An atempt to unpack my life.

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Matthew 28:20

(Below are some excerpts from The Power of the Cross by Charles Stanley)

"If you are in a position where you know that you cannot do something in and of your own strength, and that unless you completely trust God to do the work in you and through you, you will fail, then you are in the best possible position for the task to be accomplished. God knew before He asked you to do something that you couldn't do it by yourself. Ask the Lord to show you the first step that you need to take toward the goal. Do what He shows you do with all your strength, might, and talent. And then look for the second step that He leads you to take."

"I cannot do this, God, but You can. I'm willing to do whatever You tell me to do, but You'll have to provide the energy, the ideas, the resources, and the talent in order for this to get done."

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? Ps. 27:1

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Ps.46:1

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God. 2 Cor. 3:5

" When you are feeling burned out....

1. Put yourself into a position to rest. Take a long enough break for your body to mend, your mind to clear, and your heart to heal.

2. Ask the Lord to show you how to trust Him more.

3. Admit to the Lord that you are responsible for your burnout tendencies. Ask the Lord to show you what to do about the inner pain and emotional baggage that may be driving you to strive relentlessly for approval and perfection." "Lord, take the inner pain and the driving force within me causing restlessness and frustration. I release the responsibilities of my life to You. Show me how to lighten my load."

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matt. 11:28

Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Ps. 55:22

Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

The past 4 months have been something that I am not used to. They have been non-stop. Now where I am never one to like to just sit, I have longed for it lately. Not even just longed, but really needed it. (Which is what I am getting at the moment due to being sick and not really having another option). One thing I am having to learn to do is rest in the Lord. One would say that patience is not one of my greatest attributes. And the word waiting has never been one of my favorite words.

In the past four months I have gone through a breakup with a guy I really did like, my papa has been really sick (near-death sick), my apartment has flooded and my stuff was ruined, I have started to take over a cheerleading program, my brother got married, and school has been a bit crazy with changes and such, and just in general life has been hectic. Now, I would be silly to think that I am the only one who has such things in thier life, however, I also think I need to notice it is time for me to take a breath. In talking to my mom yesterday in a near panic, she said, "Ash, you have to look at everything you have had going on in the past 4 months. You have had a lot on you plate, and no time to really process or rest in the meantime." The thing is, I just want to go ALL OF THE TIME. I never want to stop. When something stops I tend to just throw myself into something else. What I am finding is with me constantly throwing myself into things or activities, I am giving myself NO time to rest in the Lord. None.

I went to Hawaii a few weeks ago. It was beautiful, and quite honestly I had some amazing one-on-one time with the Lord. My sweet brother got married to the love of his life. And where it was a wonderful get-away, as soon as we got back I hit the ground running. I was trying to move back into my apartment, keep up with school, get everything organized and ready for my kids, and also get ready to take over the Varisty cheerleading program. The thing is...we all need time to rest. And there are going to be times when we hit rock-bottom. I think I have met my point. I think this sickness came at just the right time. I know may be a little silly to write...I only have fluish like stuff, not anything life-threatening...but if I have not learned anything else from the Lord, I have learned this...he will make you rest and get before Him when it is needed. I have tried feverishly to take everything into my own hands and make everything work. The thing is, I am not the one who can make everything work seemlessly together; only He can. And when I start to try to do this on my own, I only realize how very dependent I am on my God and how very inadaquate I am without him. I have no clue how people do things in their own strength because anytime I try to do that I fall flat on my face. I lose perspective. I forgot why I am teaching. Why I am taking over the Cheer program. I forget almost how to do things. I can't remember why I am in the place that I am. I can't seem to find focus and at times, when I am in the place, if I am drawing near to God, I am not really drawing near because it is on my terms.

The thing is that the Lord has placed me in this time for a reason. I am single right now for a reason. I have all the responsiblities I have at school, for a reason. Everything has happened for a reason, and regardless of the way I feel about my present situation, I have to look to Christ for any sort of validation or wholeness that I need. When I start looking to the left or the right for this validation, or acceptance, or understanding, I will be deeply disapointed. What I am finding is NOT ONE THING or PERSON can fill me like Christ. And the frustrating thing in all this, is I know that. But I act like I don't. And quite honestly, I more or less seem to not really "know" in my heart that Christ is sufficient. He is where I have to find my worth. He is where I have to go to find rest and peace and understanding and love. He is the only one that will complete me, and in this season of unknown and newness, I have to trust that He is sufficient and HE ALONE is where I will find rest and acceptance. I have to trust Him with the people in my life who are sick and aren't well. I have to trust Him in what my school has entrusted me with. I have to trust Him with where He has put me and what He is doing and yet to do.

I just have to trust. If you ever read my blog, you might be thinking...this girl has written this same thing about 50 times. You are so right. But thank God, He has yet to grow tired of me and I can still go to Him when I am doubtful and fearful of what is to come.

Praise Him in that.

I love you all. Thanks for listening. As soon as I get my camera thingy up and running I will put up pictures of my brother's wedding. It was beautiful.

Until later.