this about my Papa on the day that Pop decided he was tired of all his treatments. It was interesting to me on the last days he was around how much every doctor and nurse seemed to really be moved by my Papa, and how much emotions and heart were involved in what they were doing. One of the male nurses, Mark, bought a cake that said “Happy 57th Anniversary Mom and Pop” on the last day we were at the hospital. The man that turned off his defibrillator machine, who was obviously close to Papa after 10 years of working with him, teared up when turning off his unit. Some of the doctors and nurses seemed truly surprised when he decided to quit treatments. You see, the thing about my Papa is he was not one to ever give up. In fact, in my entire life I do not think I ever saw him give up on something. And to be honest with you, I do not believe that he gave up the day that he decided he did not want any more evasive treatments, or drugs making his heart pump.
I believe he was ready to go home. Not his house home, but rather home to be with our Sweet Jesus. The day after he decided to be moved to hospice, Romans 8:18 was one of the verses that was found in my devotional. As I read on, I felt the Lord was saying, Look what your Papa gets to encounter! He gets to encounter ME!
Romans 8:18-24 says-
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us. For creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope, that the creation itself will be set free from bondage of decay to obtain the freedom of glory of the children of God. For we know that whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
I believe this passage sums up what the Lord did through my Papa. I truly believe my Papa was a living, breathing example of the gospel being lived out. Although we groan inwardly and ache for what is to come, we wait with HOPE for what is to come. We have HOPE that there is something greater calling us and in the end we will be restored and get to be with Him who made us and loves us so. As my Papa’s body was giving up the past 10 years, my papa “hoped in what he did not see and waited with patience”. What a testimony and what a GREAT gift the Lord gave to my Papa. I believe suffering is allowed so that we can see something greater and get something more out what has been given to us. Although this thorn in his side was given to my Papa, he fought the good fight. So, at this time I know that I grieve for myself, my precious grandma, my family, and his sweet friends, but I know right now my Papa is not grieving. I truly believe he is in a much better place than he was when he was with us. He has fought the good fight and he Won! He with our Lord Jesus Christ in Glory!!!!
In ending this I believe my Papa would share this hymn with you rather than say one more thing about him. He was never one to boast about himself. I would always sing to and with my Papa, so bear with me as I try to do so and leave you with this- “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim. In the light of his glory and grace.”
Thank you.
Love you guys,
Ash
Monday, June 20, 2011
Day 5-To the ONE that makes my heart come alive...
Sweet Jesus,
This last year and half has been something that I have not expected. I did not expect many of the things that happened or came to pass in my life. At first and throughout many of the struggles I was very opposed to them and did not want to accept what was going on in my life. I cried out of help over and over again and there were many tears that were involved in the process. I believe you allowed those tears and hurt so that you could come rescue my heart. You allowed many things to happen in my life this past year so that I could see your Grace and also so you could show me some things that I lacked and needed to learn. You allowed some of my hardest life-lessons and heartbreak this year, but through that you showed up so completely. You showed me more than ever who you are and who you are not. You showed me characteristics of yourself that no one else possesses. You showed me how easy it is for me to look for my worth in worldly things, such as a boyfriend, my work, my kids at school, and image of what I feel I should look like instead of finding them completely in you. You showed me what it is to have a heart that is completely broken but truly only wants what YOU want...not what I want. You showed me a dream can be broken and yet a new one can be built. You showed me that even when someone betrays you as a friend that you are there and can love me so completely when that happens. You have showed me that I must have love for others even when that is the least of what I would like to do. You have showed me there is a line between letting others walk all over me and standing up for myself. You have instilled in me and continue to show me what the fruits of the Spirit are. You continue to show me where I am lacking and how far you have brought me. You continue to show me that I am a work in progress yet you have made me believe you love me the same. You loved me for who I was yesterday and today, not some future version of myself. You finally have allowed my heart to come to a place where I believe this. You have made my heart come alive. You have showed me that I do not need a man in my life for this to happen. You have showed me that ALL I REALLY NEED is YOU. All of the extra things that I have in my life are blessings from you so that I can see and show more of you. You have allowed such growth, even when it was excruciatingly painful. You have allowed those scars to shown, but you have produced fruit from these things. You have brought me to a place where I am finally OK with where I am at. It is not dependent on what is happening around me and my circumstances, but rather on your love and recognizing that you DO NOT CHANGE and will not change. Even when everything around me is crumbling down, you stand strong. For that, Lord, I am thankful. You are the one that has truly made my heart come alive, and for that I am eternally thankful. Thank you for loving me and helping me realize I do not need a husband (or other things I may have made as an idol) to make my heart come alive... I need you.
Love you,
Ashie
This last year and half has been something that I have not expected. I did not expect many of the things that happened or came to pass in my life. At first and throughout many of the struggles I was very opposed to them and did not want to accept what was going on in my life. I cried out of help over and over again and there were many tears that were involved in the process. I believe you allowed those tears and hurt so that you could come rescue my heart. You allowed many things to happen in my life this past year so that I could see your Grace and also so you could show me some things that I lacked and needed to learn. You allowed some of my hardest life-lessons and heartbreak this year, but through that you showed up so completely. You showed me more than ever who you are and who you are not. You showed me characteristics of yourself that no one else possesses. You showed me how easy it is for me to look for my worth in worldly things, such as a boyfriend, my work, my kids at school, and image of what I feel I should look like instead of finding them completely in you. You showed me what it is to have a heart that is completely broken but truly only wants what YOU want...not what I want. You showed me a dream can be broken and yet a new one can be built. You showed me that even when someone betrays you as a friend that you are there and can love me so completely when that happens. You have showed me that I must have love for others even when that is the least of what I would like to do. You have showed me there is a line between letting others walk all over me and standing up for myself. You have instilled in me and continue to show me what the fruits of the Spirit are. You continue to show me where I am lacking and how far you have brought me. You continue to show me that I am a work in progress yet you have made me believe you love me the same. You loved me for who I was yesterday and today, not some future version of myself. You finally have allowed my heart to come to a place where I believe this. You have made my heart come alive. You have showed me that I do not need a man in my life for this to happen. You have showed me that ALL I REALLY NEED is YOU. All of the extra things that I have in my life are blessings from you so that I can see and show more of you. You have allowed such growth, even when it was excruciatingly painful. You have allowed those scars to shown, but you have produced fruit from these things. You have brought me to a place where I am finally OK with where I am at. It is not dependent on what is happening around me and my circumstances, but rather on your love and recognizing that you DO NOT CHANGE and will not change. Even when everything around me is crumbling down, you stand strong. For that, Lord, I am thankful. You are the one that has truly made my heart come alive, and for that I am eternally thankful. Thank you for loving me and helping me realize I do not need a husband (or other things I may have made as an idol) to make my heart come alive... I need you.
Love you,
Ashie
Monday, June 13, 2011
"a general wearing out process"
Noah Calhoun- "I don't think of it as sick. I think of it as a general wearing out process."
