Where my heart lies tonight...

Do you ever wonder why certain things are the way that they are? I am guessing you do, or hoping at least. I feel like the Lord definetly does things in way that seems foriegn to us, but obviously competely make sense to Him. Well, I know this because it says that in the Bible, but I think I am at a point where I just am a little baffled at why things are the way that they are. For instance...why am I saved and there are others that are not at all? How come I got chosen, but others can't seem to grasp what I know to be true? It tears my heart apart quite frankly. And even though I know that that is the way it is, and everything is for his greater glory...It makes me feel sad. I can honestly say I have never been burdened for the lost until this past year. They are for reasons that I will not go into detail here on the blog...one of them I can tell you is teaching. I watch these kids, and quite frankly other people I know around my age ask if you have such a loving God and your God is so "non-judgmental" why would he send people to hell? Why does he not just accept gays? How come Christians are some of the most unhappy, judgemental people that I know? Why did my parents split up then? Why is my life so bad then? Why would I have been abused if there was a God...how is that good? What about the inconsistencies of the Bible? Where some of their theology is off, there are also some of those questions that I cannot answer. Where it is unfair to stereotype the whole of Christians a certain way, I cannot say that half the time that proves to be untrue. What frustrates me the most is I know how I feel. I know Christ has won me over, heart, soul and mind, and changed me from the inside out yet I cannot even begin to articulate for people the answer to those questions. So frustrating...and the even more frustrating part, is I don't believe they see that judgmental side from me (or hope not at least), but I feel like you have to make up for all of the people whom act like this many more times than not. (Which let's be competly honest, if you know me well, I am SURE I have been judgemental...but you know what I am saying). That judge constantly instead of just loving. Shoot, Christ loved everyone. EVERYONE. Even the people that nailed him to the cross. Even the people that denied him, but to his face said they loved Him. He loved the screw-ups...which I hate to break it to ya...is all of us. I just get frustrated when I get so tounge-tied. When nothing can seem to move a person to see the incredible love that is just waiting for them if they accept it. But, the Lord wills the heart...not I, so I need to stop being so frustrated, right? I don't know what it is in me lately, but it has just been bothering me. Why can some people see the Lord's grace, but others can just look past it like the it's just a brand of peanut butter and some like it chewy and some like smooth. (Okay, terrible example...but I need some sort of Ashley-ism, comic relief, what the heck is she writing somewhere in this...) So, this is where I am at. Why can't everyone know him. I know, because that isn't what the Lord has. But, I think a little more understanding would serve me greatly.

I love you all. Thanks for listening to me vent...all two of you ;)