Idealistic or Hopeful?

I am in a season in which two very valuable things to me are being and have been sacrificed. One not so voluntarily, and the other, after much prayer, wrestling and much fight, voluntarily given up. I do not know what this season will bring about in my life. One has already happened, one will in the next couple of months. Obedience seems to be the word that comes to the forefront of my mind here lately. Not in a self-righteous, man, I am awesome way kind of way, but in a humble, I know this is my only option and the Lord will bless it kind of way. This has been a season where I have no clue what the Lord is up to, but I also know He is out for my good, and I am learning that more and more every day. Like really, really learning that...even in the super hard lessons (which seem to be the theme this year). With that though, I do not think I would want to take back this entire year. If I look back from last year at this time, things that have happened have shaped and molded me into who I believe the Lord is making me into. I do not love some of the things that have happened, and understanding seems to be bit by bit, and just sometimes overrated because I do not know if I will understand for quite some while, but again, I know they have to be for a purpose.

Both of these things have been things that, in hopes of letting go, there is hope for some greater plan, greater happiness and more so greater joy in Christ. When it comes down to it, that is all I am living for...

It has taken me about 3 years and 7 months (yes, I counted it...this is why journals are good!) to get to this point and it has been nothing short of a journey. Literally there has been a lot that has happened in these 3 years and 7 months, but as I approach every new day the Lord begins to reveal more and more of this awesome puzzle that He is putting together. (The puzzle being ME!;)) I am encouraged during this time with the scripture He so readily makes available to me. 1 John 3:19-21 says,
"By this we shall know that we are of truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
God knows everything in my heart. From my deepest desire to know and love him and to bring Him glory with my life, to my desire for Him to allow and bring my sweet one and future beloved into my life so I can love, build up HIm up and who will also take care of me and try to love me as Christ loves the church. (Have you ever thought of how huge of a task this is women...I mean seriously, think on that. Men have a huge task ahead of them in marriage). A desire for the Lord to bring someone with an unquenchable passion for Him into my life who wants to be with me. HE knows that I desire that. He knows all the desires of my heart and I am rest assured that if these deep-seeded heart desires do not match His will for my life then He WILL change those desires. For He is good and does good and will not let his child suffer. He knows what He is doing.
2 Timothy 2:13 says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful."
That alone is one of the most encouraging things I know of. When I look at other's circumstances around me (even my pastor of almost 4 and 1/2 years Matt Chandler and his wife Lauren) they have had much heavier of things to bear then what I have felt as though I have had to "endure". Sometimes I can be a bit dramatic, however I have had to go through trials that have been very hard for me. There have been (and still are) times when it is easy for me to faithless. It is sometimes easier (or so I think at the time..) to take the faithless, hopeless, "everything is awful' route. But, when I really think about it, and think on it...is that really the easier route? I think not. All that develops is a bitter and resentful heart that is not characteristic of the woman I long to be.
At times, I think I am the girl who people think needs to "get a grip" or one that seems to hold some very idealistic ideals of life and hope for seemingly impossible things. I am not realistic some people have said. But isn't that what Christ is in the business of doing...making the impossible possible? Of restoration? If he takes my mourning and turns it into dancing. If he takes my weeping and turns into laughing and most of all if He takes my sadness and turns it into joy, isn't that the same God that can make all things new and make hope something that is tangible?
I tell my kids every day to believe in the impossible. I encourage them to know how wonderful they are. To focus on things they have control over and not only achieve those, but dream big. Hope. Love others and believe there is a greater plan for your life than what you can see right now. Sometimes I think the Lord brought me into teaching because maybe I do have a somewhat idealistic view on life. I was thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks, and then the thought came to mind- maybe it is not an idealistic view I have on life, but rather, maybe, just maybe it is Christ's joy in my life and the Hope for what is to come and my hope in Him. How awesome would it be if I could really say that and constantly live in that abundant joy?
Listen, I don't know why I am 25, still single, living alone, and so busy that I do not have time to turn around at the moment instead of being a married woman of 25 living with her sweet hubby and baby(ha, that is where I thought I would be at this point)...but this is where the Lord has me. They say acceptance is important and I think that is where I am right now. I am hopeful for what is to come, hopeful that hte Lord is to do a GREAT work in me that will solely glorify Him and also in the lives of those closest around me. I am thankful He is allowing the fog to lift from a very cloudy and unsure season...even if it is just for today. Paul Tripp said on Sunday at church, "God will take us where we have not intended to go so that He can produce in you what you could not acheive on your own." He calls this uncomfortable grace. If that is what He is calling me to, then I will choose to rejoice in that and be expectant when He brings a conclusion and some sort of understanding to this time.

Hallelujah, He makes all things new. You bring restoration, Sweet Jesus.