Did I just quote The Notebook? Yes, I did. This quote has been coming to my mind in the past week. It has been a tough past week- my sweet cousin was in the hospital because she was going into premature labor, and it took a few days to figure this out and make sure the baby was okay (she is not due until the end of July). Two of my very favorite people in the whole wide world are moving across the country (denial was happening for quite awhile, and now it is actually happening) and to top it all off Papa is back in the hospital. The quote has more been coming to my mind about Papa. I have written about him many times, and maybe it gets old that I write about him so much, but I do love him so. This time around he went in because he could not breathe very well. Come to find out he has lots of fluid around his lungs, but not because of what you might think of. All the food and drink that he is in taking has been going straight to his lungs, not his stomach. Needless to say, this is not good. They told him he must be on a feeding tube. He was not too happy about this, but when they told him what the alternative would be for him, he decided this was the only choice (which it was). He has been in a lot of time this time around. He has also been more stressed and anxious (which does not happen very often) and his feeding tube has come out about 4 or 5 times now. It stayed in all day today, so that is a praise. They must keep him on a feeding tube in order for him to digest food, and for it to go to the correct place, without it his outlook is bleak. They want to do a surgery on Wednesday to put a port in his stomach, but this will be somewhat risky due to the condition he is in. They want to keep him on a feeding tube for at least 6 weeks to see how he does with this. However, his left lung is not cooperating. His left lung has fluid surrounding it and they cannot remove it with lasiks. So, their plan is to inject a needle into the tissue around the lung and try to remove the fluid. I am gathering that if this works, then he will be able to have the surgery on Wednesday, which seems to be crucial, as well.
The quote has come to my mind, because his body is wearing out. It seems to be "a general wearing out process". He is the most precious person. The other day I came home from a trip, and even though he was feeling absolutely horrible and just needed to rest, he tried to turn around in his bed and ask me about my trip and some adventures I had partaken in in the past week. He also made a few jokes. One thing about my Pop, his humor is intact. I would like to ask you something-- please keep him and my grandmother, Norma, in your prayers. She is trying to stay strong, he is trying to do the same as well I believe he is just tired. The last thing I want is to lose him, but I desire for him to not be in pain and also just have a peace about the situation. Please pray for peace for both him and my grandmother and if they choose to do the surgery that it goes well, and that it does not put him in further pain or make him any more uncomfortable than what he is. I would really, really appreciate your prayers.
While we are at it- would you mind praying for my cousin Laura? She is at home now, but they will have to watch her now that she has gone into premature labor. Their baby Kennedy seems to be just fine, but please pray that the rest of her pregnancy is healthy and that Kennedy comes on time and when she is fully developed and that Laura is not stressed until then about the process. I can only imagine what was going through her mind last week.
I love you guys. Thanks for always listening, and more importantly, thanks for always praying.
Ash
Monday, June 6, 2011
Day 4- Favorite Outfit
I am not going to lie... I don't know if I have a favorite outfit. I mean, I definitely have favorite pieces that I wear, but a favorite outfit I have probably not had since I was about 10. When I was 10 I got to go to the Limited too (any of my girls remember this store?!?) and pick out an Easter outfit. I took a couple of pieces that were not thrown together in the first place and put them together. To my surprise and utter GLEE, the Limited too managers decided it was an awesome idea to put those pieces of clothing together and then decided to make it a window display. I felt like a fashion stylist. And to that day I have decided that I must always be shopping to find the newest looks that someone might have glanced over (this may or may not be how I justify shopping sometimes)....;). All that to say, here are a few of my favorite things. Quite honestly, after having to be in dresses and heels the past week for things after school or things such as graduation, I am fully convinced I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal. Dressing up is fun, but not something I want to do everyday.
This is my go-to outfit for summer. A t-shirt and shorts.
I love Uggs. This is far from a confession if you know me. I love them and will not apologize for it. Trust me, if you put your feet into some, your life would be changed. Ask my besties...they have been converted. I know that I cannot wear these in the summer, that would be quite stupid, but they are fav in winter. In or out of style, I will be true to you, Oh Uggs.
Lastly, would be my cream coat, my black skinny jeans and my anthro boots. Again, a winter-ish outfit, but it is one of my very favs. Unfortunately my beautiful and C-U-T-E cream coat was stolen while in New Orleans. So RIP cream coat... I hope your new owner loves you even though they stole you. I realize this is not the most flattering of pictures of me...but it is about the outfit, right?!
Well ,that is all for today. I apologize if any boredom came from this post, but I had to post Day #4! Hopefully Day #5 will be much more interesting!!
love you all.
Ash :)
This is my go-to outfit for summer. A t-shirt and shorts.
I love Uggs. This is far from a confession if you know me. I love them and will not apologize for it. Trust me, if you put your feet into some, your life would be changed. Ask my besties...they have been converted. I know that I cannot wear these in the summer, that would be quite stupid, but they are fav in winter. In or out of style, I will be true to you, Oh Uggs.
Lastly, would be my cream coat, my black skinny jeans and my anthro boots. Again, a winter-ish outfit, but it is one of my very favs. Unfortunately my beautiful and C-U-T-E cream coat was stolen while in New Orleans. So RIP cream coat... I hope your new owner loves you even though they stole you. I realize this is not the most flattering of pictures of me...but it is about the outfit, right?!
Well ,that is all for today. I apologize if any boredom came from this post, but I had to post Day #4! Hopefully Day #5 will be much more interesting!!
love you all.
Ash :)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Day 3- Who Inspires Beauty?
This might be a strange post. The question that has been posed is- who inspires beauty? I think this is a great question with many possible answers. I thought about talking about all the great women in my life- my Mimi, my Mom, people like my old youth minister's wife Amy Dean. All of these people have inspired so much within me and have helped mold and shape me into who I am today. I have chosen 4 people. The first three people I have chosen are my three best friends- Nicole, Elise and Robin. These three women have closely walked with me in my life and inspire great beauty. Each one of them are different, but lovely all the same. They all love the Lord with all of their heart, mind and soul. All three are now married and each honor God in their marriages. They are all Godly women, whom I have had a GREAT joy in walking with. These women hold me accountable, love me, have cried with me, and are SOOO funny! They are some of the most wonderful women I know with such great passion for our God and King.
Nicole has been one of my best friends since the 7th grade. This girl has so much joy in her heart and is one of the kindest people I have ever known. We became close after both not being invited to a sleepover our 7th grade year. Ever since that sad night, we have been the best of friends. Her encouragement and love for the Lord, and sweet spirit inspire beauty. She is one of the most lovely people I know and she is a Godly woman that most definitely shines from the inside out (even though you can see she is SO beautiful on the outside)!!!!
Elise has been one of my best friends since my senior year in college. She is one of those people that I instantly bonded with and the Lord has only grown our relationship stronger since that day! Lise is one of those friends that I will be friends with until the day I die. She is one of the most amazing women that I know. She encourages people daily and is one of the most selfless people I know. She loves her husband so much and has impressed me with how wonderful she is at being a wife. She may not think that, but I have to say, her example of her relationship with her husband and how she prays for him and really desires to be a Godly wife is inspiring. The thing about Lise is she values her relationship with the Lord above all. She encourages others in this as well without condemnation. I find this rare. She is true gem and one of my favorite people, and I am blessed to call her my best friend.
Robin is another one of my sweet besties. I think sweet is synonymous with Rob. I love her so much. She has also been one of my best friends since my Senior year in college. She has lived near me the past two years, and has been my lifeline. She is moving to Iowa soon.... which to be honest with you, makes my heart extremely sad. You see, the thing about Rob is everything about her inspires beauty. She loves the Lord with all her heart, is extremely smart and lovely and witty and just an incredible friend. She would be there for you even if it was the most inconvenient thing for her. I have been so blessed by her friendship. She has listened to me during some of my hardest times and has stuck by me and made me feel better. She is realistic yet kind and caring. I love her so very much. She is also pregnant. As if it was at all possible, pregnancy has made her even cuter and more beautiful. She has got that glow if you will. :) She is another friend I cannot see ever not being friends with.
These three women are some of the most wonderful people I know. It is a pleasure to know them, to grow with them, and to be their best friends.
The last set of people (which may seem like the weird part of my post) I would like to shine the light on would be my students. I will not be posting a picture of all of them, but I just have to say they inspire beauty. They inspire that deep hearted beauty within me. I see all of their personalities and sweet spirits, or even their rough-around-the edges just need Jesus selves and I am inspired to live and be better. They inspire beauty because I see them and want to be better. I want to be a leader. I desire to be a good role-model and show them the love of Jesus. So, my babies, as I call them, inspire true beauty.
