The angst of waiting

Christmas is usually my favorite season. I mean, I get into it...and I usually start around October. Yes, October. I know, I know...let's at least let Thanksgiving get here, but there it is. Not this year. This year has been different. Not that I haven't enjoyed putting up my Christmas tree, or burning my "evergreen" candle to make my living room smell sweetly of Christmas time. Rather, it has just been a really big time of reflection and just even waiting. I do not know if I have ever really gotten the whole true, real reason for Christmas. Don't get me wrong...I get that fact that Jesus came and was born and how awesome that is. However, I do not think I have ever gotten the angst of the waiting part. The advent part. The waiting on something better and worthwhile and something that could drastically change us all part. I think in the midst of heartbreak or maybe even warfare of the soul where you are really feeling the weight of something greater than yourself, have I really had the opportunity to feel the angst of waiting.

The angst of waiting for perfect timing can be extremely hard. One reason this is probably so hard is the simple task- waiting (which is not oh, so simple when you actually have to do it). Waiting sucks. Especially in this zip-zap world that we live in. We long for instant gratification and when we don't get it we become dissatisfied and unhappy. We look for something more. We look for something better; or even a replacement of sorts. I think the grass is greener mentality comes out at this time. One thing I have noticed about myself here lately is the amount of good advice that will come out of my mouth and then when that gets tested I believe I fail miserably. It is frustrating to say the very least. Why can't what I read and what I know to be true just come as a natural thing and progression in my life. Refinement.
"He knows what He is doing with me, and when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." Job 23:10
I will not even pretend to have it all together. I am quite a far cry from that. I mean, if you read my blog at all I think I talk about waiting and such a lot...because obviously I have some trust issues with the Lord. Here lately though, I have really been blessed by the Lord to see these major areas where I am not trusting him, or where I feel like He is allowing me some room to really be tested on some things He is showing me and doing in my life. In that, there has been this angst. This want to be where He desires me to be.

As Christmas day approaches, I have also been thinking on timing. The sermons I have heard lately and also things I have been reading have spoken a lot about timing The timing of the Christ-child. The waiting on the Messiah. The anticipation of what was to come. The hope that filled people's hearts for something greater than themselves. For something that would rescue them from their hurts, their pains, their sorrow. The Lord waited for perfect timing for Jesus to come. There were prophesies made and many thought He was to come sooner. The Lord waited for the perfect time though...not what was expected, but what was right. This thought has been coming to my mind a lot here lately. It just has really been sinking in how great our God's plans are for us and how He has so much better long-term plans for us than we could possibly think of. And also how timing is everything. I know that is saying that is probably overused, but over the past couple of months, I have really come to believe them to be true. Timing is everything. And the Lord has a right timing for everything. I believe this with all my heart. It is not our job to look at our lives and say, "You know Lord, I don't think you have this right...." instead we just have to trust that He knows what He is doing. (Trust me...I am preaching to myself here.) With that, I still believe we can wait anxiously. Anxiously awaiting our Savior and what He is to do and to bring. We can hope. We can pray. We can say, come quickly Lord Jesus, we long for your coming. BUT, trusting that He is to come, that He is to bring a mighty deliverance...that angst in waiting; it can be tough. I do believe, even in the hardest of days, in the end His timing and His best is worth the wait. I mean, we got Jesus...that is a pretty awesome gift, right?

Food for thought..more so for me. Just thought I would share. Love you all so very much and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas wherever you are.