This is what my sweet, friend Elise said to me the other night at coffee that has since become my mantra.
"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have me this far?"
2 Samuel 7:18
The Lord has been working on my heart in a major way lately. It is incredible to me how awesome He is, and how much I feel He is pursuing my heart right now. It has been really awesome the way He has been working on my heart lately. Not, that what He has been doing has been exactly easy, but he has given me this joy, even in the super tough, working out and showing me my sin-issues time, and it has just been unreal. He is romancing my heart and showing me what how GREAT He is and just, transforming my mind. It has just been crazy. It has been so good, I just want to talk about Him all the time. He is transforming the desires of my heart to be more like the desires that I believe he wants me to have. It is just so cool. The people he has placed in my life, he has also used in a HUGE way lately. The little things He has been doing in my heart and life are equaling this BIG, overarching thing that I believe that he is doing in my life in general. He is showing me how live out the gospel...which, trust me, I have not mastered, and probably never will...but it is SO cool to see how he is working out the smaller areas in my life to feed into the larger areas. He has been showing me so many different sin-filled areas in my life and I feel like he is beating them out of me. Which, I don't know if you have ever been in that position...where the Lord is showing you your sin and you are realizing how crappy you are and how much you fall short...but it is such a JOY (that is right..joy) to see how much MERCY he has for me. He knew I was going to do this...he knew what my reactions would be and he still loves me. He still cares for me, and still pursues my heart. What an awesome place to be in!!! Ahh, it just makes me want to talk about Jesus all day!
I was talking to my sweet friend, Elise the other day just about how frustrated I was with my sin...with this continual need to please others, with this continual pattern I have with certain areas of my life...and while I was voicing my frustrations she said, "He is refining your desires, Ash..." and something just clicked when she said that. How great is He, that is He is finally refining my desires. HE is showing me such love, and kindness and MERCY by refining my desires, my showing me the areas in which I need to work on and change. By loving on me in a way that is killing myself only to bring me closer to Him. I want more of Him constantly and that is such a great place to be. There have been some hard days with this, where I start crying and don't really know where it is coming from, where I get SO frustrated with where I struggle and long to not struggle any longer, but then he shows me where he has brought me out of...and let me tell you, he has brought me FAR in the past 2 years...especially in the past year! It is just so cool. I obviously am not articulating very well today because I keep using words like cool, amazing, awesome, etc...but y'all the Lord is transforming my heart!!!! And, is using this time that I have off (which I have been dreading since i have kind of poured myself into teaching thus, free time is not what I am accustomed to having...) and making me sit still and study and I think He is determined to beat out these particular sin issues and refine them for His glory! Praise His name.
So, I know this particular post may not be well-written or witty, but I just had to share what the Lord is doing through me. He is showing me his grace and mercy and letting me live in it!
Praise his Name!
Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
We destroy arguments and every loft opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Now, there is great gain in godliness with contentment for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. 2 Timothy 6:6-7
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit. John 3:8
Sweet Jesus, I pray you will continue to work in my life, and finish the work that you have started in me. Lord, I pray you will continue to show me the areas that I need work on and continue to refine and work on the areas you have showed me which are a work in progress. God, you are so sweet, so loving and I thank you for showing me this and for romancing my heart and showing me to never compromise. You, alone, are great. You, alone are sovereign and everything is in your control. I pray that I continue to relinquish control and give it over to you in my life...because you are the one that controls it all anyway. You, God, are loving, merciful and show me joy in areas I did not know there could be joy in. I love you and I praise your name for loving me and for being such an amazing, Holy, God. I love you.
Ashie