Love you all.
Ash:)
Nicole has been one of my best friends since the 7th grade. This girl has so much joy in her heart and is one of the kindest people I have ever known. We became close after both not being invited to a sleepover our 7th grade year. Ever since that sad night, we have been the best of friends. Her encouragement and love for the Lord, and sweet spirit inspire beauty. She is one of the most lovely people I know and she is a Godly woman that most definitely shines from the inside out (even though you can see she is SO beautiful on the outside)!!!!
Elise has been one of my best friends since my senior year in college. She is one of those people that I instantly bonded with and the Lord has only grown our relationship stronger since that day! Lise is one of those friends that I will be friends with until the day I die. She is one of the most amazing women that I know. She encourages people daily and is one of the most selfless people I know. She loves her husband so much and has impressed me with how wonderful she is at being a wife. She may not think that, but I have to say, her example of her relationship with her husband and how she prays for him and really desires to be a Godly wife is inspiring. The thing about Lise is she values her relationship with the Lord above all. She encourages others in this as well without condemnation. I find this rare. She is true gem and one of my favorite people, and I am blessed to call her my best friend.
Robin is another one of my sweet besties. I think sweet is synonymous with Rob. I love her so much. She has also been one of my best friends since my Senior year in college. She has lived near me the past two years, and has been my lifeline. She is moving to Iowa soon.... which to be honest with you, makes my heart extremely sad. You see, the thing about Rob is everything about her inspires beauty. She loves the Lord with all her heart, is extremely smart and lovely and witty and just an incredible friend. She would be there for you even if it was the most inconvenient thing for her. I have been so blessed by her friendship. She has listened to me during some of my hardest times and has stuck by me and made me feel better. She is realistic yet kind and caring. I love her so very much. She is also pregnant. As if it was at all possible, pregnancy has made her even cuter and more beautiful. She has got that glow if you will. :) She is another friend I cannot see ever not being friends with.
These three women are some of the most wonderful people I know. It is a pleasure to know them, to grow with them, and to be their best friends.
The last set of people (which may seem like the weird part of my post) I would like to shine the light on would be my students. I will not be posting a picture of all of them, but I just have to say they inspire beauty. They inspire that deep hearted beauty within me. I see all of their personalities and sweet spirits, or even their rough-around-the edges just need Jesus selves and I am inspired to live and be better. They inspire beauty because I see them and want to be better. I want to be a leader. I desire to be a good role-model and show them the love of Jesus. So, my babies, as I call them, inspire true beauty.
Love you all.
Ash:)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Project 31- Day 2
Question #2- What makes you uniquely YOU?
I am sure I could do this post many different ways, but in midst of lacking creativity, here is a random list of things about muah.
I am a coffee-drinkin', skinny jean wearin', Jesus lovin', Harry Potter fanatic that happens to get to do something that I am absolutely in love with every day.
I have been so excited about doing this particular blog post for so long. I have thought of fun things I could mention about myself or funny anecdotes I might tell. But when it comes down to it, I don't have a lot to say. There are so many things that make up who I am. The main thing that makes me who I am though is Jesus. It is my relationship with Him. It is the relationship that He has so graciously allowed me to have with Him that makes me who I am. Now do I deny that I am creator of amazing birthday raps, creator of the Friday song for my kids at school, and maybe a crazy driver!?!? No! But, those are not the things that make me. They are things that maybe set me apart. But in the end, I am being made, shaped and molded by my creator. He has grown my affections for things I never thought 10 years ago I would have a love for. He has grounded me to a place where I am more grateful and less childish and selfish. (I say less selfish due to this being an issue that is being worked on ;)). But I really do not think that I could say that I am who I am, without mentioning my Christ. Some might call that "overly religious" or she is one of those "weird Jesus-lovers" but I am telling you, He has brought me through so much, rescued my heart and then taken it, mended it and fully hidden it in Him, that to not tell you about what He has done in my life and not brag on Him would not be a good reflection of who I am now.
So, I leave you with a few fun facts.
1. I am my father's daughter. I love to read and write and debate (when I have a good argument. Until then, I will not put in my two sense). I am a thinker and a lover of culture and of people. I love to see what can happen when people are thrown together and watch how people react to one another. I like to solve problems and fix things. I like to help.
2. I am also my mother's daughter. I am the first one to make a stupid comment that I will not catch was stupid until after the entire car has started laughing at my seeming ditsy comment. I like to be goofy. I love to love. I want to make sure you know I love you, and that I will keep loving you as long as I have breathe. I don't like division and I long for everyone to see the good in each other. I desire for my babies to see how much I love them and I wish I could take everyone of them in and let them know they are dearly loved and there is something much greater than any of us that brought us all here. I love flowers and beauty and say "Thank you Jesus" when I find a parking spot. I love to come home and veg out watching Friends or The Office. And I like to try to be funny even if it is just for a pity laugh from the people that mean the most to me in my life. And most of all... I will keep touching you until you tell me to stop. I can't help it. I am touchy. I feel like that is the way you will know you are loved by me. It is my love language....so deal with it. ;)
3. I love to read. I have loved to read since I was little. I read all the Anne of Green Gables series when I was in the 3rd grade and devoured books ever since. I guess it works out that I now get to teach some of the literature that so dearly love.
4. I live for Christmas season. It is my favorite. I love Christmas music, the decorations, the beautiful coats worn during the cold weather and the seasonal drinks at Starbucks.
5. The Fall and Spring are two of my favorites as well because it reminds me of the goodness of Christ. Whether it is the old making way for the new, or the something growing and shedding it's old skin, I love love love the changing of the seasons.
6. I love school supplies- always have, always will. I am enamored with school supply stores and it makes my heart happy to have a new purple or pink pen.
7. I love Harry Potter and will not be ashamed of it!!! They are one of the most well-written series ever written and until you have read them all, I do not believe you can argue with me about this.
8. I love fashion. If this at all makes sense, it stirs my affections for my creator. I find people so innovative and creative which brings me back to how creative our amazing God is. And do not write me off as just "another Dallas girl that is into THINGS". Where I could see myself easily getting caught up in that if I do not check myself regularly, I truly appreciate the designer and what it took to make the piece. I love the patterns, the textiles and different textures they use to communicate their view of design. It intrigues me.
9. I am independent. I do not need anyone to complete me, but it excites me to think of the future possibilities that the Lord has for me.
10. I love to study. Yes, I am that person. I enjoy studying. I love to read and write and take notes. I want to go back to school and I desire to be a life-learner. It is in me forever...maybe that is why I desire so greatly for my kids to WANT to learn!!
So in ten not-so-brief thoughts here I am. Love you all and thanks for reading.
Ash
I am sure I could do this post many different ways, but in midst of lacking creativity, here is a random list of things about muah.
I am a coffee-drinkin', skinny jean wearin', Jesus lovin', Harry Potter fanatic that happens to get to do something that I am absolutely in love with every day.
I have been so excited about doing this particular blog post for so long. I have thought of fun things I could mention about myself or funny anecdotes I might tell. But when it comes down to it, I don't have a lot to say. There are so many things that make up who I am. The main thing that makes me who I am though is Jesus. It is my relationship with Him. It is the relationship that He has so graciously allowed me to have with Him that makes me who I am. Now do I deny that I am creator of amazing birthday raps, creator of the Friday song for my kids at school, and maybe a crazy driver!?!? No! But, those are not the things that make me. They are things that maybe set me apart. But in the end, I am being made, shaped and molded by my creator. He has grown my affections for things I never thought 10 years ago I would have a love for. He has grounded me to a place where I am more grateful and less childish and selfish. (I say less selfish due to this being an issue that is being worked on ;)). But I really do not think that I could say that I am who I am, without mentioning my Christ. Some might call that "overly religious" or she is one of those "weird Jesus-lovers" but I am telling you, He has brought me through so much, rescued my heart and then taken it, mended it and fully hidden it in Him, that to not tell you about what He has done in my life and not brag on Him would not be a good reflection of who I am now.
So, I leave you with a few fun facts.
1. I am my father's daughter. I love to read and write and debate (when I have a good argument. Until then, I will not put in my two sense). I am a thinker and a lover of culture and of people. I love to see what can happen when people are thrown together and watch how people react to one another. I like to solve problems and fix things. I like to help.
2. I am also my mother's daughter. I am the first one to make a stupid comment that I will not catch was stupid until after the entire car has started laughing at my seeming ditsy comment. I like to be goofy. I love to love. I want to make sure you know I love you, and that I will keep loving you as long as I have breathe. I don't like division and I long for everyone to see the good in each other. I desire for my babies to see how much I love them and I wish I could take everyone of them in and let them know they are dearly loved and there is something much greater than any of us that brought us all here. I love flowers and beauty and say "Thank you Jesus" when I find a parking spot. I love to come home and veg out watching Friends or The Office. And I like to try to be funny even if it is just for a pity laugh from the people that mean the most to me in my life. And most of all... I will keep touching you until you tell me to stop. I can't help it. I am touchy. I feel like that is the way you will know you are loved by me. It is my love language....so deal with it. ;)
3. I love to read. I have loved to read since I was little. I read all the Anne of Green Gables series when I was in the 3rd grade and devoured books ever since. I guess it works out that I now get to teach some of the literature that so dearly love.
4. I live for Christmas season. It is my favorite. I love Christmas music, the decorations, the beautiful coats worn during the cold weather and the seasonal drinks at Starbucks.
5. The Fall and Spring are two of my favorites as well because it reminds me of the goodness of Christ. Whether it is the old making way for the new, or the something growing and shedding it's old skin, I love love love the changing of the seasons.
6. I love school supplies- always have, always will. I am enamored with school supply stores and it makes my heart happy to have a new purple or pink pen.
7. I love Harry Potter and will not be ashamed of it!!! They are one of the most well-written series ever written and until you have read them all, I do not believe you can argue with me about this.
8. I love fashion. If this at all makes sense, it stirs my affections for my creator. I find people so innovative and creative which brings me back to how creative our amazing God is. And do not write me off as just "another Dallas girl that is into THINGS". Where I could see myself easily getting caught up in that if I do not check myself regularly, I truly appreciate the designer and what it took to make the piece. I love the patterns, the textiles and different textures they use to communicate their view of design. It intrigues me.
9. I am independent. I do not need anyone to complete me, but it excites me to think of the future possibilities that the Lord has for me.
10. I love to study. Yes, I am that person. I enjoy studying. I love to read and write and take notes. I want to go back to school and I desire to be a life-learner. It is in me forever...maybe that is why I desire so greatly for my kids to WANT to learn!!
So in ten not-so-brief thoughts here I am. Love you all and thanks for reading.
Ash
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The List
Hello!! :)
I will not be doing day #2 today because I want enough time to spend with each "day" that I blog. But, I did want to post the questions for some of my friendlies that asked!!! Also, I want you to check out the blog that I got it from! I will be adding her to my blog roll, and I also want to share with you another blog that I am highly encouraged by- Ashley Venable's blog. I actually do not know Ashley too well, but met her through a friend this past year and have followed her through her blog. She is something else (wonderful) and truly a joy to follow when it comes to the blogging world and just an encouragement as a fellow Christian woman living our her life for our sweet Jesus! Christian women trust me on this, follow her blog!!
The blog that the project actually comes from is She Breathes Deeply. You should check out her blog as well, ladies! It is encouraging and fun to read!! :) I don't know about you, but I am all about the encouragement end of things so I highly reccomend.
Okay, now on to PROJECT 31!!! I am excited!
I will not be doing day #2 today because I want enough time to spend with each "day" that I blog. But, I did want to post the questions for some of my friendlies that asked!!! Also, I want you to check out the blog that I got it from! I will be adding her to my blog roll, and I also want to share with you another blog that I am highly encouraged by- Ashley Venable's blog. I actually do not know Ashley too well, but met her through a friend this past year and have followed her through her blog. She is something else (wonderful) and truly a joy to follow when it comes to the blogging world and just an encouragement as a fellow Christian woman living our her life for our sweet Jesus! Christian women trust me on this, follow her blog!!
The blog that the project actually comes from is She Breathes Deeply. You should check out her blog as well, ladies! It is encouraging and fun to read!! :) I don't know about you, but I am all about the encouragement end of things so I highly reccomend.
Okay, now on to PROJECT 31!!! I am excited!
Here are the questions-THE LIST:
Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.
Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Describe your personality.
Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)
Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!
So besties, ladies, and lovely's get ready, set... BLOG!!! Love you all!!
Ash :)
Monday, May 16, 2011
What is Beauty?
I am starting a new series of blogs. I have wanted to write quite a bit in the past few months, but have either been lazy, felt a little too vulnerable with the topics, or just wrote half only to be unispired to write the rest of it.
I saw on a friend's blog that she was doing 31 days of entries. The 31 is signifigant because it has do to with the Proverbs 31 woman. Lately, I have been thinking about what makes me, uniquely me, and other women, uniquely them. I will post all the entires in the next blog, but Day 1 of the blog asks the question- What does beauty meant to you? I think this is a good question for any woman to ask herself.
I have been thinking on this question for about 2 months now, after seeing it on my friend's blog. Beauty. It is one of the things that every woman deals with on a constant basis. We fight off what we feel we look like, or portray on a daily basis. If you are a Christian, you wonder if you are living what is characteritic of a Godly woman. If you are married maybe you think in the terms of whether you are living as a Godly wife should, and as a single, you think, am I doing this right? At least, that is what I think. What also comes to mind for me as a single woman is- am I alright just being me? Is there something wrong with me that I am still single when all my freinds are married. Hear me out before you start thinking that I have some major single issues. I think that there is always a image issue with women. I think we all handle it differently, but in the end, I think there is always something in us wondering if we could be better, look better, be funnier, wittier, more on-key and cool. The question that has come to my mind lately while feeling this way is- what good is that doing me, or what way is that making me better? The answer is it isn't. It isn't making me better, rather it is making me pick myself apart and try to be like others.
So, the answer to this question in my mind is simple. Beauty is being you. Unique and wonderful you. The Lord knows you and made you to be the wonderful person you are. Are you going to mess up? Heck yes. Are you going to have days where you feel like you should probably just stay in and eat your cares away with chocolate and watch "Say yes to the dress" for the 20th tim?. Probably...but those days are amongst the ones that make you who you are. The Lord has made us all unique and individuals for a reason. There is a reason HE choose to place us in our very routine we have now. He put us here for a reason and that reason is uniquely yours.
So, my challenge to myself, and to others is why keep trying to change who you are to fit in some mold that probably you have drawn up for yourself? Why not just work with what the Lord has given you and find all of your beauty in Him? I am talking to myself here, but this is something I feel the Lord is laying on my heart over and over again. So, be yourself and find you beauty in Him and what He has placed you in and around. Can't be too tough, right? Let's try together.
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
I saw on a friend's blog that she was doing 31 days of entries. The 31 is signifigant because it has do to with the Proverbs 31 woman. Lately, I have been thinking about what makes me, uniquely me, and other women, uniquely them. I will post all the entires in the next blog, but Day 1 of the blog asks the question- What does beauty meant to you? I think this is a good question for any woman to ask herself.
I have been thinking on this question for about 2 months now, after seeing it on my friend's blog. Beauty. It is one of the things that every woman deals with on a constant basis. We fight off what we feel we look like, or portray on a daily basis. If you are a Christian, you wonder if you are living what is characteritic of a Godly woman. If you are married maybe you think in the terms of whether you are living as a Godly wife should, and as a single, you think, am I doing this right? At least, that is what I think. What also comes to mind for me as a single woman is- am I alright just being me? Is there something wrong with me that I am still single when all my freinds are married. Hear me out before you start thinking that I have some major single issues. I think that there is always a image issue with women. I think we all handle it differently, but in the end, I think there is always something in us wondering if we could be better, look better, be funnier, wittier, more on-key and cool. The question that has come to my mind lately while feeling this way is- what good is that doing me, or what way is that making me better? The answer is it isn't. It isn't making me better, rather it is making me pick myself apart and try to be like others.
So, the answer to this question in my mind is simple. Beauty is being you. Unique and wonderful you. The Lord knows you and made you to be the wonderful person you are. Are you going to mess up? Heck yes. Are you going to have days where you feel like you should probably just stay in and eat your cares away with chocolate and watch "Say yes to the dress" for the 20th tim?. Probably...but those days are amongst the ones that make you who you are. The Lord has made us all unique and individuals for a reason. There is a reason HE choose to place us in our very routine we have now. He put us here for a reason and that reason is uniquely yours.
So, my challenge to myself, and to others is why keep trying to change who you are to fit in some mold that probably you have drawn up for yourself? Why not just work with what the Lord has given you and find all of your beauty in Him? I am talking to myself here, but this is something I feel the Lord is laying on my heart over and over again. So, be yourself and find you beauty in Him and what He has placed you in and around. Can't be too tough, right? Let's try together.
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Papa
My papa is getting surgery on Thursday. Or he is scheduled to get a surgery on Thursday. He has been scheduled for this surgery twice now, and both times he has gone in there has been something wrong with his health in addition to what he was going in for, so they had to postpone surgery. He is getting his defribullator replaced. I am not sure what all goes in to this surgery and I believe I may have even blogged about this back in August when he was to get it then. There is also a lot of stuff going on with school and such, and all I keep thinking right now is I know nothing of what is to happen, or what might transpire in the next few days, but I know the Lord will take care of me. He always has, He always will... and He continues to sustain me in the meantime. I think Papa is pretty scared about the surgery. Which makes me sad and just want to give him a hug and go hang out with him until the surgery. Then, I seem to think I am jumping the gun a bit... he may not even have the surgery, and could and will probably make it through fine. I feel selfish for worrying about work and some things that are in transition for me at work due to me probably having my job when others might. I should just be thankful. Today was just a day it would have been nice to come home to someone who I could have told about my day, but didn't have to, ya know? Just to come home and sit and maybe watch TV, eat and sit in silence with that person just knowing that they are there. But on the bright side that is something I look forward to someday having. Shoot, maybe I just need to get a roommate. ;)
So, if you do read this by Thursday, 2 things-
1. Will you please pray for my Papa? I know I have asked that a lot, but y'all have been faithful and it has always worked out. Love when the saints pray for my Papa. :)
2. Don't worry... I am not on the edge of some depressional down spiraling. I guess I just wanted to type it out. Emotional Ashley emerges again. :) A girl's gotta be honest with herself, and I can be emotional (for those of you that know me best that might be reading this you are probably thinking, oh ash, that is an understatement and laughing a bit). Let's face it... the Lord made me that way. And I am comfortable in it.
That is all for now. As they say in recovery... Thanks for listening.
So, if you do read this by Thursday, 2 things-
1. Will you please pray for my Papa? I know I have asked that a lot, but y'all have been faithful and it has always worked out. Love when the saints pray for my Papa. :)
2. Don't worry... I am not on the edge of some depressional down spiraling. I guess I just wanted to type it out. Emotional Ashley emerges again. :) A girl's gotta be honest with herself, and I can be emotional (for those of you that know me best that might be reading this you are probably thinking, oh ash, that is an understatement and laughing a bit). Let's face it... the Lord made me that way. And I am comfortable in it.
That is all for now. As they say in recovery... Thanks for listening.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Realization.
Something dawned on me this past week. I like where my life is at right now. I love my job, my friends, my relationship with my Sweet Jesus, my church, and my apartment. I love my red furniture and my robin-egg blue plates. I like that I can rearrange my furniture without consulting anyone to see if that will upset them, or that I can leave a cup out on the table and it not bother anyone. I am content. (Do you know how wonderful that feels to say that!?!?!!!) Do I want some things in the future that I may not have yet? Very much so. But, they are far from defining me. Do I have a lot of growth to do?! Ummm, that would be a big YES. The Lord has been above and beyond gracious to me this year though and has let me grow in crazy ways I honestly did not know would be possible. I feel as though He has something in the works for my life that I will be so very giddy about in the future, but in the meantime, He has me right where He wants me. Do I get lonely sometimes? Of course... I think every single 25 year-old woman might tell you that they get lonely time to time when they see that cute couple who can't stop staring at one another. However, this week I was reminded over and over again by the Lord how I was okay and how He has finally brought me in this season where I am content. It does not mean that things don't bother me, or I don't get down from time to time, but I know I am okay. I know that my relationship status does not define where I may have allowed it to in the past. I also know that there is no rushing God's timing no matter how much I may TRY to do so. So, as I sit here tonight typing on my school-issued MacBook, watching all sorts of girly television and drinking my sweet tea, I am thankful. No use in pushing God's timing even if that is all I have ever tried to do in my life. I am ever so thankful He has a plan for my life that I have yet to see or live out. Praise be to Him who loves this goofy, sometimes dramatic, type A, perfectionist yet messy girl and that He knows my heart better than anyone and still loves me. And here is to being content in this single season as long as he calls me to it.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Snow day post...
It has been awhile since I have posted anything, plus with these unexpected "snow" days, I thought why not post a bit! Last post I talked about the angst of waiting. That seems to be the theme of the current season I am in. However, I will say that since my last post my heart is way more at rest. There is no other explanation for that except the Lord's grace in my life. I have been in constant prayer of many things over the past few months, and the Lord has been gracious to answer or rather deliver. The feeling of peace that I have at this time is nothing short of Him. Let me tell you why...(and then the blog will get a bit lighter!)
1. There is a very big uncertainty about my job right now. If you know me well, or maybe even if you don't know too well, you know how much I talk about my job. To say I love my job might be the understatement of the century. I have wanted to be a teacehrs since I was 5...literally. I am in love with job. I am in love with my kids. I am in love with teaching. I am in love with developing relationships with them and getting to know them and hopefully show them Jesus. I am in love with encouraging them and seeing them grow. I am even in love with being at a school that has babies that are on the lower end of the economic scale. I love how I have grown from teaching. I love how Cheerleading (even though it has been a bit of a thorn in my side the past year or so) has allowed the Lord to grow me in ways I have needed to really grow in. All that said- there is a major budget cut going on in education right now. I must be honest and say I did not know that it would be as bad as it is right now. Nor did I realize how much impact it would have on my job. However, our superintendent came out with a new video speaking to all the AISD employees telling us that we are in a very bad spot due to a deficit we already had and now additional cuts from the state. We are losing a lot, including UTA stadium and many jobs and dissolving of many programs. One of the next proposed cuts are firing of 775 Probationary teachers. I fall under this category because I am in year 3 of my teaching. You are in probationary for years 1-3. This is scary. If they go through with this it will save them A LOT of money, but you will also be losing a lot of teachers that have a passion for teaching. (And I realize I may just seem to be saying this because I am in this category, but some of the best teachers I know with awesome ideas and drives and passions are in this category). They have also told us that if we do keep our jobs we will gain another section for teaching as well as lose a conference period every other day. This may not seem like a lot, but especially for those of us that may have to keep extracurriculars it will be a lot of extra work. Which in the grand scheme of having a job, I guess that really doesn't matter. All this to say...I feel as though I am in another time of uncertainty. Who knows what will happen. Maybe they will find another way to save money, but either way someone is going to lose a job. There is anxiousness all around me in the faces of my co-workers. I love the family that has been developed at my school and it is scary to think that that will change. BUT here is the thing the Lord is yet again pounding into my head- He has different plans for me than I might have for myself. And what i have to do and continue to do is Trust Him and wait. ACTUALLY TRUST HIM. I am venturing to say I think I am getting there. I have a crazy peace..and even though I get that stupid anxiousness of "Ash what if you write this and then lose your job the next day...what are you going to say then?" I have to say that the Lord is going to take care of me. I mean, He has, He will. He will find some way for me to make money. To have a ministry. He knows my heart...he knows my desires, and most of all His plan is way better than my own. And hopefully, I am still teaching next year. Hopefully at the school I am teaching at. The unknown is scary, especially because I truly truly love teaching so much! I am not just saying it...it brings my heart joy. But, the Lord knows that right? Right.
SOOOO, with that being said, I would like to list some things I am thankful for. Not in any particular order, what I am blessed to say I have and thankful for!!
1. Jesus!!!! This is obvious and my relationship is SUPER important and has been invaluable (obviously). I just love Him so much!!
2. My job. I love teaching. I love my babies. I love my girls. I love getting to be creative and dorky and the kids laughing at my jokes, when let's face it...I am not too funny. ;)
3. The relationships I have right now and the relationships that are developing. I love how the Lord works things out and brings new people in your life as well as the old to show you how GOOD and GRACIOUS He is. That is the best.
4. The new found patience the Lord is giving me. Who knows why he is being that gracious, but OH MY WORD, is it new and something that I am SO excited about!
5. School supplies. Yes, I said it... I love me some markers, post-it notes, highlighters and other various organizational tools.
6. Uggs- I probably post this everytime, but I mean it is SO cold outside. If you have Uggs you understand. If you don'...I am sorry. ;)
7. My planner and how it keeps me organized.
8. My Iphone
9. My church and the people in it.
10. A solid group of people that are around me. I know that I mentioned the whole relationships thing above, but the Lord truly has blessed me with the people that I get to call friends and family members in my life. I cannot even imagine doing life without them.
There is way more, but that is all I have for right now. ;) Here are some other updates before I go-
1. Recent Picture of Nennie-Bug
2. I had the opportunity to speak in the Blush Conference here recently. Please check them out and the website out if you have never heard of it!!! The Lord is going to do and is doing some mighty things through this ministry!!!
3. My long-time bestie from Junior High and High School got engaged!!!! Congrats to my little muffin! ;)
5. I heard a sermon recently about singleness, dating and marriage. One of the things that Adam talked about was how to wait in the Lord in your singleness or dating life...and that is preparing to be a wife by serving the Lord. I read this verse and it has just really caught me with how much there is to being a wife. I am not any where close to being a wife to anyone, but I think that this was a wise thought in the sense of preparing yourself to be a Godly woman, thus a Godly wife.
You can find his sermons (WHICH I TOTALLY RECOMMEND!!!) at www.redrevolution.com
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Lastly, this is more of request, but would you please pray for AISD? I don't know what to say to pray for exactly, but maybe just for the decisions that the higher ups have to make. And peace for everyone involved and with whatever happens. Love you guys so much! Thanks for reading my blog!!!!
1. There is a very big uncertainty about my job right now. If you know me well, or maybe even if you don't know too well, you know how much I talk about my job. To say I love my job might be the understatement of the century. I have wanted to be a teacehrs since I was 5...literally. I am in love with job. I am in love with my kids. I am in love with teaching. I am in love with developing relationships with them and getting to know them and hopefully show them Jesus. I am in love with encouraging them and seeing them grow. I am even in love with being at a school that has babies that are on the lower end of the economic scale. I love how I have grown from teaching. I love how Cheerleading (even though it has been a bit of a thorn in my side the past year or so) has allowed the Lord to grow me in ways I have needed to really grow in. All that said- there is a major budget cut going on in education right now. I must be honest and say I did not know that it would be as bad as it is right now. Nor did I realize how much impact it would have on my job. However, our superintendent came out with a new video speaking to all the AISD employees telling us that we are in a very bad spot due to a deficit we already had and now additional cuts from the state. We are losing a lot, including UTA stadium and many jobs and dissolving of many programs. One of the next proposed cuts are firing of 775 Probationary teachers. I fall under this category because I am in year 3 of my teaching. You are in probationary for years 1-3. This is scary. If they go through with this it will save them A LOT of money, but you will also be losing a lot of teachers that have a passion for teaching. (And I realize I may just seem to be saying this because I am in this category, but some of the best teachers I know with awesome ideas and drives and passions are in this category). They have also told us that if we do keep our jobs we will gain another section for teaching as well as lose a conference period every other day. This may not seem like a lot, but especially for those of us that may have to keep extracurriculars it will be a lot of extra work. Which in the grand scheme of having a job, I guess that really doesn't matter. All this to say...I feel as though I am in another time of uncertainty. Who knows what will happen. Maybe they will find another way to save money, but either way someone is going to lose a job. There is anxiousness all around me in the faces of my co-workers. I love the family that has been developed at my school and it is scary to think that that will change. BUT here is the thing the Lord is yet again pounding into my head- He has different plans for me than I might have for myself. And what i have to do and continue to do is Trust Him and wait. ACTUALLY TRUST HIM. I am venturing to say I think I am getting there. I have a crazy peace..and even though I get that stupid anxiousness of "Ash what if you write this and then lose your job the next day...what are you going to say then?" I have to say that the Lord is going to take care of me. I mean, He has, He will. He will find some way for me to make money. To have a ministry. He knows my heart...he knows my desires, and most of all His plan is way better than my own. And hopefully, I am still teaching next year. Hopefully at the school I am teaching at. The unknown is scary, especially because I truly truly love teaching so much! I am not just saying it...it brings my heart joy. But, the Lord knows that right? Right.
SOOOO, with that being said, I would like to list some things I am thankful for. Not in any particular order, what I am blessed to say I have and thankful for!!
1. Jesus!!!! This is obvious and my relationship is SUPER important and has been invaluable (obviously). I just love Him so much!!
2. My job. I love teaching. I love my babies. I love my girls. I love getting to be creative and dorky and the kids laughing at my jokes, when let's face it...I am not too funny. ;)
3. The relationships I have right now and the relationships that are developing. I love how the Lord works things out and brings new people in your life as well as the old to show you how GOOD and GRACIOUS He is. That is the best.
4. The new found patience the Lord is giving me. Who knows why he is being that gracious, but OH MY WORD, is it new and something that I am SO excited about!
5. School supplies. Yes, I said it... I love me some markers, post-it notes, highlighters and other various organizational tools.
6. Uggs- I probably post this everytime, but I mean it is SO cold outside. If you have Uggs you understand. If you don'...I am sorry. ;)
7. My planner and how it keeps me organized.
8. My Iphone
9. My church and the people in it.
10. A solid group of people that are around me. I know that I mentioned the whole relationships thing above, but the Lord truly has blessed me with the people that I get to call friends and family members in my life. I cannot even imagine doing life without them.
There is way more, but that is all I have for right now. ;) Here are some other updates before I go-
1. Recent Picture of Nennie-Bug
2. I had the opportunity to speak in the Blush Conference here recently. Please check them out and the website out if you have never heard of it!!! The Lord is going to do and is doing some mighty things through this ministry!!!
3. My long-time bestie from Junior High and High School got engaged!!!! Congrats to my little muffin! ;)
5. I heard a sermon recently about singleness, dating and marriage. One of the things that Adam talked about was how to wait in the Lord in your singleness or dating life...and that is preparing to be a wife by serving the Lord. I read this verse and it has just really caught me with how much there is to being a wife. I am not any where close to being a wife to anyone, but I think that this was a wise thought in the sense of preparing yourself to be a Godly woman, thus a Godly wife.
You can find his sermons (WHICH I TOTALLY RECOMMEND!!!) at www.redrevolution.com
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Lastly, this is more of request, but would you please pray for AISD? I don't know what to say to pray for exactly, but maybe just for the decisions that the higher ups have to make. And peace for everyone involved and with whatever happens. Love you guys so much! Thanks for reading my blog!!!!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The angst of waiting
Christmas is usually my favorite season. I mean, I get into it...and I usually start around October. Yes, October. I know, I know...let's at least let Thanksgiving get here, but there it is. Not this year. This year has been different. Not that I haven't enjoyed putting up my Christmas tree, or burning my "evergreen" candle to make my living room smell sweetly of Christmas time. Rather, it has just been a really big time of reflection and just even waiting. I do not know if I have ever really gotten the whole true, real reason for Christmas. Don't get me wrong...I get that fact that Jesus came and was born and how awesome that is. However, I do not think I have ever gotten the angst of the waiting part. The advent part. The waiting on something better and worthwhile and something that could drastically change us all part. I think in the midst of heartbreak or maybe even warfare of the soul where you are really feeling the weight of something greater than yourself, have I really had the opportunity to feel the angst of waiting.
The angst of waiting for perfect timing can be extremely hard. One reason this is probably so hard is the simple task- waiting (which is not oh, so simple when you actually have to do it). Waiting sucks. Especially in this zip-zap world that we live in. We long for instant gratification and when we don't get it we become dissatisfied and unhappy. We look for something more. We look for something better; or even a replacement of sorts. I think the grass is greener mentality comes out at this time. One thing I have noticed about myself here lately is the amount of good advice that will come out of my mouth and then when that gets tested I believe I fail miserably. It is frustrating to say the very least. Why can't what I read and what I know to be true just come as a natural thing and progression in my life. Refinement.
"He knows what He is doing with me, and when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." Job 23:10
I will not even pretend to have it all together. I am quite a far cry from that. I mean, if you read my blog at all I think I talk about waiting and such a lot...because obviously I have some trust issues with the Lord. Here lately though, I have really been blessed by the Lord to see these major areas where I am not trusting him, or where I feel like He is allowing me some room to really be tested on some things He is showing me and doing in my life. In that, there has been this angst. This want to be where He desires me to be.
As Christmas day approaches, I have also been thinking on timing. The sermons I have heard lately and also things I have been reading have spoken a lot about timing The timing of the Christ-child. The waiting on the Messiah. The anticipation of what was to come. The hope that filled people's hearts for something greater than themselves. For something that would rescue them from their hurts, their pains, their sorrow. The Lord waited for perfect timing for Jesus to come. There were prophesies made and many thought He was to come sooner. The Lord waited for the perfect time though...not what was expected, but what was right. This thought has been coming to my mind a lot here lately. It just has really been sinking in how great our God's plans are for us and how He has so much better long-term plans for us than we could possibly think of. And also how timing is everything. I know that is saying that is probably overused, but over the past couple of months, I have really come to believe them to be true. Timing is everything. And the Lord has a right timing for everything. I believe this with all my heart. It is not our job to look at our lives and say, "You know Lord, I don't think you have this right...." instead we just have to trust that He knows what He is doing. (Trust me...I am preaching to myself here.) With that, I still believe we can wait anxiously. Anxiously awaiting our Savior and what He is to do and to bring. We can hope. We can pray. We can say, come quickly Lord Jesus, we long for your coming. BUT, trusting that He is to come, that He is to bring a mighty deliverance...that angst in waiting; it can be tough. I do believe, even in the hardest of days, in the end His timing and His best is worth the wait. I mean, we got Jesus...that is a pretty awesome gift, right?
Food for thought..more so for me. Just thought I would share. Love you all so very much and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas wherever you are.
The angst of waiting for perfect timing can be extremely hard. One reason this is probably so hard is the simple task- waiting (which is not oh, so simple when you actually have to do it). Waiting sucks. Especially in this zip-zap world that we live in. We long for instant gratification and when we don't get it we become dissatisfied and unhappy. We look for something more. We look for something better; or even a replacement of sorts. I think the grass is greener mentality comes out at this time. One thing I have noticed about myself here lately is the amount of good advice that will come out of my mouth and then when that gets tested I believe I fail miserably. It is frustrating to say the very least. Why can't what I read and what I know to be true just come as a natural thing and progression in my life. Refinement.
"He knows what He is doing with me, and when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." Job 23:10
I will not even pretend to have it all together. I am quite a far cry from that. I mean, if you read my blog at all I think I talk about waiting and such a lot...because obviously I have some trust issues with the Lord. Here lately though, I have really been blessed by the Lord to see these major areas where I am not trusting him, or where I feel like He is allowing me some room to really be tested on some things He is showing me and doing in my life. In that, there has been this angst. This want to be where He desires me to be.
As Christmas day approaches, I have also been thinking on timing. The sermons I have heard lately and also things I have been reading have spoken a lot about timing The timing of the Christ-child. The waiting on the Messiah. The anticipation of what was to come. The hope that filled people's hearts for something greater than themselves. For something that would rescue them from their hurts, their pains, their sorrow. The Lord waited for perfect timing for Jesus to come. There were prophesies made and many thought He was to come sooner. The Lord waited for the perfect time though...not what was expected, but what was right. This thought has been coming to my mind a lot here lately. It just has really been sinking in how great our God's plans are for us and how He has so much better long-term plans for us than we could possibly think of. And also how timing is everything. I know that is saying that is probably overused, but over the past couple of months, I have really come to believe them to be true. Timing is everything. And the Lord has a right timing for everything. I believe this with all my heart. It is not our job to look at our lives and say, "You know Lord, I don't think you have this right...." instead we just have to trust that He knows what He is doing. (Trust me...I am preaching to myself here.) With that, I still believe we can wait anxiously. Anxiously awaiting our Savior and what He is to do and to bring. We can hope. We can pray. We can say, come quickly Lord Jesus, we long for your coming. BUT, trusting that He is to come, that He is to bring a mighty deliverance...that angst in waiting; it can be tough. I do believe, even in the hardest of days, in the end His timing and His best is worth the wait. I mean, we got Jesus...that is a pretty awesome gift, right?
Food for thought..more so for me. Just thought I would share. Love you all so very much and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas wherever you are.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Idealistic or Hopeful?
I am in a season in which two very valuable things to me are being and have been sacrificed. One not so voluntarily, and the other, after much prayer, wrestling and much fight, voluntarily given up. I do not know what this season will bring about in my life. One has already happened, one will in the next couple of months. Obedience seems to be the word that comes to the forefront of my mind here lately. Not in a self-righteous, man, I am awesome way kind of way, but in a humble, I know this is my only option and the Lord will bless it kind of way. This has been a season where I have no clue what the Lord is up to, but I also know He is out for my good, and I am learning that more and more every day. Like really, really learning that...even in the super hard lessons (which seem to be the theme this year). With that though, I do not think I would want to take back this entire year. If I look back from last year at this time, things that have happened have shaped and molded me into who I believe the Lord is making me into. I do not love some of the things that have happened, and understanding seems to be bit by bit, and just sometimes overrated because I do not know if I will understand for quite some while, but again, I know they have to be for a purpose.
Both of these things have been things that, in hopes of letting go, there is hope for some greater plan, greater happiness and more so greater joy in Christ. When it comes down to it, that is all I am living for...
It has taken me about 3 years and 7 months (yes, I counted it...this is why journals are good!) to get to this point and it has been nothing short of a journey. Literally there has been a lot that has happened in these 3 years and 7 months, but as I approach every new day the Lord begins to reveal more and more of this awesome puzzle that He is putting together. (The puzzle being ME!;)) I am encouraged during this time with the scripture He so readily makes available to me. 1 John 3:19-21 says,
"By this we shall know that we are of truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
God knows everything in my heart. From my deepest desire to know and love him and to bring Him glory with my life, to my desire for Him to allow and bring my sweet one and future beloved into my life so I can love, build up HIm up and who will also take care of me and try to love me as Christ loves the church. (Have you ever thought of how huge of a task this is women...I mean seriously, think on that. Men have a huge task ahead of them in marriage). A desire for the Lord to bring someone with an unquenchable passion for Him into my life who wants to be with me. HE knows that I desire that. He knows all the desires of my heart and I am rest assured that if these deep-seeded heart desires do not match His will for my life then He WILL change those desires. For He is good and does good and will not let his child suffer. He knows what He is doing.
2 Timothy 2:13 says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful."
That alone is one of the most encouraging things I know of. When I look at other's circumstances around me (even my pastor of almost 4 and 1/2 years Matt Chandler and his wife Lauren) they have had much heavier of things to bear then what I have felt as though I have had to "endure". Sometimes I can be a bit dramatic, however I have had to go through trials that have been very hard for me. There have been (and still are) times when it is easy for me to faithless. It is sometimes easier (or so I think at the time..) to take the faithless, hopeless, "everything is awful' route. But, when I really think about it, and think on it...is that really the easier route? I think not. All that develops is a bitter and resentful heart that is not characteristic of the woman I long to be.
At times, I think I am the girl who people think needs to "get a grip" or one that seems to hold some very idealistic ideals of life and hope for seemingly impossible things. I am not realistic some people have said. But isn't that what Christ is in the business of doing...making the impossible possible? Of restoration? If he takes my mourning and turns it into dancing. If he takes my weeping and turns into laughing and most of all if He takes my sadness and turns it into joy, isn't that the same God that can make all things new and make hope something that is tangible?
I tell my kids every day to believe in the impossible. I encourage them to know how wonderful they are. To focus on things they have control over and not only achieve those, but dream big. Hope. Love others and believe there is a greater plan for your life than what you can see right now. Sometimes I think the Lord brought me into teaching because maybe I do have a somewhat idealistic view on life. I was thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks, and then the thought came to mind- maybe it is not an idealistic view I have on life, but rather, maybe, just maybe it is Christ's joy in my life and the Hope for what is to come and my hope in Him. How awesome would it be if I could really say that and constantly live in that abundant joy?
Listen, I don't know why I am 25, still single, living alone, and so busy that I do not have time to turn around at the moment instead of being a married woman of 25 living with her sweet hubby and baby(ha, that is where I thought I would be at this point)...but this is where the Lord has me. They say acceptance is important and I think that is where I am right now. I am hopeful for what is to come, hopeful that hte Lord is to do a GREAT work in me that will solely glorify Him and also in the lives of those closest around me. I am thankful He is allowing the fog to lift from a very cloudy and unsure season...even if it is just for today. Paul Tripp said on Sunday at church, "God will take us where we have not intended to go so that He can produce in you what you could not acheive on your own." He calls this uncomfortable grace. If that is what He is calling me to, then I will choose to rejoice in that and be expectant when He brings a conclusion and some sort of understanding to this time.
Hallelujah, He makes all things new. You bring restoration, Sweet Jesus.
Both of these things have been things that, in hopes of letting go, there is hope for some greater plan, greater happiness and more so greater joy in Christ. When it comes down to it, that is all I am living for...
It has taken me about 3 years and 7 months (yes, I counted it...this is why journals are good!) to get to this point and it has been nothing short of a journey. Literally there has been a lot that has happened in these 3 years and 7 months, but as I approach every new day the Lord begins to reveal more and more of this awesome puzzle that He is putting together. (The puzzle being ME!;)) I am encouraged during this time with the scripture He so readily makes available to me. 1 John 3:19-21 says,
"By this we shall know that we are of truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
God knows everything in my heart. From my deepest desire to know and love him and to bring Him glory with my life, to my desire for Him to allow and bring my sweet one and future beloved into my life so I can love, build up HIm up and who will also take care of me and try to love me as Christ loves the church. (Have you ever thought of how huge of a task this is women...I mean seriously, think on that. Men have a huge task ahead of them in marriage). A desire for the Lord to bring someone with an unquenchable passion for Him into my life who wants to be with me. HE knows that I desire that. He knows all the desires of my heart and I am rest assured that if these deep-seeded heart desires do not match His will for my life then He WILL change those desires. For He is good and does good and will not let his child suffer. He knows what He is doing.
2 Timothy 2:13 says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful."
That alone is one of the most encouraging things I know of. When I look at other's circumstances around me (even my pastor of almost 4 and 1/2 years Matt Chandler and his wife Lauren) they have had much heavier of things to bear then what I have felt as though I have had to "endure". Sometimes I can be a bit dramatic, however I have had to go through trials that have been very hard for me. There have been (and still are) times when it is easy for me to faithless. It is sometimes easier (or so I think at the time..) to take the faithless, hopeless, "everything is awful' route. But, when I really think about it, and think on it...is that really the easier route? I think not. All that develops is a bitter and resentful heart that is not characteristic of the woman I long to be.
At times, I think I am the girl who people think needs to "get a grip" or one that seems to hold some very idealistic ideals of life and hope for seemingly impossible things. I am not realistic some people have said. But isn't that what Christ is in the business of doing...making the impossible possible? Of restoration? If he takes my mourning and turns it into dancing. If he takes my weeping and turns into laughing and most of all if He takes my sadness and turns it into joy, isn't that the same God that can make all things new and make hope something that is tangible?
I tell my kids every day to believe in the impossible. I encourage them to know how wonderful they are. To focus on things they have control over and not only achieve those, but dream big. Hope. Love others and believe there is a greater plan for your life than what you can see right now. Sometimes I think the Lord brought me into teaching because maybe I do have a somewhat idealistic view on life. I was thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks, and then the thought came to mind- maybe it is not an idealistic view I have on life, but rather, maybe, just maybe it is Christ's joy in my life and the Hope for what is to come and my hope in Him. How awesome would it be if I could really say that and constantly live in that abundant joy?
Listen, I don't know why I am 25, still single, living alone, and so busy that I do not have time to turn around at the moment instead of being a married woman of 25 living with her sweet hubby and baby(ha, that is where I thought I would be at this point)...but this is where the Lord has me. They say acceptance is important and I think that is where I am right now. I am hopeful for what is to come, hopeful that hte Lord is to do a GREAT work in me that will solely glorify Him and also in the lives of those closest around me. I am thankful He is allowing the fog to lift from a very cloudy and unsure season...even if it is just for today. Paul Tripp said on Sunday at church, "God will take us where we have not intended to go so that He can produce in you what you could not acheive on your own." He calls this uncomfortable grace. If that is what He is calling me to, then I will choose to rejoice in that and be expectant when He brings a conclusion and some sort of understanding to this time.
Hallelujah, He makes all things new. You bring restoration, Sweet Jesus.
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